So...you see these people in these horrible situations with a friend or loved one and you think; "that could never be me." Well, at least you HOPE it could never be you.
Somehow though, I have had a revelation. I have been in a terrible relationship for the past 30 years. That's right, 30 years (...or damn close!).
What happens is this; I get my hopes up. It's simple really.
It started out innocently. I was too young to know what was happening in the beginning. Once I started going to school, my friend was there, every September, with the false promise of a new day. Everything seemed fresh with potential. Usually, that was not to be. At first we would be fine. We would get along as friends do. We would hang out together on the weekends and an occassional weekday evening. It could be fun. There would be jumping and shouting and general revelry. We would also go through hard times together...a bad tumble, a twisted ankle, unkind words from those who misunderstood us.
Through it all, I was a good friend.
I was a faithful friend.
I defended their name against those who would trample on it.
I was there for them.
I have come to realize that our relationship has been more ugly than nice. Every year I have hope that things will change. There have even been moments when this seemed to be the case. Years where my friend was seemingly transformed, where they failed to dissappoint or let me down. A couple of years ago I even thought we were golden. Everything seemed to be all better. The years ahead were filled with promise...but that promise has not been fulfilled!
In general, it has been one heartache after another. My heart is constantly being ripped out and handed to me on a platter!! Just when I think I am over it and I don't care anymore, I find myself coming back!! It's like I just can't stop! I tell myself not to give in, but after all these years that is nearly impossible.
Then, tonight, it was almost more than I could bear!
We were set up for a VERY promising evening. Things were looking good. Even the naysayers were confident we could work things out.
Then, it happened...
Stutz, the new guy, fumbled the snap.
There was no coming back after the touchdown that resulted from that little piece of football idiocy.
How does a team that can be as great as ours can, lose to a team that has NOT WON A GAME ALL SEASON?!?!?!?!
Okay, in all honesty, the game is not over yet.
In fact, we still have the entire 4th quarter to pull this game out of our ass.
Even so, it's 28 to 10.
It's been a painful display so far, and I was already reeling with the shame of last weeks loss.
Once again, things are taking a turn for the worst.
That' right folks, I am a Seahawks fan.
Born and bred in Washington state, how could I be otherwise?
It's no wonder my life can be so dreary.
Perhaps I have absorbed the curse of my team??
I mean, hell, the one year we go to the Superbowl, noone even takes us seriously, and then the Ref's completely screw us anyway.
Rawr.
If it weren't for Brett Favre and his rookie Packers to brighten my day, I would be in the middle of my third pint of Cider and getting ready to shave my head.
*sigh*
Ahhh....football season. How I both love (and later loathe) your appearance every fall.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Oh Humanity. Sometimes I loathe You.
I'm bored.
Okay, so I worked early this morning and drank waaaay too many shots of espresso. It made things a little bit more entertaining though. Unfortunately since I worked early, I also got off early. Which means of course, that I had a whole lot of today left to find something to do. There just wasn't really anything to do.
I am attempting to hide in my house so that I don't have to spend money on anything, including gas, since I can barely even pay my rent.
So, sometime early this afternoon I attempted to take a nice long nap. I even dozed off for around 20 minutes, but then something happened to wake me up and I just laid there thinking about things I didn't need to think about.
I should have gotten up right then and sent somebody an email, or made a phone call to someone far away, but did I?? Nope.
I just laid there and kept thinking.
My brain wandered into territories best left unexplored.
It contemplated things that are far from happening.
I got a little frustrated at my lack of patience in certain areas of life.
I also thought about an old friend, who now has six children. Count them S-I-X.
She and I have not spoken for a long time and she has been chasing a herd of rugrats for those years, while I have become more of a hermit and enjoyed my individuality way too much. I was recently presented with her long missing email and I wrote to her, but I wonder if I will even be able to relate anymore. Most of my friends are married and lots have kids...just not that many. lol. I do fine playing with families, it's just a bit out of my sphere. I sometimes feel like a big dumb alien. Like, I don't quite get it. I was held back a grade or five.
:p
Luckily, I do like children, even if I am undecided on having any.
I let my brain wander into the realm of old relationships, which again was best left in that dark, musty corner it inhabits in my memories.
It gets me into trouble when I dig it out. All those dust particles and things make a heck of a mess all over Amanda's tender pshyche...Or however you spell that word.
I've come to realize that I am quite possibly insane.
I am of of those crazy people that show up on television dramas. The ones who have left reality far behind and live in some universe of their own making.
I ponder things in my life that other people have entirely moved on from.
I hope for things that seem completely illogical, and yet I cannot help myself.
Quite possibly it is more appropriate to say that I am just a damn fool.
When all is well I create ways to get my heart broken.
For some reason I just can't get my heart broken in normal up-to-date ways like everyone else. Oh no, I have to get creative. :p
Ahh, who knows.
There is a God, and He randomly created this foolish girl named Amanda. So, maybe in some unexpected divine intervention, I will get what I hope for.
Otherwise I have at least been blessed with tremendous adventures and friends along my way.
I should write a book about that. heh.
Okay, so I worked early this morning and drank waaaay too many shots of espresso. It made things a little bit more entertaining though. Unfortunately since I worked early, I also got off early. Which means of course, that I had a whole lot of today left to find something to do. There just wasn't really anything to do.
I am attempting to hide in my house so that I don't have to spend money on anything, including gas, since I can barely even pay my rent.
So, sometime early this afternoon I attempted to take a nice long nap. I even dozed off for around 20 minutes, but then something happened to wake me up and I just laid there thinking about things I didn't need to think about.
I should have gotten up right then and sent somebody an email, or made a phone call to someone far away, but did I?? Nope.
I just laid there and kept thinking.
My brain wandered into territories best left unexplored.
It contemplated things that are far from happening.
I got a little frustrated at my lack of patience in certain areas of life.
I also thought about an old friend, who now has six children. Count them S-I-X.
She and I have not spoken for a long time and she has been chasing a herd of rugrats for those years, while I have become more of a hermit and enjoyed my individuality way too much. I was recently presented with her long missing email and I wrote to her, but I wonder if I will even be able to relate anymore. Most of my friends are married and lots have kids...just not that many. lol. I do fine playing with families, it's just a bit out of my sphere. I sometimes feel like a big dumb alien. Like, I don't quite get it. I was held back a grade or five.
:p
Luckily, I do like children, even if I am undecided on having any.
I let my brain wander into the realm of old relationships, which again was best left in that dark, musty corner it inhabits in my memories.
It gets me into trouble when I dig it out. All those dust particles and things make a heck of a mess all over Amanda's tender pshyche...Or however you spell that word.
I've come to realize that I am quite possibly insane.
I am of of those crazy people that show up on television dramas. The ones who have left reality far behind and live in some universe of their own making.
I ponder things in my life that other people have entirely moved on from.
I hope for things that seem completely illogical, and yet I cannot help myself.
Quite possibly it is more appropriate to say that I am just a damn fool.
When all is well I create ways to get my heart broken.
For some reason I just can't get my heart broken in normal up-to-date ways like everyone else. Oh no, I have to get creative. :p
Ahh, who knows.
There is a God, and He randomly created this foolish girl named Amanda. So, maybe in some unexpected divine intervention, I will get what I hope for.
Otherwise I have at least been blessed with tremendous adventures and friends along my way.
I should write a book about that. heh.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Sometimes by Faith..
Apparently it is back to school season, because generally after I post (especially when I haven't posted in awhile) Lara and Jill are right there with a comment, as if they had been staring at the computer, willing it to show an updated post! Hopefully I will be able to be a little better now.
Anyway, hey girls.
So here I am, in San Antonio. Things are going pretty good as I mentioned before. It helps to have friends here.
I came here by faith. I felt like there was a reason, although I did not know what it was. I still feel that way, but I know the purpose may not be revealed for some time. That is sometimes the way things are. Even so, I have the most incredible faith I've had in such a very long time. I don't let myself dwell on the negative, and I try to keep myself going, try to keep my drive up. It has had its moments, but in general has been great. The weather is different, the scenery is different, the grocery stores are different....Let's face it, it's sometimes like another country! Still, I feel good. I know I am supposed to be here. I am doing just fine.
The other day I was hanging out with my friends, and I can't remember what we were talking about, or what specifically brought it up, but I found myself going; "Whoa! have I been living in a cave?!" I just felt like...I had lived in such a sheltered cocoon for so long, that the world outside of it was still feeling very foreign.
I am not saying it's all bad. I worked for a couple of Christian non-profits and both were a great experience, and even all the years I worked with a college age ministry were valuable, even though some of that time just made me feel mad and other times numb. They were all good lessons that formed me.
I do feel, however, as if I had lost some sense of reality while I was in there. When I was younger I think I balanced a little better, even though I had NO idea I was doing so, and was ultimately floundering in the dark.
It's amazing when we look back, at the things we did better, even in immaturity. haha! Oh, we think we are so much older and wiser now!! :p
Anyway, here I am. I am praying. I am believing in good things...and I am trying to keep balance. I am trying to be comfortable among people again, who live outside of my safe little bubble. Just appreciate them and learn to love them.
I am praying for my friend and that good things will be restored to him.
Beyond that....well, there is not much beyond that right now!
If anything interesting comes up, I will be sure to let you know. ;)
Anyway, hey girls.
So here I am, in San Antonio. Things are going pretty good as I mentioned before. It helps to have friends here.
I came here by faith. I felt like there was a reason, although I did not know what it was. I still feel that way, but I know the purpose may not be revealed for some time. That is sometimes the way things are. Even so, I have the most incredible faith I've had in such a very long time. I don't let myself dwell on the negative, and I try to keep myself going, try to keep my drive up. It has had its moments, but in general has been great. The weather is different, the scenery is different, the grocery stores are different....Let's face it, it's sometimes like another country! Still, I feel good. I know I am supposed to be here. I am doing just fine.
The other day I was hanging out with my friends, and I can't remember what we were talking about, or what specifically brought it up, but I found myself going; "Whoa! have I been living in a cave?!" I just felt like...I had lived in such a sheltered cocoon for so long, that the world outside of it was still feeling very foreign.
I am not saying it's all bad. I worked for a couple of Christian non-profits and both were a great experience, and even all the years I worked with a college age ministry were valuable, even though some of that time just made me feel mad and other times numb. They were all good lessons that formed me.
