Back From the Abyss

“I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free.” That is a line in one of my favorite gospel songs: ‘His Eye is on the Sparrow‘. It may sound familiar as it was performed a few years ago by Lauryn Hill in Sister Act II. It’s a beautiful song, but that is the line in particular that always sticks out to me. It represents to me a state of mind. Life may oppress, things may not go my way, but on the inside I can still be happy. I am still free. That is something that no one can ever take away from me.
Lately I have been so busy with work, and other distractions. My schedule has been all over the place. It’s bothersome because I would like to spend more time writing. I would like the free time I do have to be more productive, but it’s hard for me to stay focused when everything changes everyday.
I feel a little melancholy about that. Things have been going really good for me, but anytime that you spend most of your time and energy on one thing, that means you are sacrificing it somewhere else. For me, I have spent a great deal of time and energy on my job. Of course it’s not brain surgery. You’d think that it would be something easy to leave there and forget about once I’m home, and often that is true, but I am an overachiever. I spend too much time there off the clock. I do whatever extra I can, and I come in whenever they need me.
Obviously, since I am getting promoted, or maybe I should say, have gotten promoted since my training is currently happening, they have seen my hard work and it has paid off. I’m glad because I do need the raise, and I might as well get paid more for all the work I do. Even so, it’s a bit of a double edged sword. I like my job and I want to be a person who does great in whatever job they do, whether or not anyone is looking. My writing has been really taking off though as well. I have had some really great ideas and lately I have done more writing that I have done in…well, years really. I feel this deep need to be writing. When I spend my time reading or being distracted by something else, I almost feel guilty. It is a desire that I have been putting on the back burner for far too long. *sigh*
So, although the promotion is a good thing, the greater responsibilities at work only serve to distract me from my real passion.
I do feel however, that once things calm down a bit, and hopefully my schedule falls into a bit more of a routine, it will be easier to make more time for writing. It’s hard for me to jump in and out of that place in an hour. I really desire blocks of time. I find that I am all or nothing and when it comes to writing, I need time to just lose myself there.
So, as yet another distraction, I am re-reading the Wheel of Time series. I am about 200 pages into The Great Hunt right now. I was thinking that I would re-read before the final book comes out, possibly next fall. It will take me awhile and I wanted to have a great deal of time, so that I would not be rushed and could just kind of mosey along.
A friend/coworker of mine has recently read the last couple of books and is now going to start re-reading for the first time. He has been talking about all the things that happened in the last books and it is making me REALLY excited to get to those books. This will be the 4th time I have read the series, but I haven’t re-read since before book ten, so I have only read those final two books once apiece. It still amazes me that I have never re-read Knife of Dreams, since that was pretty much the most exciting book ever. I laughed, I cried, IT MOVED ME!!!! Haha.
Needless to say, all of this enthusiasm is causing me to read the series much faster than I was intending. It did take me two weeks to finish The Eye of the World, which is a long time for me, but I was not reading as much at home as usual; more on breaks at work and stuff like that. Still, I just started book two the day before yesterday and I haven’t read any today. If I keep up like this, it will be finished next week and I will be on to book three already. So much for spacing it out slowly before next fall!!!! :p
Well, we shall see what happens.
I get that guilty twinge when I read instead of writing, as if I am betraying myself, so I try to set only certain times for myself to read. That might help me pace myself. =)
I’ve actually read quite a few books this year. More than usual anyway. Joe is undoubtedly still kicking my arse, regardless. I have given up trying to compete with him…sort of. ;) I could possibly catch up, if not for the fact that half the time I was spending reading is now being spent writing instead. Such is life. One day, my New Years resolution will succeed. Just maybe not this year. :p

Currently Reading:
The Great Hunt by Robert Jordan

Currently Listening to:
Viva la Vida, Coldplay