Searching...

Today I got an email from Beth, letting us all know how school is going and whatnot. She mentioned fall, and how this is the time of year where she misses Spokane. It does have a high degree of fall splendour...especially on the south hill in the middle of a forest of Maple trees.....my favorite.
To be honest, I hadn't really thought about it though. I have some nostalgia for the gray weather of this region. An inspirational week in rainy Olympia from way back in the day, and a transformational three months in rainy Amsterdam. Good things have happened for me in gray and rainy places. Perhaps it just gives me a sense of hope. Weird, I know, but there it is.

I was talking to a couple of people this week about my plans and about what I want for my future. Of course, I don't really have a lot of answers to those questions. I am relatively non stressed out by thinking about it though, which is a nice change from days gone by.
For whatever reason memories are flooding back to me and I am sorting through plans long past. I am also sorting through faces in my mind, and for good or bad, find myself searching for people and ideas that were long ago lost to me.
It's been my experience (and certainly not mine alone) that to truly move forward you have to let go of the past. There are a couple of things from my past that keep resurfacing for me, not in any super negative way, but just in terms of being distracting enough that I am starting to think I'm going to have to face them down. I am not completely sure how that will be accomplished, but in one case, there is a person I feel like I need to see. I'm sure all it would take is a brief encounter to lodge our current reality firmly into my brain, but even so, that is easier said than done. What seems simple can also be very complicated.
In any case, it is my attempt to move forward that has me desiring to look the past (good and bad) squarely in the face and say; "Move out of my way." hehe.

So the past couple of days I find myself searching, searching for avenues...onces that I have yet to find. That's where I am, and that's really all there is.