I do feel, however, as if I had lost some sense of reality while I was in there. When I was younger I think I balanced a little better, even though I had NO idea I was doing so, and was ultimately floundering in the dark.
It's amazing when we look back, at the things we did better, even in immaturity. haha! Oh, we think we are so much older and wiser now!! :p
Anyway, here I am. I am praying. I am believing in good things...and I am trying to keep balance. I am trying to be comfortable among people again, who live outside of my safe little bubble. Just appreciate them and learn to love them.
I am praying for my friend and that good things will be restored to him.
Beyond that....well, there is not much beyond that right now!
If anything interesting comes up, I will be sure to let you know. ;)
Monday, September 24, 2007
Here I am, Oh here I am...
Yes, I am here in San Antooooonio!
It's warm, but not too warm thank goodness. Adjusting to the humidity has so far been easier than expected. Phew!
I am sure everyone wants to know all about Texas and how things are going, but I really want to talk about football. lol
Okay, okay, it's going fine. Everything is fine. It's great to see my friends. We have been hanging out a lot and it's been really really good. Buuuttt...more on that later. hehe.
Did you SEE how my Seahawks squeaked out a win yesterday?!?! Okay, yes, it WAS "squeaked" but even so, they won. =) Happy Amanda.
Even BETTER, the PACKERS won too! Brett Favre and his little band of rookies are kicking so much more ass than anyone thought them capable of, and I am LOOOOVING it. Plus, he tied Dan Marino for the career touchdown pass record!!
Go him!!! =)
I love that guy!!
I love football season. =)
It's true, I do sometimes get a little too into it, and a little stressed out about it...but that's just because I love it so much. :p
So, in horrible and wretched news, I have to talk about my football goodness because it covers up my terrible feelings over the loss of James Rigney, aka Robert Jordan!! =(
He passed away on the 16th and I didn't even know until like five days later!!!! Where were my friends?!?! Why didn't they call me?!?! JOE! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!
I actually passed the dreaded news onto a couple of people myself.
Why, oh why, Lord God in Heaven, could he NOT have just finished that ONE. LAST. BOOK! before he left us?!?!?! Okay, okay, yes, I am sad for his wife Harriet, and his cousin, and all other family members...I am sad that his life was cut short. I really am. Even though he did not die in pain, and believed in God's timing...
Still...
Moiraine is now going to be trapped in the tower of Gengei forever. Who's going to rescue her?!?!?! It just won't be the same if whoever George R.R. Martin thinks should rescue her, rescues her...or anybody else's opinion for that matter!!! Rawr.
Now I have even more incentive to get to heaven. Until I die, I will NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh*
*pout*
Okay, yes, SOMEONE is going to finish A Memory of Light, and they might even do an okay job...but it will still be like...Mercedes Lackey finishing the Lord of the Rings. Just not quite acceptable. Just not even close to the same. =(
In response to all of this wretched horribleness, all I can say to console myself is; GO BRETT FAVRE!!! KICK SOME ASS ROOKIE PACKERS!!!!
It's warm, but not too warm thank goodness. Adjusting to the humidity has so far been easier than expected. Phew!
I am sure everyone wants to know all about Texas and how things are going, but I really want to talk about football. lol
Okay, okay, it's going fine. Everything is fine. It's great to see my friends. We have been hanging out a lot and it's been really really good. Buuuttt...more on that later. hehe.
Did you SEE how my Seahawks squeaked out a win yesterday?!?! Okay, yes, it WAS "squeaked" but even so, they won. =) Happy Amanda.
Even BETTER, the PACKERS won too! Brett Favre and his little band of rookies are kicking so much more ass than anyone thought them capable of, and I am LOOOOVING it. Plus, he tied Dan Marino for the career touchdown pass record!!
Go him!!! =)
I love that guy!!
I love football season. =)
It's true, I do sometimes get a little too into it, and a little stressed out about it...but that's just because I love it so much. :p
So, in horrible and wretched news, I have to talk about my football goodness because it covers up my terrible feelings over the loss of James Rigney, aka Robert Jordan!! =(
He passed away on the 16th and I didn't even know until like five days later!!!! Where were my friends?!?! Why didn't they call me?!?! JOE! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!
I actually passed the dreaded news onto a couple of people myself.
Why, oh why, Lord God in Heaven, could he NOT have just finished that ONE. LAST. BOOK! before he left us?!?!?! Okay, okay, yes, I am sad for his wife Harriet, and his cousin, and all other family members...I am sad that his life was cut short. I really am. Even though he did not die in pain, and believed in God's timing...
Still...
Moiraine is now going to be trapped in the tower of Gengei forever. Who's going to rescue her?!?!?! It just won't be the same if whoever George R.R. Martin thinks should rescue her, rescues her...or anybody else's opinion for that matter!!! Rawr.
Now I have even more incentive to get to heaven. Until I die, I will NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh*
*pout*
Okay, yes, SOMEONE is going to finish A Memory of Light, and they might even do an okay job...but it will still be like...Mercedes Lackey finishing the Lord of the Rings. Just not quite acceptable. Just not even close to the same. =(
In response to all of this wretched horribleness, all I can say to console myself is; GO BRETT FAVRE!!! KICK SOME ASS ROOKIE PACKERS!!!!
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Go ahead Armadillo. Try to hide.
One more day.
To accomplish things in Washington that is.
I will be in Spokane on Wednesday, true, and I might accomplish a couple of things while I am there...but tomorrow is pretty much my last solid day for anything on the west side, and for most of those last minutes little details.
Today my car went to the shop. It was leaking oil like...and I quote..."the Exxon Valdez." Also my power steering pump was shot and spewing forth its contents to the four corners of my engine. You will be happy to know that not only are these things fixed, but that I now have some nifty new spark plugs and wiper blades, and freshly flushed coolant. =)
In Spokane I am going to buy a new set of tires (cheaper there) and then I will hopefully be set to go.
Okay, so today was a FABULOUS day. I hung out with my girls from Starbucks and it was so chill!! We took my friends jeep (LAAA!!!!!) and drove around Puget Sound. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Sun was out, but it wasn't too hot. After our nice drive and some time chilling at home, we went to Jimmy Mack's and had a drink. It was lovely.
Then, I went home and met Lance & Jeni and we went out to an awesome Italian dinner, complete with wine and creme brulee. The good conversation was the best part.
Of course, Jeni wanted to know who the guy was that I was moving to Texas for. haha. I assured her that I was NOT moving to Texas for a guy, as I don't know any guys who actually *live* in Texas. I don't think she was very convinced.
I have tried to assure my friends that I have no idea why I am moving to Texas, but Lance says that he thinks I am scheming. *shrug*
Time will tell. *wink wink*
In any case, today was fabulous. Despite the car issues, I have a lot of peace. I had an excellent day with friends, just relaxing and enjoying them. Those are the best kind of days in my opinion. Now I just have to get everything finished and make sure I am set to go.
Later taters!
To accomplish things in Washington that is.
I will be in Spokane on Wednesday, true, and I might accomplish a couple of things while I am there...but tomorrow is pretty much my last solid day for anything on the west side, and for most of those last minutes little details.
Today my car went to the shop. It was leaking oil like...and I quote..."the Exxon Valdez." Also my power steering pump was shot and spewing forth its contents to the four corners of my engine. You will be happy to know that not only are these things fixed, but that I now have some nifty new spark plugs and wiper blades, and freshly flushed coolant. =)
In Spokane I am going to buy a new set of tires (cheaper there) and then I will hopefully be set to go.
Okay, so today was a FABULOUS day. I hung out with my girls from Starbucks and it was so chill!! We took my friends jeep (LAAA!!!!!) and drove around Puget Sound. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Sun was out, but it wasn't too hot. After our nice drive and some time chilling at home, we went to Jimmy Mack's and had a drink. It was lovely.
Then, I went home and met Lance & Jeni and we went out to an awesome Italian dinner, complete with wine and creme brulee. The good conversation was the best part.
Of course, Jeni wanted to know who the guy was that I was moving to Texas for. haha. I assured her that I was NOT moving to Texas for a guy, as I don't know any guys who actually *live* in Texas. I don't think she was very convinced.
I have tried to assure my friends that I have no idea why I am moving to Texas, but Lance says that he thinks I am scheming. *shrug*
Time will tell. *wink wink*
In any case, today was fabulous. Despite the car issues, I have a lot of peace. I had an excellent day with friends, just relaxing and enjoying them. Those are the best kind of days in my opinion. Now I just have to get everything finished and make sure I am set to go.
Later taters!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Yee Haw!
So, this past week I worked several twelve hour days, and after that went home to pack, sort, and clean out my apartment. My lease was up on Friday.
By the grace of God, and two awesome friends named Brittany and DaLona, I managed to get out of there in time....barely.
Of course, that wasn't without a great deal of hard work and sleep deprivation. I have been a bit zombie-ish of late. This morning I slept in for a long time, and even after I woke up I just laid around and let my mind wander.
It was nice to have some quiet time with my thoughts. =)
It's 4:30 on Sunday and I need to go dig some things out of my car and sort through them, but I really don't want to. My car is currently loaded up with nearly everything I kept from my apartment. It's like I am driving my house around. hahaha. I am staying with my friends that I used to live with until I fly to San Antonio on Saturday (the 8th). I return to Washington on the 11th. If everything goes well while I am there, then I will just turn around and drive back down. Terrifying?? Pretty much.
A couple of days ago I talked to Mary, my friend Daniel's mom, and it made me soooo glad!!! She told me that the guest room was all ready for me, but that she is not cleaning the house because I am family!! lol! She also told me that when I get there I better just make myself at home because I am family!!! =)I was feeling the love!
She told me there are a lot of great churches to choose from nearby, and that she said to her family; "Maybe it takes Amanda moving here to get us to go to church once in awhile!"
Talking to her was great and made me more excited to visit, and less scared to move.
For those of you who are asking yourselves; Why on EARTH is Amanda moving to Texas, I assure you, not even Amanda is completely sure of the answer to that question. hehe. In any case, I am hopeful for the future even if it is frightening. ;)
It's hard enough to move 2000 miles away from the state and weather one loves, so keep your snarky comments to yourself. lol!
Well, there's an update, if a not very exciting one. I'll try to write again before I fly away on Saturday. I'm not promising anything!
=)
**Currently listening to: Anberlin:Never Take Friendship Personal**
By the grace of God, and two awesome friends named Brittany and DaLona, I managed to get out of there in time....barely.
