...
I would like to say that I am beyond words, but that is not often the case if there is something at all worth ranting about.
My family is so completely messed up that I cannot begin to describe it.
Last night I called a family friend to say happy birthday, and we ended up talking for an hour and a half about her helping out with my neice and nephew, and how stressful that has become.
My nephew really has noone to give him the time and attention a 7 year old deserves. I have witnessed this for a long time, and have no idea what to do about it. I can't take him. Noone would let me, even if I thought it possible. I used to wish I had a husband who would be willing to step in and parent my nephew.
Likewise, or, maybe not so likewise, my niece does not stand a chance. Niether parent is capable of caring for her. One is too likely to get drunk, pass out, and let her cry herself to death at the very least, and the other is too busy getting high, and passing around STD's to make sure she gets FED!
My mother is currently raising both grandchildren.
She lives in complete denial about my brother and his issues. Maybe she has to live in denial or she will have a complete breakdown, I don't know.
She has to handle everything, and keep up at least the illusion of being in control.
She is tired, bitter, and works full time. She should not be raising these kids, and I could seriously beat the living crap out of my brother for adding to her already difficult situation by knocking up his crack whore ex-girlfriend in the first place.
Ladies and Gentleman, here is what happens when all you are looking for in life is a good lay.
After I got off the phone with my friend last night, I called my little sister and talked to her until after midnight, so we could cry together. Sort of. She is only 18 and works at a crappy job, and can't take my niece even if anyone would let that happen. Mom and my brother will never step out of the way, and even if she ends up getting taken away my brother will most likely become suicidal.
Noone in this situation has the integrity, or self sacrifice to even think of putting this child up for adoption and giving her a chance to have a life with a stable family. No doubt in part because they think we ARE a stable family.
Little sis and I are concerned that without our intervention, our tiny niece is doomed to meet an early demise. She is not in a safe environment. Tristan isn't either, but Mom would never let us take him. Hailey, at least stands a chance of being won away through a custody battle. We don't know what to do. If something happens to her, not only is that terrible enough, but we have to live with our consience for the rest of our lives, that we could have intervened and did not. Who wants to go to court to tell the judge that their own brother, and Mother's pride and joy, is not fit to be a parent and might be the accidental cause of his own childs death?!? This situation sucks. Big time.
I have a horrible fear of ever being a single parent, as I can barely take care of myself. I do not prefer to take the child, but what else are you going to do?!?! Plus, I cannot afford to fight for custody. If I did take her, I would go into it wholeheartedly, and make a lot of sacrifices. It is not something to be even considered lightly. Still, I don't know.
Little sister and I are praying for some kind of a miracle for everyone involved. I am trying to tell myself that I can handle whatever God might ask of me.
I can't do nothing, although I don't know what exactly TO do.
I am at a complete loss, and have a hard time even finding the words to pray. This is usually not an issue for me, but in this case...seriously.
So that is my major drama for this week. Still, I am 300 miles away from my family, and cannot escape. My cousin Sarah is equally f'd up, and my poor grandmother just worries about these situations constantly.
What is there to say really?! Grrrr and Rawr don't even begin to cut it. I am so going to have to hire Jill, just to come and social work my family. haha.
Seriously...KIDS NEED FAMILIES!!!! Get it through your heads people!!!! Somebody freaking sterilize all these freaking horny idiots already!!! Good LORD!
Okay, I need to go do...SOMETHING! Anything. Preferably something that includes breaking something into a million pieces!!
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3 comments:
oh dear, 'manda. :( i'm so sorry to hear about your family troubles. i can sympathize with some of the worries, but definitely not all. i wish i had some advice to give, but i really just have empathy. i hope you all are able to find some sort of solution together.
Hey There.
I'm not completely sure about the way things work in Washington (presuming I remember correctly that despite the distance, your fam is still in the same state, but a different one would would be all the same to me, since it's not TN), but here's how it works here.
Any person who suspects abuse or neglect is law-bound to report it to the proper authorities (in our case, call our state's abuse hotline). As a reporter, you can be anonymous (in this state - not nececssarily all, but you can check on that) but the more details you can offer, the better job they can do at their job. It is not your job, as a reporter, to determine whether it is abuse or neglect, only to share that you suspect it and why. It is the Authorities' job to determine if it is or not. That is a key distinction, I think.
Then, if they determine something is wrong, the first thing they will do is create a safetly plan. If the child is in SERIOUS, IMMINENT danger, that plan involves immediate removal from the dangerous situation. But if things can be done to help the situation get better, they will plan for those things, first. And if the child needs to leave their home situation, they will first look for friends and relatives who can help. And often they will help those friends and relatives with assistance like daycare or foster care payments, like they would a stranger (except better, b/c it's someone who already knows and loves the child).
Don't feel trapped, there are options, and they don't necessarily involve you spending money you can't spend to fight for custody you don't feel equipped to hold.
And my family will be on stage with you. We're really quite impressive.
Unfortunately, as we all know so well, Foster care too often is just a road to continue to fuck kids up.
*sigh*
I could not willingly send my family members into a foster care situation. However, that doesn't mean that I would do nothing. As for my nephew, my sister and her fiance are going to take their weekends off and start taking him. Giving him some well needed love and attention.
As for the other situation...I don't know about imminent danger, but I have my concerns. However, since my sister is the one present, I am letting her take the reigns on that front at the moment, and if we need to take steps I am here to back her up.
I don't want to think about it anymore tonight. It makes my head and heart hurt.
Even so, its at least a tiny bit improved from yesterday because of my sister and Derrick.
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