Of course, that wasn't without a great deal of hard work and sleep deprivation. I have been a bit zombie-ish of late. This morning I slept in for a long time, and even after I woke up I just laid around and let my mind wander.
It was nice to have some quiet time with my thoughts. =)
It's 4:30 on Sunday and I need to go dig some things out of my car and sort through them, but I really don't want to. My car is currently loaded up with nearly everything I kept from my apartment. It's like I am driving my house around. hahaha. I am staying with my friends that I used to live with until I fly to San Antonio on Saturday (the 8th). I return to Washington on the 11th. If everything goes well while I am there, then I will just turn around and drive back down. Terrifying?? Pretty much.
A couple of days ago I talked to Mary, my friend Daniel's mom, and it made me soooo glad!!! She told me that the guest room was all ready for me, but that she is not cleaning the house because I am family!! lol! She also told me that when I get there I better just make myself at home because I am family!!! =)I was feeling the love!
She told me there are a lot of great churches to choose from nearby, and that she said to her family; "Maybe it takes Amanda moving here to get us to go to church once in awhile!"
Talking to her was great and made me more excited to visit, and less scared to move.
For those of you who are asking yourselves; Why on EARTH is Amanda moving to Texas, I assure you, not even Amanda is completely sure of the answer to that question. hehe. In any case, I am hopeful for the future even if it is frightening. ;)
It's hard enough to move 2000 miles away from the state and weather one loves, so keep your snarky comments to yourself. lol!
Well, there's an update, if a not very exciting one. I'll try to write again before I fly away on Saturday. I'm not promising anything!
=)
**Currently listening to: Anberlin:Never Take Friendship Personal**
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
To Texas, or not To Texas
Yes, I am thinking about moving again, for all yous who are unaware. :p
You know I have considered it before, so it shouldn't be any major surprise. I don't want to hear anything about how there are no maple trees in Texas either!! lol! Please! Don't make it any harder than it already is to leave the grey, rainy emerald city!
One just needs to do what one feels led to do!! So there!
Anyway...
I am going to visit some friends in San Antonio on the 8th. I have not seen them for a very long time, and it is going to be soooo fabulous! Plus, my very wonderful Becky is going to drive over from Corpus to hang out with us, and that is going to be so great I can't even stand it!!!
On top of all of those things, if I am reeaallllyyy lucky (or something), I might even get to talk to Jason on the phone, which, yes, will be weird after nine years of silence. I won't know what to say, and I might have a heart attack or at least burst a blood vessel, but it will still be good. =) One way or another.
If you have any questions about who in the freaking heck Jason is, you have apparently not been reading this blog long enough, as he has been mentioned in the past year, on more than one occassion!! See my crazy after christmas posts, or maybe the interview I did with Lara. They are out there. I tell you so!
In any case, I would expound, but I am not really feeling like going there right now.
This is pretty much all you need to know...(A quick sum up)...
16/Jason/Smooching/18/Friends/Heartache/Prayers for Salvation/Good times/19/Same/Love Me!!/Crazy About You!!/Lots more prayers/Tears/Jen & Daniel/Everyone moving/Amanda pursuing another path
Fast Forward...
30/Dream/Prayer/Why am I thinking about you out of the blue?!/Divorce/Pain/Random reconnect with J & D/More Prayers/More Tears/More Pain/He Really cared about me back then/31/A small question creeps in!/Lots More Prayers!/Maybe one day?/Who knows?/Amanda's heart is lame and should be hiding under the bed, but instead is retardedly letting itself wander into the realm of what if?!/SIGH.
If that makes any sense, then yay for your powers of deduction.
=)
Anyway, I promise to try and be better about letting you know what in the bleep is going on. hehe.
I have been sort of a horrible slacker of late!!
But hey, on the bright side, if I move to Texas, I will miss everyone, and therefore have to spend more time online.
*wink wink*
Cheers!
(Damn you Ryan! :p )
You know I have considered it before, so it shouldn't be any major surprise. I don't want to hear anything about how there are no maple trees in Texas either!! lol! Please! Don't make it any harder than it already is to leave the grey, rainy emerald city!
One just needs to do what one feels led to do!! So there!
Anyway...
I am going to visit some friends in San Antonio on the 8th. I have not seen them for a very long time, and it is going to be soooo fabulous! Plus, my very wonderful Becky is going to drive over from Corpus to hang out with us, and that is going to be so great I can't even stand it!!!
On top of all of those things, if I am reeaallllyyy lucky (or something), I might even get to talk to Jason on the phone, which, yes, will be weird after nine years of silence. I won't know what to say, and I might have a heart attack or at least burst a blood vessel, but it will still be good. =) One way or another.
If you have any questions about who in the freaking heck Jason is, you have apparently not been reading this blog long enough, as he has been mentioned in the past year, on more than one occassion!! See my crazy after christmas posts, or maybe the interview I did with Lara. They are out there. I tell you so!
In any case, I would expound, but I am not really feeling like going there right now.
This is pretty much all you need to know...(A quick sum up)...
16/Jason/Smooching/18/Friends/Heartache/Prayers for Salvation/Good times/19/Same/Love Me!!/Crazy About You!!/Lots more prayers/Tears/Jen & Daniel/Everyone moving/Amanda pursuing another path
Fast Forward...
30/Dream/Prayer/Why am I thinking about you out of the blue?!/Divorce/Pain/Random reconnect with J & D/More Prayers/More Tears/More Pain/He Really cared about me back then/31/A small question creeps in!/Lots More Prayers!/Maybe one day?/Who knows?/Amanda's heart is lame and should be hiding under the bed, but instead is retardedly letting itself wander into the realm of what if?!/SIGH.
If that makes any sense, then yay for your powers of deduction.
=)
Anyway, I promise to try and be better about letting you know what in the bleep is going on. hehe.
I have been sort of a horrible slacker of late!!
But hey, on the bright side, if I move to Texas, I will miss everyone, and therefore have to spend more time online.
*wink wink*
Cheers!
(Damn you Ryan! :p )
Monday, August 13, 2007
Crazy...and bored.
Yes, yes, it has been like a million years since I posted, I know. Jill even left me a message this weekend to try and lure me in (it worked by the way, as you can see..).
I am just in a crazy frame of mind and haven't felt like writing about it I guess.
I am getting bored at my job. Big surprise, I know, but I just thought that would not happen. lol.
I am feeling good in general though...I really can't complain about anything.
I am going to San Antonio next month to see some friends that I have been neglecting for far too long. I think I am also going there to face my past. Grr. I obviously still have some things to work out. Ugh. Nothing like a good heartache to get you going. HA! I am so not serious about that!!
Oh my LANTA I get bored too easily. I should have never left Starbucks. I should have worked there until I died. lol!!!
They kept me running around like a maniac, which apparently is the only way I can function. :p
But you know, I just get like this sometimes. Restless. Antsy.
Things are good though, and I am not complaining. Hopefully I am over that bitching stage of life for awhile. I am just going with it. Here or there, to or fro, wherever it leads me next, I will do it with a smile on.
=)
I am just in a crazy frame of mind and haven't felt like writing about it I guess.
I am getting bored at my job. Big surprise, I know, but I just thought that would not happen. lol.
I am feeling good in general though...I really can't complain about anything.
I am going to San Antonio next month to see some friends that I have been neglecting for far too long. I think I am also going there to face my past. Grr. I obviously still have some things to work out. Ugh. Nothing like a good heartache to get you going. HA! I am so not serious about that!!
Oh my LANTA I get bored too easily. I should have never left Starbucks. I should have worked there until I died. lol!!!
They kept me running around like a maniac, which apparently is the only way I can function. :p
But you know, I just get like this sometimes. Restless. Antsy.
Things are good though, and I am not complaining. Hopefully I am over that bitching stage of life for awhile. I am just going with it. Here or there, to or fro, wherever it leads me next, I will do it with a smile on.
=)
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Friday the 13th...
It was a good day.
Karla has two, lovely, NEARLY 7LB bouncing babies. She had a c-section at 10am this morning London time. (2am here in Washington)
I am stoked!!!
Also, little sister is officially un-engaged. Big sister is happy because she made a wise decision. Also, he didn't love Jesus, and I am sorry...you can believe whatever you want and I will still like you...but my sister is a believer and I thought she should be with someone who was like minded.
Work was good today, and the insane part of my week has once again ended without me bursting a blood vessel. =) Always a bonus!!
I am tired as heck and have a lot on my brain, but once again I have survived until Friday night.
The weather here is LOVELY!! It wasn't too hot today, just nice, and it is still warm. I love warm summer evenings.
I have friends whom I adore and all around I feel that life is very good. I like to roll with that feeling while I have it, ya know?!
Anyway, despite being in a fabulous mood, I am completely wiped out, and although I get to sleep in a bit, I still have to work at 9am tomorrow so I really must go to bed.
Adios!
Karla has two, lovely, NEARLY 7LB bouncing babies. She had a c-section at 10am this morning London time. (2am here in Washington)
I am stoked!!!
Also, little sister is officially un-engaged. Big sister is happy because she made a wise decision. Also, he didn't love Jesus, and I am sorry...you can believe whatever you want and I will still like you...but my sister is a believer and I thought she should be with someone who was like minded.
Work was good today, and the insane part of my week has once again ended without me bursting a blood vessel. =) Always a bonus!!
I am tired as heck and have a lot on my brain, but once again I have survived until Friday night.
The weather here is LOVELY!! It wasn't too hot today, just nice, and it is still warm. I love warm summer evenings.
I have friends whom I adore and all around I feel that life is very good. I like to roll with that feeling while I have it, ya know?!
Anyway, despite being in a fabulous mood, I am completely wiped out, and although I get to sleep in a bit, I still have to work at 9am tomorrow so I really must go to bed.
Adios!
Monday, July 09, 2007
So I am trying to type a title for this blog, but it won't let me click into that little box. How lame is that?
Well kids, sorry for my disappearance, but I am just not feeling the bloggyness of late. Possibly due to physical pain, followed by I-am-so-damn-busy-I-can-hardly-stand-it!!!! Although, look! I have a day off now and I am actually posting!!! Wooo! Wonders will never cease!
So work is going well, but busy, and I am just somewhere in the clouds right now. My brain is MIA. I didn't even know what to do having an entire day off to myself, so I went and got a haircut and let some lady at Macy's put way too much eye make-up on me. Good times.
I was going to go to church since I haven't been in ages, but then I was exhausted so I slept in. I really needed that actually, after everything.
Currently I am trying to figure out the living situation. My lease is up next month and rent is going up...not that I really want to stay here anyway...so I am hoping to find a roommate or something much cheaper. We shall see. It's not looking terribly promising at the moment, but you just never can tell.
I hope all is well out there in cyberland. I am sure your lives are terribly more exciting than mine this summer.
Anyway, that's all for now.
Well kids, sorry for my disappearance, but I am just not feeling the bloggyness of late. Possibly due to physical pain, followed by I-am-so-damn-busy-I-can-hardly-stand-it!!!! Although, look! I have a day off now and I am actually posting!!! Wooo! Wonders will never cease!
So work is going well, but busy, and I am just somewhere in the clouds right now. My brain is MIA. I didn't even know what to do having an entire day off to myself, so I went and got a haircut and let some lady at Macy's put way too much eye make-up on me. Good times.
I was going to go to church since I haven't been in ages, but then I was exhausted so I slept in. I really needed that actually, after everything.
Currently I am trying to figure out the living situation. My lease is up next month and rent is going up...not that I really want to stay here anyway...so I am hoping to find a roommate or something much cheaper. We shall see. It's not looking terribly promising at the moment, but you just never can tell.
I hope all is well out there in cyberland. I am sure your lives are terribly more exciting than mine this summer.
Anyway, that's all for now.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
It's Hard to Chew a Burger When Your Mouth is All Swolled Up
=)
Okay, so disreguard everything I said in that last post about it "not being so bad." It was horrible.
Okay, Friday and Saturday were a breeze, and I was thinking; "Is this it?" Umm..it wasn't it.
About 4am Sunday morning I woke up in about the worst pain I have ever been in in my life, medically speaking. Not only my mouth hurt, but my entire jaw was tight and in agony. I had the most excrutiating headache in my temples that I have ever had before. It made me nauseous.
I had to get up and eat something, so that I could take a couple of pills and slip back into blissful sleep (eventually anyway).
Somehow I managed to survive that horrible day, only to face it again on Monday. Except, dear friends, on Monday, my painkillers chose 'such a time as this' to make me incredibly ill, at which time (around noon give or take) I started to throw up, and continued doing so all. day. long. This was despite the fact that I stopped taking absolutely everything the first time. I was still throwing up right before I went to bed around midnight. So much for going back to work THAT day! haha.
Tuesday, my headache was still excrutiating, and it had now been nearly 24 hours with no drugs, and I was afraid to eat anything. Boys and Girls, I HATE to throw up. More than just about anything.
So I laid in my bed as long as possible before finally venturing into the unsafe territory of applesauce. After three hours, despite the fact that I was still wracked with nausea, I hadn't lost it yet, so I decided to graduate up to a bit of oatmeal.
My head was about ready to explode, like those aliens in "Mars Attacks," when they hear Slim Pickins. I wouldn't dare to even take ibuprofen though, because I knew it would never stay where I put it!
Eventually I survived the whole day, and my friend came over last night to take me to the store, where I bought Sprite, fried chicken, and saltines. I know you are thinking why fried chicken?! It eases my stomache, however weird that sounds, and as hard as it was to get down it was worth every bite. Plus, I ate a lot of saltines last night. Eventually, just before bed, my stomache felt about as close to level as I thought it was going to get, so I took some ibuprofen and went to bed.
You will be happy to know I feel much better today.
I still have a headache, but I have been able to take a little ibuprofen to keep it at bay.
My incisions don't really hurt much, they are just annoying, and I have vowed to never take oxycodone again as long as I live.
Aside from the stomache blahs, I also kept seeing flashes from 'The Color Purple' that made no sense and shouldn't have been traumatizing, and feeling like I was trapped in a nightmare that was never going to end. Literally.
It also took two days for my pupils to dialate back to a normal size.
Today at work someone told me they can never take that stuff because it gives them crazy dreams and I was like...AH HA! I did feel a little paranoid as well, I confess. I was having my doubts that my water supply isn't in fact poisoned, and that my dishwashing detergent hasn't slowly been making me ill.
I'm better now. Well, mostly. My stomache is still a tad ruffled, and my mouth isn't working 100% correctly, but I am going to retire early and possibly watch some lame marathon of Miami Ink, or one of those tattoo shows that I love for no apparent reason. This, I am confident, will help me recover. =)
At least I am well enough to even look at my laptop. I was avoiding it for a few days. I was pretty much avoiding everything that included getting out of bed. You'd think I wouldn't want to lay down again, but it's amazing how fighting off pain can make you tired.
So there you have it, Amanda's grand wisdom teeth adventure!!
I'll try to reappear again sometime soon for more hilarity.
Okay, so disreguard everything I said in that last post about it "not being so bad." It was horrible.
Okay, Friday and Saturday were a breeze, and I was thinking; "Is this it?" Umm..it wasn't it.
About 4am Sunday morning I woke up in about the worst pain I have ever been in in my life, medically speaking. Not only my mouth hurt, but my entire jaw was tight and in agony. I had the most excrutiating headache in my temples that I have ever had before. It made me nauseous.
I had to get up and eat something, so that I could take a couple of pills and slip back into blissful sleep (eventually anyway).
Somehow I managed to survive that horrible day, only to face it again on Monday. Except, dear friends, on Monday, my painkillers chose 'such a time as this' to make me incredibly ill, at which time (around noon give or take) I started to throw up, and continued doing so all. day. long. This was despite the fact that I stopped taking absolutely everything the first time. I was still throwing up right before I went to bed around midnight. So much for going back to work THAT day! haha.
Tuesday, my headache was still excrutiating, and it had now been nearly 24 hours with no drugs, and I was afraid to eat anything. Boys and Girls, I HATE to throw up. More than just about anything.
So I laid in my bed as long as possible before finally venturing into the unsafe territory of applesauce. After three hours, despite the fact that I was still wracked with nausea, I hadn't lost it yet, so I decided to graduate up to a bit of oatmeal.
My head was about ready to explode, like those aliens in "Mars Attacks," when they hear Slim Pickins. I wouldn't dare to even take ibuprofen though, because I knew it would never stay where I put it!
Eventually I survived the whole day, and my friend came over last night to take me to the store, where I bought Sprite, fried chicken, and saltines. I know you are thinking why fried chicken?! It eases my stomache, however weird that sounds, and as hard as it was to get down it was worth every bite. Plus, I ate a lot of saltines last night. Eventually, just before bed, my stomache felt about as close to level as I thought it was going to get, so I took some ibuprofen and went to bed.
You will be happy to know I feel much better today.
I still have a headache, but I have been able to take a little ibuprofen to keep it at bay.
My incisions don't really hurt much, they are just annoying, and I have vowed to never take oxycodone again as long as I live.
Aside from the stomache blahs, I also kept seeing flashes from 'The Color Purple' that made no sense and shouldn't have been traumatizing, and feeling like I was trapped in a nightmare that was never going to end. Literally.
It also took two days for my pupils to dialate back to a normal size.
Today at work someone told me they can never take that stuff because it gives them crazy dreams and I was like...AH HA! I did feel a little paranoid as well, I confess. I was having my doubts that my water supply isn't in fact poisoned, and that my dishwashing detergent hasn't slowly been making me ill.
I'm better now. Well, mostly. My stomache is still a tad ruffled, and my mouth isn't working 100% correctly, but I am going to retire early and possibly watch some lame marathon of Miami Ink, or one of those tattoo shows that I love for no apparent reason. This, I am confident, will help me recover. =)
At least I am well enough to even look at my laptop. I was avoiding it for a few days. I was pretty much avoiding everything that included getting out of bed. You'd think I wouldn't want to lay down again, but it's amazing how fighting off pain can make you tired.
So there you have it, Amanda's grand wisdom teeth adventure!!
I'll try to reappear again sometime soon for more hilarity.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Bye bye Wizzy's!
It's official. I am finally girl-without-wisdom-teeth.
It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. I never even had a chance to see the iv in my arm, as I looked away while they were putting it in, and promptly fell asleep afterward. =)
Anyway, I am still on the medicine from the Oral Surgeon, so I am feeling pretty okay, at least despite the fact that my mouth is full of gauze and I just want to guzzle some water now, without drinking half a pint of blood at the same time. I hate that dry mouth feeling. Bleh.
I definitely need popsicles. fer sure. :p
Anyway, much disomfort, but I will live. It's not so bad...we'll just see when the drugs where off. They did give me a prescription for painkillers though, so that oughta fix me right up. =)
Well, I know this was brief, but I am off to find some ice and a good movie. =) Hope all is well out there in bloggyland.
It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. I never even had a chance to see the iv in my arm, as I looked away while they were putting it in, and promptly fell asleep afterward. =)
Anyway, I am still on the medicine from the Oral Surgeon, so I am feeling pretty okay, at least despite the fact that my mouth is full of gauze and I just want to guzzle some water now, without drinking half a pint of blood at the same time. I hate that dry mouth feeling. Bleh.
I definitely need popsicles. fer sure. :p
Anyway, much disomfort, but I will live. It's not so bad...we'll just see when the drugs where off. They did give me a prescription for painkillers though, so that oughta fix me right up. =)
Well, I know this was brief, but I am off to find some ice and a good movie. =) Hope all is well out there in bloggyland.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Jerry Springer called; He wants your family.
...
I would like to say that I am beyond words, but that is not often the case if there is something at all worth ranting about.
My family is so completely messed up that I cannot begin to describe it.
Last night I called a family friend to say happy birthday, and we ended up talking for an hour and a half about her helping out with my neice and nephew, and how stressful that has become.
My nephew really has noone to give him the time and attention a 7 year old deserves. I have witnessed this for a long time, and have no idea what to do about it. I can't take him. Noone would let me, even if I thought it possible. I used to wish I had a husband who would be willing to step in and parent my nephew.
Likewise, or, maybe not so likewise, my niece does not stand a chance. Niether parent is capable of caring for her. One is too likely to get drunk, pass out, and let her cry herself to death at the very least, and the other is too busy getting high, and passing around STD's to make sure she gets FED!
My mother is currently raising both grandchildren.
She lives in complete denial about my brother and his issues. Maybe she has to live in denial or she will have a complete breakdown, I don't know.
She has to handle everything, and keep up at least the illusion of being in control.
She is tired, bitter, and works full time. She should not be raising these kids, and I could seriously beat the living crap out of my brother for adding to her already difficult situation by knocking up his crack whore ex-girlfriend in the first place.
Ladies and Gentleman, here is what happens when all you are looking for in life is a good lay.
After I got off the phone with my friend last night, I called my little sister and talked to her until after midnight, so we could cry together. Sort of. She is only 18 and works at a crappy job, and can't take my niece even if anyone would let that happen. Mom and my brother will never step out of the way, and even if she ends up getting taken away my brother will most likely become suicidal.
Noone in this situation has the integrity, or self sacrifice to even think of putting this child up for adoption and giving her a chance to have a life with a stable family. No doubt in part because they think we ARE a stable family.
Little sis and I are concerned that without our intervention, our tiny niece is doomed to meet an early demise. She is not in a safe environment. Tristan isn't either, but Mom would never let us take him. Hailey, at least stands a chance of being won away through a custody battle. We don't know what to do. If something happens to her, not only is that terrible enough, but we have to live with our consience for the rest of our lives, that we could have intervened and did not. Who wants to go to court to tell the judge that their own brother, and Mother's pride and joy, is not fit to be a parent and might be the accidental cause of his own childs death?!? This situation sucks. Big time.
I have a horrible fear of ever being a single parent, as I can barely take care of myself. I do not prefer to take the child, but what else are you going to do?!?! Plus, I cannot afford to fight for custody. If I did take her, I would go into it wholeheartedly, and make a lot of sacrifices. It is not something to be even considered lightly. Still, I don't know.
Little sister and I are praying for some kind of a miracle for everyone involved. I am trying to tell myself that I can handle whatever God might ask of me.
I can't do nothing, although I don't know what exactly TO do.
I am at a complete loss, and have a hard time even finding the words to pray. This is usually not an issue for me, but in this case...seriously.
So that is my major drama for this week. Still, I am 300 miles away from my family, and cannot escape. My cousin Sarah is equally f'd up, and my poor grandmother just worries about these situations constantly.
What is there to say really?! Grrrr and Rawr don't even begin to cut it. I am so going to have to hire Jill, just to come and social work my family. haha.
Seriously...KIDS NEED FAMILIES!!!! Get it through your heads people!!!! Somebody freaking sterilize all these freaking horny idiots already!!! Good LORD!
Okay, I need to go do...SOMETHING! Anything. Preferably something that includes breaking something into a million pieces!!
I would like to say that I am beyond words, but that is not often the case if there is something at all worth ranting about.
My family is so completely messed up that I cannot begin to describe it.
Last night I called a family friend to say happy birthday, and we ended up talking for an hour and a half about her helping out with my neice and nephew, and how stressful that has become.
My nephew really has noone to give him the time and attention a 7 year old deserves. I have witnessed this for a long time, and have no idea what to do about it. I can't take him. Noone would let me, even if I thought it possible. I used to wish I had a husband who would be willing to step in and parent my nephew.
Likewise, or, maybe not so likewise, my niece does not stand a chance. Niether parent is capable of caring for her. One is too likely to get drunk, pass out, and let her cry herself to death at the very least, and the other is too busy getting high, and passing around STD's to make sure she gets FED!
My mother is currently raising both grandchildren.
She lives in complete denial about my brother and his issues. Maybe she has to live in denial or she will have a complete breakdown, I don't know.
She has to handle everything, and keep up at least the illusion of being in control.
She is tired, bitter, and works full time. She should not be raising these kids, and I could seriously beat the living crap out of my brother for adding to her already difficult situation by knocking up his crack whore ex-girlfriend in the first place.
Ladies and Gentleman, here is what happens when all you are looking for in life is a good lay.
After I got off the phone with my friend last night, I called my little sister and talked to her until after midnight, so we could cry together. Sort of. She is only 18 and works at a crappy job, and can't take my niece even if anyone would let that happen. Mom and my brother will never step out of the way, and even if she ends up getting taken away my brother will most likely become suicidal.
Noone in this situation has the integrity, or self sacrifice to even think of putting this child up for adoption and giving her a chance to have a life with a stable family. No doubt in part because they think we ARE a stable family.
Little sis and I are concerned that without our intervention, our tiny niece is doomed to meet an early demise. She is not in a safe environment. Tristan isn't either, but Mom would never let us take him. Hailey, at least stands a chance of being won away through a custody battle. We don't know what to do. If something happens to her, not only is that terrible enough, but we have to live with our consience for the rest of our lives, that we could have intervened and did not. Who wants to go to court to tell the judge that their own brother, and Mother's pride and joy, is not fit to be a parent and might be the accidental cause of his own childs death?!? This situation sucks. Big time.
I have a horrible fear of ever being a single parent, as I can barely take care of myself. I do not prefer to take the child, but what else are you going to do?!?! Plus, I cannot afford to fight for custody. If I did take her, I would go into it wholeheartedly, and make a lot of sacrifices. It is not something to be even considered lightly. Still, I don't know.
Little sister and I are praying for some kind of a miracle for everyone involved. I am trying to tell myself that I can handle whatever God might ask of me.
I can't do nothing, although I don't know what exactly TO do.
I am at a complete loss, and have a hard time even finding the words to pray. This is usually not an issue for me, but in this case...seriously.
So that is my major drama for this week. Still, I am 300 miles away from my family, and cannot escape. My cousin Sarah is equally f'd up, and my poor grandmother just worries about these situations constantly.
What is there to say really?! Grrrr and Rawr don't even begin to cut it. I am so going to have to hire Jill, just to come and social work my family. haha.
Seriously...KIDS NEED FAMILIES!!!! Get it through your heads people!!!! Somebody freaking sterilize all these freaking horny idiots already!!! Good LORD!
Okay, I need to go do...SOMETHING! Anything. Preferably something that includes breaking something into a million pieces!!
Monday, June 11, 2007
A Response, and other Lameness
Jillbe thought I had fallen off the edge of the world, so I thought I better post. haha. It has been a week after all.
So I decided to say the following:
a) Amanda is alive and well, still working two jobs, still a bit stressed, but doing ok.
b) Amanda is becoming a bit of an activist.
c) You should go HERE and support a good cause = helping in the fight against AIDS/HIV in Africa, and this is a practical way to do it. Every little bit helps.
d) It's important to remember that little things go a long way.
e) I have to get my wisdom teeth out next Friday and I don't wanna. *pout*
Okay, moving right along. Here are some things that people have reminded me of this week, and I feel the desire to share:
1) In and Out Burger, the closest of which (to my current location) is in Redding, CA and that might just be too far to drive for a burger, although man do I want one.
2) The Cracker Barrel, the closest of which to my current location is in Missoula, MT. Do we see a pattern here?
3) Pablo y Carol Arria. Where are they now?! I don't know, but I wish I did. I miss them. I want to hug them and squeeze them!! Come to me little Venezuelans!
4) The craziest people in the world, CAN be found in the Starbucks drive-thru. It's true, I am telling you. I witness this first hand on a regular basis.
5) It has been way way way too long since I talked to Karla in London, and hearing her voice on my answering machine makes me want to cry. Awww.
So there you go. Another post of random Amanda madness (say that five times fast!). Hope you enjoyed. More to come at a later, as yet unspecified date. ;)
So I decided to say the following:
a) Amanda is alive and well, still working two jobs, still a bit stressed, but doing ok.
b) Amanda is becoming a bit of an activist.
c) You should go HERE and support a good cause = helping in the fight against AIDS/HIV in Africa, and this is a practical way to do it. Every little bit helps.
d) It's important to remember that little things go a long way.
e) I have to get my wisdom teeth out next Friday and I don't wanna. *pout*
Okay, moving right along. Here are some things that people have reminded me of this week, and I feel the desire to share:
1) In and Out Burger, the closest of which (to my current location) is in Redding, CA and that might just be too far to drive for a burger, although man do I want one.
2) The Cracker Barrel, the closest of which to my current location is in Missoula, MT. Do we see a pattern here?
3) Pablo y Carol Arria. Where are they now?! I don't know, but I wish I did. I miss them. I want to hug them and squeeze them!! Come to me little Venezuelans!
4) The craziest people in the world, CAN be found in the Starbucks drive-thru. It's true, I am telling you. I witness this first hand on a regular basis.
5) It has been way way way too long since I talked to Karla in London, and hearing her voice on my answering machine makes me want to cry. Awww.
So there you go. Another post of random Amanda madness (say that five times fast!). Hope you enjoyed. More to come at a later, as yet unspecified date. ;)
Monday, June 04, 2007
Thirty-One Flavors (and then some)
Sorry I have been so bad about updating.
I find that lately, either I have nothing to say, or I just don't want to talk about the things I wish I could say. I would rather just keep it all inside and let it roll around until I am ready to let it go (if that ever happens).
I go through these phases.
I am just in a deep one right now.
In other news, I am officially 31. Joy. Wahoo. Toss a firecracker.
In honor of my birthday, I get to pay a late rent fee of 50$! Woo! What can I say? Shit has been known to happen. :p
I did go out to lunch with some coworkers. That was lovely. There was chocolate cake involved.
Nothing else terribly exciting. It was fairly nice overall. I can't really complain.
I find that lately, either I have nothing to say, or I just don't want to talk about the things I wish I could say. I would rather just keep it all inside and let it roll around until I am ready to let it go (if that ever happens).
I go through these phases.
I am just in a deep one right now.
In other news, I am officially 31. Joy. Wahoo. Toss a firecracker.
In honor of my birthday, I get to pay a late rent fee of 50$! Woo! What can I say? Shit has been known to happen. :p
I did go out to lunch with some coworkers. That was lovely. There was chocolate cake involved.
Nothing else terribly exciting. It was fairly nice overall. I can't really complain.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I'm A Respectable Grown-Up Type Person. Yes, Yes, I Am
Do you like how it sounds like I am saying this to myself?!
I would like to take a brief side trail here to talk about Evanescence. Specifically, their debut album. It came out at a strange period in my life. I was getting ready to move off to L.A.
Okay, obviously that didn't work out so well. I wasn't there so long!! Anyway...I listened to that album a lot during that time, and it still brings back this whole amazing rush of feelings.
Good, but really quite interesting feelings that I have a hard time describing. It connects with getting outside the box. Getting in touch with something inside, and at the same time, escaping one's environment.
Strange, I know, but there it is.
I was listening to my ipod and one of the songs came on and I thought; It's a really great day to hear this song.
So back to me being a respectable grownup type person.
Surely, I am. Yes, yes. I simply must be.
Some days I even feel like I am!!
What is bringing this on you ask? My need to remind myself that this simply must be the truth? Well, to be honest, the answer is quite lame. I am pretty sure I don't even want to share it. =P
Stupid stuff.
Stupid stuff that I have apparently not learned to put aside and care less about.
I am doing pretty good here. Work is pretty good. I am paying my bills. I love the weather. I am a wee bit inspired to take a couple of classes...
In general, I just can't complain.
And yet.. Don't we always find something to be unsatisfied about?
I can distract myself from a lot of things. I am good at dealing with pain. I can put it aside and smile on the surface despite however I feel inside. In fact, I can even feel pretty good on the surface.
Still, sometimes there are things that are lurking down there in my heart. I can't quite get rid of them. They come and go, but when they are here, there is no ignoring that fact. I can put them aside for awhile. I have learned to live with their company. Even so, GGRRR!!! I don't want to have to!! Makes me MAD!
So here is my very, very lame and ugly confession, which will only be given to you bloggers out there in the abyss.
I feel like the crypt keeper. =) My little sister, who recently turned 18, is engaged. She and her Beau have been dating for some time. I am not completely surprised to be honest, and yet, I didn't expect it to come so soon. I would like it much better if he loved Jesus, but he is really good to my sister and makes her happy, so you take what you can get. She deserves some happiness.
The question then occurs to me, however unbidden, do I not?
It's a stupid question. I might as well ask, Does JillB not? Of course she does. We know that she is a charming individual, and the same age as me (although NOT the crypt keeper. hehe).
There is no measuring device for who deserves happiness, and who doesn't. Besides, there are plenty of desperately unhappy married people. That isn't happiness really, it is just something that we want. A nice bonus!
I am okay with that. Okay with being single.
In fact, if I could just set better goals and get the freak on with it, I would be overjoyed.
If I could just put it aside and not freaking think about it!! Grrr!! Not like its ever present, but you know what I mean. It lurks.
That is what makes me angry. It's lurkiness. Ready to pounce on me and tell me how unworthy I am, and how it is something that has passed me by, when instead I should be feeling happiness for those I care about.
Besides, my other siblings and cousins have been popping out babies for the last three years. This should not be shocking.
Stoopid! STTOOOOPPIIIDDD!!! =)
I know these lies are not true, but again with the lurky. If I could just kick Mr. Lurky to the curb, we would be doing great.
Unfortunately, it is there right now, underneath everything else. That feeling that its just not for me. Which, I could deal with, if I just didn't want it so fucking badly. GRRR! I hate not being able to control that. Really, truly hate it.
Well, I just keep on pressing on, because that is what I do. Pain or no pain. I just wish I could stop secretly thinking that He is punishing me, or that this is a secret experiment, to see how much I can take. How many times my heart can nearly beat out of its chest and still stay put!
I can't let myself dwell there.
I have to just pick myself up and go forward, to wherever that is.
It's all good. In the end, I know, its all good.
I would like to take a brief side trail here to talk about Evanescence. Specifically, their debut album. It came out at a strange period in my life. I was getting ready to move off to L.A.
Okay, obviously that didn't work out so well. I wasn't there so long!! Anyway...I listened to that album a lot during that time, and it still brings back this whole amazing rush of feelings.
Good, but really quite interesting feelings that I have a hard time describing. It connects with getting outside the box. Getting in touch with something inside, and at the same time, escaping one's environment.
Strange, I know, but there it is.
I was listening to my ipod and one of the songs came on and I thought; It's a really great day to hear this song.
So back to me being a respectable grownup type person.
Surely, I am. Yes, yes. I simply must be.
Some days I even feel like I am!!
What is bringing this on you ask? My need to remind myself that this simply must be the truth? Well, to be honest, the answer is quite lame. I am pretty sure I don't even want to share it. =P
Stupid stuff.
Stupid stuff that I have apparently not learned to put aside and care less about.
I am doing pretty good here. Work is pretty good. I am paying my bills. I love the weather. I am a wee bit inspired to take a couple of classes...
In general, I just can't complain.
And yet.. Don't we always find something to be unsatisfied about?
I can distract myself from a lot of things. I am good at dealing with pain. I can put it aside and smile on the surface despite however I feel inside. In fact, I can even feel pretty good on the surface.
Still, sometimes there are things that are lurking down there in my heart. I can't quite get rid of them. They come and go, but when they are here, there is no ignoring that fact. I can put them aside for awhile. I have learned to live with their company. Even so, GGRRR!!! I don't want to have to!! Makes me MAD!
So here is my very, very lame and ugly confession, which will only be given to you bloggers out there in the abyss.
I feel like the crypt keeper. =) My little sister, who recently turned 18, is engaged. She and her Beau have been dating for some time. I am not completely surprised to be honest, and yet, I didn't expect it to come so soon. I would like it much better if he loved Jesus, but he is really good to my sister and makes her happy, so you take what you can get. She deserves some happiness.
The question then occurs to me, however unbidden, do I not?
It's a stupid question. I might as well ask, Does JillB not? Of course she does. We know that she is a charming individual, and the same age as me (although NOT the crypt keeper. hehe).
There is no measuring device for who deserves happiness, and who doesn't. Besides, there are plenty of desperately unhappy married people. That isn't happiness really, it is just something that we want. A nice bonus!
I am okay with that. Okay with being single.
In fact, if I could just set better goals and get the freak on with it, I would be overjoyed.
If I could just put it aside and not freaking think about it!! Grrr!! Not like its ever present, but you know what I mean. It lurks.
That is what makes me angry. It's lurkiness. Ready to pounce on me and tell me how unworthy I am, and how it is something that has passed me by, when instead I should be feeling happiness for those I care about.
Besides, my other siblings and cousins have been popping out babies for the last three years. This should not be shocking.
Stoopid! STTOOOOPPIIIDDD!!! =)
I know these lies are not true, but again with the lurky. If I could just kick Mr. Lurky to the curb, we would be doing great.
Unfortunately, it is there right now, underneath everything else. That feeling that its just not for me. Which, I could deal with, if I just didn't want it so fucking badly. GRRR! I hate not being able to control that. Really, truly hate it.
Well, I just keep on pressing on, because that is what I do. Pain or no pain. I just wish I could stop secretly thinking that He is punishing me, or that this is a secret experiment, to see how much I can take. How many times my heart can nearly beat out of its chest and still stay put!
I can't let myself dwell there.
I have to just pick myself up and go forward, to wherever that is.
It's all good. In the end, I know, its all good.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Apparently, I have been tagged. I guess I'm IT!
Lara tagged Jill, and Jill tagged me.
Unfortunately, that means that I have to find a spark of creativity, and I am just not feeling it. ha.
They didn't give me any specific rules, so I am just going to have to go with it!!
Since next Monday is my 31st birthday, I am going to give you 31 of my favorite songs, and a few random memories that go with them. I love music, and this is by no means an exhaustive list of my favorites. Reading Jill and Lara's memes however, got me thinking about days gone by, so I dug into the past for many of these. Hope you enjoy (or are at least amused! ha!)
1. When I was very young...4ish? I remember my sister and I sitting with my parents on the hide-a-bed, singing into one of those stereo microphones, along with old Chicago. Not just one song, actually, although "Saturday in the Park" always comes to mind. Somewhere, once, there existed a tape of this. I wish I knew where. If it still even exists.
2. When I was a kid, my great grandmother lived in Sunnyside, Washington, which is also where my dad and his siblings went to high school. We used to drive there all the time to visit and there were three albums we listened to over and over, that became ingrained in my head. The first song I remember from these is a song called "The Master's Call" by Marty Robbins. It was the first favorite song I can remember, from like the 3rd grade. Nearly 15 years later, when I had not heard the song since I was a kid, I could still remember every single word.
3. "Hello" Lionel Richie
Again, one of my oldest favorite songs. Another song from road trips, these with my mom and aunt.
4. One of my most favorite songs ever is a song called "Higher Love," by Steve Winwood. Once, when I was like 11, my very first crush (Stevie Ferguson, who was my neighbor and friend until I was six) and his family, visited ours from California. My friends and I had a slumber party in the yard. Sleeping under the stars I listened to that song and dreamed of Stevie, and a 12 yr old happy ever after. :p
5. "For the Longest Time" by Billy Joel was my cousin Stephanie's favorite song when we were kids, and she is still fond of it. Her parents drove this tiny Sprint, and crammed all of us cousins in the back all the time. We would holler the chorus at the top of our lungs, but our mom's didn't care, they would just sing along. =)
6. "True Blue" Ooohhh Madonna. I still love this song, I confess. I pilfered it from the neighbor girl in the fifth grade. Whenever my parents let me be home alone I would turn it up super loud and listen to it five times in a row.
7. "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen. My cousins and siblings and I, on warm summer evenings, used to sit out on my grandmothers deck while the grown-ups played cards. We would watch the bug zapper light up and buzz, and everytime it did we would sing in chorus; "Du dun dun dun...Another one bites the dust!" Sometimes now someone will do it just to make everyone else laugh.
8. "I will Always Love You" the Whitney Houston version. I can't help it. Even if it's cheesy, this song was playing in the background during my last, and most memorable kiss. =)
9. "I'll Be There For You" Bon Jovi
My friend Dani (whom I grew up with) and I used to be huge Bon Jovi fans. We grew up listening to them. When I finally saw them in concert with my Aunt and cousin about three years ago, I commented to them as Richie Sambora started to sing this song...."It just isn't the same without Dani here to tell me what a cute butt he has!" :p
10. "I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues" Elton John.
I can't even give you a great memory for this one. It was really popular on the radio around the same time as the above mentioned "For the Longest Time." Somthing about the melody just captured me, even when I was so young, and I still love this song. It just haunts me.
11. "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" Tears for Fears
Ya know. There are just some songs that remind you of when you were young. Summertime, barbecues, going to the lake. Feeling good in general. This is one of those songs. Also a great summer driving song, although not the #1. See below. :p
12. "Hysteria" Def Leppard
It is my personal opinion that this is the best summer driving song EVER. No, I mean it, EVER.
13."If I Stand" Rich Mullins
Okay, I so hate that Rich died before I got to see him in concert. The man was an insanely good hammered dulcimer player. Listening to those songs of his that are full of the dulcimer just fill me with unexplainable happiness. I love this guy. My old youth pastor was a big fan too, and it was one of those things we bonded over. I just have a lot of memories of my old college group days, and Rich's songs in the background.
14. "Let Me Sing" Andrew Peterson
Because it says everything I feel about my faith. What I would sing to God, if I knew I were singing to God.
15. "Sing Sing Sing" specifically from the Swing Kids soundtrack as well, but really, any version, its a GREAT song.
We coerced the DJ to play it at my senior prom! Oh man, we had so much fun dancing to that. My friend Chris offered to flip me, but I politely declined. I confess, I was afraid that I was heavier than him and he would drop me. =)
16. "Family Tradition" Hank Williams Jr.
Seriously, this lands in the list of all-time faves. I don't think I even would have liked it, but I used to go once in awhile to this country bar at the state line when I was in my late teens and early twenties. The band ALWAYS played this song. Not only was there a line dance that went with it, but EVERYONE sang the words at the top of their lungs. It was a rowdy atmosphere, but oh my gosh, I have rarely had such fun.
17. "Wanna Be Startin Somethin'" Michael Jackson
No, I have not outgrown the Thriller album. Let's face it, it was one of the best albums ever. Plus, it reminds me so much of when I was young. My mom and my aunt used to be huge Michael Jackson fans (at least until he turned into the crypt keeper).
18. "Where the Green Grass Grows" Tim McGraw
I used to take long drives when I needed to think or felt stressed out. I would drive up toward Mnt. Spokane at dusk, and this is just one of those songs that I always loved to listen to, while taking in the general splendor of wheat fields bordered by heavy pine. Smelling the smells, and feeling at peace. It still reminds me of home, and is also a Becky and Amanda song. It always makes me think of her. Love you Beck!
19. "Martyrs & Thieves" Jennifer Knapp
Actually, every song on this cd reminds me of DTS, especially India, but this song particularly reminds me of Shawn. I would leave my boom box in the kitchen (this is in Amsterdam), so that the clean up crew could use it, and I remember coming down later, and finding Shawn sitting on the counter in the dark, listening to Martyrs & Thieves.
20.The National Anthem
Laugh if you must, but I cry everytime I hear it. No kidding. I mean, I may not shed actual tears at a sporting event, but they certainly well up a bit. 4th of July? Yeah, forget it, its over.
21. "The Easter Song" Keith Green
Okay, if you listen to Keith these days, he sounds a bit hokey, but you know he was great for his time. Check out the Afro!! Anyway, I had never really listened to him before DTS, and then one time on outreach we were driving somewhere, singing all these old sunday school songs (most of which I didn't know since I didn't grow up in ss) and somebody started to sing this song. Slowly, most of the other people joined in. I didn't know the words of course, but I got chills listening. Listening to the song now brings back that memory, but nothing will ever be as amazing as hearing all those lovely people sing it wholeheartedly.
22. "You Are The New Day" The Kings Singers
Actually, I can't remember the arrangement, though I know I still have the music in my hope chest. We sang this song in high school for graduation. Not my graduation, but the class before me. It was maybe my favorite song I ever sang in choir. Haha. Choir trips always make me remember how I flashed a guy while changing on the bus. Okay, it wasn't that bad, but I probably showed him a little more than I would have liked for him to see. lol.
23. "Day by Day" Arrangement unknown
Again, high school. This is one of the songs we sang in jazz choir, and it just happens to stick out. Jazz choir was the best thing that ever happened to me. You know those pathetic people that think high school included the best days of their lives?! I am one of those pathetic people. I have never felt the way I felt in choir, about anything else. Ever.
24. "Sunday Bloody Sunday" Do I even need to say U2?!!
Obviously, there is a lot behind this song. I love a lot ( a really really lot) of U2 songs, but this has always been one of my faves. I think because it includes the line "The real battle yet begun, to claim the victory Jesus won."
25. "Help Me Believe" Nichole Nordeman
Because it is so me. Really. When I sing it, its like I wrote it.
26. "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" John Mayer
Just listen to the music. So bluesy. I love songs that sound like this. Currently playing in the Amanda music library.
27. "Mystery" Indigo Girls
For this line alone: "I could go crazy on a night like tonight, when summer's beginning to give up her fight..."
My friend from high school got me hooked on Indigo Girls. I love pretty much everything they have done, but this is the song I would crank on those late summer evenings when I could take off my t-tops and cruise.
28. "Promentory" (#6!) Last of the Mohicans soundtrack
Because lets face it, this is one of the best soundtracks in the history of soundtracks (and you know you think so), and this is one of the best tracks on this cd!!!
29. "I'll Cover You"(Reprise) from Rent (Original motion picture soundtrack)
Maybe because there had to be a Rent song on here. It really moves me. More than I can explain.
30. "Rickety House" Pages of May
I know you have never heard of them before, but I sincerely wish otherwise. It was a local band. I knew the guys through church friends. They were very solid musically, and the songwriting was so fantastic. It was the bass and drum line that really sucked you in though. Those two guys were friends, and they were tight. It's all about a good rythm section. Anyway..they were sincerely one of my favorite bands ever ever ever.
31. Title Unknown
In high school my friend Chris played the piano for me, and sang me this song in one of our practice rooms. He sang it TO me. I can still remember. I can hear his voice. It always brings with it a lot of emotion.
So there you have it! Yay for you if you managed to stay awake through all of that tedium. haha!
At least Jill will be forced to, since she made me do it! :p
Unfortunately, that means that I have to find a spark of creativity, and I am just not feeling it. ha.
They didn't give me any specific rules, so I am just going to have to go with it!!
Since next Monday is my 31st birthday, I am going to give you 31 of my favorite songs, and a few random memories that go with them. I love music, and this is by no means an exhaustive list of my favorites. Reading Jill and Lara's memes however, got me thinking about days gone by, so I dug into the past for many of these. Hope you enjoy (or are at least amused! ha!)
1. When I was very young...4ish? I remember my sister and I sitting with my parents on the hide-a-bed, singing into one of those stereo microphones, along with old Chicago. Not just one song, actually, although "Saturday in the Park" always comes to mind. Somewhere, once, there existed a tape of this. I wish I knew where. If it still even exists.
2. When I was a kid, my great grandmother lived in Sunnyside, Washington, which is also where my dad and his siblings went to high school. We used to drive there all the time to visit and there were three albums we listened to over and over, that became ingrained in my head. The first song I remember from these is a song called "The Master's Call" by Marty Robbins. It was the first favorite song I can remember, from like the 3rd grade. Nearly 15 years later, when I had not heard the song since I was a kid, I could still remember every single word.
3. "Hello" Lionel Richie
Again, one of my oldest favorite songs. Another song from road trips, these with my mom and aunt.
4. One of my most favorite songs ever is a song called "Higher Love," by Steve Winwood. Once, when I was like 11, my very first crush (Stevie Ferguson, who was my neighbor and friend until I was six) and his family, visited ours from California. My friends and I had a slumber party in the yard. Sleeping under the stars I listened to that song and dreamed of Stevie, and a 12 yr old happy ever after. :p
5. "For the Longest Time" by Billy Joel was my cousin Stephanie's favorite song when we were kids, and she is still fond of it. Her parents drove this tiny Sprint, and crammed all of us cousins in the back all the time. We would holler the chorus at the top of our lungs, but our mom's didn't care, they would just sing along. =)
6. "True Blue" Ooohhh Madonna. I still love this song, I confess. I pilfered it from the neighbor girl in the fifth grade. Whenever my parents let me be home alone I would turn it up super loud and listen to it five times in a row.
7. "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen. My cousins and siblings and I, on warm summer evenings, used to sit out on my grandmothers deck while the grown-ups played cards. We would watch the bug zapper light up and buzz, and everytime it did we would sing in chorus; "Du dun dun dun...Another one bites the dust!" Sometimes now someone will do it just to make everyone else laugh.
8. "I will Always Love You" the Whitney Houston version. I can't help it. Even if it's cheesy, this song was playing in the background during my last, and most memorable kiss. =)
9. "I'll Be There For You" Bon Jovi
My friend Dani (whom I grew up with) and I used to be huge Bon Jovi fans. We grew up listening to them. When I finally saw them in concert with my Aunt and cousin about three years ago, I commented to them as Richie Sambora started to sing this song...."It just isn't the same without Dani here to tell me what a cute butt he has!" :p
10. "I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues" Elton John.
I can't even give you a great memory for this one. It was really popular on the radio around the same time as the above mentioned "For the Longest Time." Somthing about the melody just captured me, even when I was so young, and I still love this song. It just haunts me.
11. "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" Tears for Fears
Ya know. There are just some songs that remind you of when you were young. Summertime, barbecues, going to the lake. Feeling good in general. This is one of those songs. Also a great summer driving song, although not the #1. See below. :p
12. "Hysteria" Def Leppard
It is my personal opinion that this is the best summer driving song EVER. No, I mean it, EVER.
13."If I Stand" Rich Mullins
Okay, I so hate that Rich died before I got to see him in concert. The man was an insanely good hammered dulcimer player. Listening to those songs of his that are full of the dulcimer just fill me with unexplainable happiness. I love this guy. My old youth pastor was a big fan too, and it was one of those things we bonded over. I just have a lot of memories of my old college group days, and Rich's songs in the background.
14. "Let Me Sing" Andrew Peterson
Because it says everything I feel about my faith. What I would sing to God, if I knew I were singing to God.
15. "Sing Sing Sing" specifically from the Swing Kids soundtrack as well, but really, any version, its a GREAT song.
We coerced the DJ to play it at my senior prom! Oh man, we had so much fun dancing to that. My friend Chris offered to flip me, but I politely declined. I confess, I was afraid that I was heavier than him and he would drop me. =)
16. "Family Tradition" Hank Williams Jr.
Seriously, this lands in the list of all-time faves. I don't think I even would have liked it, but I used to go once in awhile to this country bar at the state line when I was in my late teens and early twenties. The band ALWAYS played this song. Not only was there a line dance that went with it, but EVERYONE sang the words at the top of their lungs. It was a rowdy atmosphere, but oh my gosh, I have rarely had such fun.
17. "Wanna Be Startin Somethin'" Michael Jackson
No, I have not outgrown the Thriller album. Let's face it, it was one of the best albums ever. Plus, it reminds me so much of when I was young. My mom and my aunt used to be huge Michael Jackson fans (at least until he turned into the crypt keeper).
18. "Where the Green Grass Grows" Tim McGraw
I used to take long drives when I needed to think or felt stressed out. I would drive up toward Mnt. Spokane at dusk, and this is just one of those songs that I always loved to listen to, while taking in the general splendor of wheat fields bordered by heavy pine. Smelling the smells, and feeling at peace. It still reminds me of home, and is also a Becky and Amanda song. It always makes me think of her. Love you Beck!
19. "Martyrs & Thieves" Jennifer Knapp
Actually, every song on this cd reminds me of DTS, especially India, but this song particularly reminds me of Shawn. I would leave my boom box in the kitchen (this is in Amsterdam), so that the clean up crew could use it, and I remember coming down later, and finding Shawn sitting on the counter in the dark, listening to Martyrs & Thieves.
20.The National Anthem
Laugh if you must, but I cry everytime I hear it. No kidding. I mean, I may not shed actual tears at a sporting event, but they certainly well up a bit. 4th of July? Yeah, forget it, its over.
21. "The Easter Song" Keith Green
Okay, if you listen to Keith these days, he sounds a bit hokey, but you know he was great for his time. Check out the Afro!! Anyway, I had never really listened to him before DTS, and then one time on outreach we were driving somewhere, singing all these old sunday school songs (most of which I didn't know since I didn't grow up in ss) and somebody started to sing this song. Slowly, most of the other people joined in. I didn't know the words of course, but I got chills listening. Listening to the song now brings back that memory, but nothing will ever be as amazing as hearing all those lovely people sing it wholeheartedly.
22. "You Are The New Day" The Kings Singers
Actually, I can't remember the arrangement, though I know I still have the music in my hope chest. We sang this song in high school for graduation. Not my graduation, but the class before me. It was maybe my favorite song I ever sang in choir. Haha. Choir trips always make me remember how I flashed a guy while changing on the bus. Okay, it wasn't that bad, but I probably showed him a little more than I would have liked for him to see. lol.
23. "Day by Day" Arrangement unknown
Again, high school. This is one of the songs we sang in jazz choir, and it just happens to stick out. Jazz choir was the best thing that ever happened to me. You know those pathetic people that think high school included the best days of their lives?! I am one of those pathetic people. I have never felt the way I felt in choir, about anything else. Ever.
24. "Sunday Bloody Sunday" Do I even need to say U2?!!
Obviously, there is a lot behind this song. I love a lot ( a really really lot) of U2 songs, but this has always been one of my faves. I think because it includes the line "The real battle yet begun, to claim the victory Jesus won."
25. "Help Me Believe" Nichole Nordeman
Because it is so me. Really. When I sing it, its like I wrote it.
26. "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" John Mayer
Just listen to the music. So bluesy. I love songs that sound like this. Currently playing in the Amanda music library.
27. "Mystery" Indigo Girls
For this line alone: "I could go crazy on a night like tonight, when summer's beginning to give up her fight..."
My friend from high school got me hooked on Indigo Girls. I love pretty much everything they have done, but this is the song I would crank on those late summer evenings when I could take off my t-tops and cruise.
28. "Promentory" (#6!) Last of the Mohicans soundtrack
Because lets face it, this is one of the best soundtracks in the history of soundtracks (and you know you think so), and this is one of the best tracks on this cd!!!
29. "I'll Cover You"(Reprise) from Rent (Original motion picture soundtrack)
Maybe because there had to be a Rent song on here. It really moves me. More than I can explain.
30. "Rickety House" Pages of May
I know you have never heard of them before, but I sincerely wish otherwise. It was a local band. I knew the guys through church friends. They were very solid musically, and the songwriting was so fantastic. It was the bass and drum line that really sucked you in though. Those two guys were friends, and they were tight. It's all about a good rythm section. Anyway..they were sincerely one of my favorite bands ever ever ever.
31. Title Unknown
In high school my friend Chris played the piano for me, and sang me this song in one of our practice rooms. He sang it TO me. I can still remember. I can hear his voice. It always brings with it a lot of emotion.
So there you have it! Yay for you if you managed to stay awake through all of that tedium. haha!
At least Jill will be forced to, since she made me do it! :p
Thursday, May 24, 2007
More fun for you
 |
Thirteen things I can never seem to remember... 1. Updating people's email. At work or at home, it doesn't matter. I am constantly forgetting or putting it off. 2. To pay my water bill. The money has been chilling in the bank for a week, but I still haven't gotten around to it. 3. That sometimes I need to call my grandmother. I love my grandmother, tremendously, so what's my deal?? 4. That I don't have to wait to fill up my gas tank until I am running on fumes. 5. To buy food which I will actually take to work for lunch. 6. That I should not stay up until 10pm when I have to open in the morning. 7. To set my alarm clock half an hour earlier. 8. To send a message to Lisa on myspace, asking if she is in touch with Deena. Grrr! Everytime I think about it, I am away from home. Rawr. 9. Where I left my mind. Has anyone seen it? 10. My train of thought. Good Lord but having a long conversation with me is interesting. 11. What was I saying?? 12. Mailing things. Letters will sit on my desk for a month, I kid you not. 13. Creating an interesting list of things for Thursday Thirteens. Not that I have had a lot of time lately, but still. I meant to do it. Honest. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!) |
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Big Paranoid Whussy
Yup, that's me.
Okay, so I had an infection and they put me on antibiotics. At the end of the antibiotics I still wasn't feeling completely recovered, so they looked at my urine (pleasant topic of conversation, I know) again and thought...hmm...maybe there is a tiny bit of something left over, even though we think you should be better by now, so just to be safe here is ten days worth of the totally-serious-kick-your-ass antibiotics. Within one day of those kicking in I was completely feeling fabulous, but I had to take them for ten days anyway. She told me, if this doesn't clear it up, we may need to do an ultrasound to see what's going on in there.
But alas, day ten came and went, and I felt great. I went and did the follow up urine sample (just to be sure all the baddies were gone.) She said it was still not quite as clear as she would like, but it was ok, and I had no symptoms. So off I went. She would just do some cultures as kind of a follow up to be sure.
So today I get this message from my Doctors office; Could I please come in ASAP and redo my urine sample, because they found blood in it (obviously not the kind I can see, but the very small microscopic kind). As soon as possible?
That doesn't sound alarming or anything.
So what does that mean? Am I going to have to have an ultrasound?
I don't like that action!
I am all just say no-ey to finding things wrong inside of me.
I am feeling just a tiny bit....freaked out.
I mean, you are talking to the girl who is going to have to take a knock-me-out pill an hour before the dentist, just so they can stick a needle in my mouth without me freaking out and whacking somebody with a drill!
Ugh.
Maybe it will be just fine.
That is what I keep telling myself, although paranoid surgical procedures keep popping into my head unbidden.
Bleh.
In other news...little sister turned 18 yesterday and I am turning 31 a week from Monday. I am officially crossing into "old". hahaha. :p Okay, maybe not old...just not young. =) I would like 31 to come with great health.
*crosses fingers*
Okay, so I had an infection and they put me on antibiotics. At the end of the antibiotics I still wasn't feeling completely recovered, so they looked at my urine (pleasant topic of conversation, I know) again and thought...hmm...maybe there is a tiny bit of something left over, even though we think you should be better by now, so just to be safe here is ten days worth of the totally-serious-kick-your-ass antibiotics. Within one day of those kicking in I was completely feeling fabulous, but I had to take them for ten days anyway. She told me, if this doesn't clear it up, we may need to do an ultrasound to see what's going on in there.
But alas, day ten came and went, and I felt great. I went and did the follow up urine sample (just to be sure all the baddies were gone.) She said it was still not quite as clear as she would like, but it was ok, and I had no symptoms. So off I went. She would just do some cultures as kind of a follow up to be sure.
So today I get this message from my Doctors office; Could I please come in ASAP and redo my urine sample, because they found blood in it (obviously not the kind I can see, but the very small microscopic kind). As soon as possible?
That doesn't sound alarming or anything.
So what does that mean? Am I going to have to have an ultrasound?
I don't like that action!
I am all just say no-ey to finding things wrong inside of me.
I am feeling just a tiny bit....freaked out.
I mean, you are talking to the girl who is going to have to take a knock-me-out pill an hour before the dentist, just so they can stick a needle in my mouth without me freaking out and whacking somebody with a drill!
Ugh.
Maybe it will be just fine.
That is what I keep telling myself, although paranoid surgical procedures keep popping into my head unbidden.
Bleh.
In other news...little sister turned 18 yesterday and I am turning 31 a week from Monday. I am officially crossing into "old". hahaha. :p Okay, maybe not old...just not young. =) I would like 31 to come with great health.
*crosses fingers*
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Thursday Thirteen
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Thirteen Things I'd Like to Do in the Next Five Years... 1. Go Back to Amsterdam. I know you knew this was coming. Please. Could I be more predictable? 2. Buy a red jeep. I just really want one ok?! I have always wanted one, and I just can't stand it anymore!!!! 3. Start to like my blog. Yes, currently I am driving myself crazy with my incessant self pity. 4. Meet my husband. Come on! I can be a silly girl for a minute if I want to be!! Besides, I want my grandparents to know him, and they are not getting any younger. 5. Go on a really long road trip with my little sister. She is the coolest girl in the world!! Who knows when we'd be able to afford it, but it would be such a freaking blast. 6. See Abercrombie and Fitch go bankrupt. Hahahahaha. A girl can dream. 7. Be more financially secure. Who doesn't want that really? Simple, yet important. 8. Make-out with David Boreanaz. :p hehe. Just threw that in to see if you were paying attention. He is cute though. *wink wink* 9. See my mom be more happy, less stressed and bitter. Things at home are not that great. 10. See my cousin Cassie turn into a respectable young woman, rather than a hoochie mama boy toy. Rawr. 11. Hear some good news from Jason in Florida. If you know me, you know what that news is. 12. Push Becky down the road in a shopping cart. Just to prove I can still be juvenile. :p This event is made more difficult by the fact that Becky lives in Corpus, and I live here in the Seattle area, but oh well! And finally... 13. Sing something somewhere that people can actually hear it. Karaoke, YouTube, just somewhere so I can go; "Oh yeah, I can still do that..I still like to do that." So there you have it. My very first Thursday Thirteen. I decided to give in and join the throng. Maybe I will even remember to do it next week. We'll see! Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!) |
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