However lame lamedy lame it might be....I LOVE this show. =)
It makes me all happy inside.
So here you go...
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Rawr. Thirteen Things that SUCK!!!
As I was getting ready to get my rant on, I remembered that it was Thursday and that I haven't done one of these things in a long time. So I thought; What the hell?
Here they are, 13 Things that suck.
1. Blind Faith. This stupid feeling in my gut or voice in my head, or whatever it is, that makes me "go this way," or "do the right thing" or whatever. While everyone else is off chasing after their pleasures and I am sitting here crying because this hurts and it sucks, and on top of it everyone thinks I am a freak. Nice.
2. Not being home with your family for Christmas because of stupid blind faith.
3. Being single. Highly overrated.
4. Getting out of the blue messages, on your dead sisters birthday, from her old friends whom you really do not want to comfort or talk to.
5. Taking new jobs that you don't love (even thought you are greatful for) because you have to pay the bills somehow!!
6. Stupid people who will not talk to you or return your messages for no apparently good reason except that they are LAME!!! ppplllllbbbbb!!!!
7. Old Flames.
8. Hormones that amplify the affect of everything you are already feeling and/or trying to bury, while at the same time negating everything you feel and/or are trying to bury by making other people think you are "simply hormonal."
9. All of the above things happening simultaneously.
10. Having absoultely no control over all of the above things, or seemingly of ones faith-lead life at all.
(Thanks Jill for catching my lameness! haha! Apparently I was ranting a little too much if you catch my drift!!!)
Originally I only posted ten things, rather than 13...
So...
11. Only posting ten things when you meant to post 13!!!!
12. The writers in Hollywood not getting paid what they deserve, so that the shows I love can continue to go on and give me some small comfort!!
13. Feeling stupid the day after my rants, even though I sometimes need to just get it all out!!
Being a Christian is not always full of daises and roses...but, ya know, such is life.
Anyway, there ya have it!!
Here they are, 13 Things that suck.
1. Blind Faith. This stupid feeling in my gut or voice in my head, or whatever it is, that makes me "go this way," or "do the right thing" or whatever. While everyone else is off chasing after their pleasures and I am sitting here crying because this hurts and it sucks, and on top of it everyone thinks I am a freak. Nice.
2. Not being home with your family for Christmas because of stupid blind faith.
3. Being single. Highly overrated.
4. Getting out of the blue messages, on your dead sisters birthday, from her old friends whom you really do not want to comfort or talk to.
5. Taking new jobs that you don't love (even thought you are greatful for) because you have to pay the bills somehow!!
6. Stupid people who will not talk to you or return your messages for no apparently good reason except that they are LAME!!! ppplllllbbbbb!!!!
7. Old Flames.
8. Hormones that amplify the affect of everything you are already feeling and/or trying to bury, while at the same time negating everything you feel and/or are trying to bury by making other people think you are "simply hormonal."
9. All of the above things happening simultaneously.
10. Having absoultely no control over all of the above things, or seemingly of ones faith-lead life at all.
(Thanks Jill for catching my lameness! haha! Apparently I was ranting a little too much if you catch my drift!!!)
Originally I only posted ten things, rather than 13...
So...
11. Only posting ten things when you meant to post 13!!!!
12. The writers in Hollywood not getting paid what they deserve, so that the shows I love can continue to go on and give me some small comfort!!
13. Feeling stupid the day after my rants, even though I sometimes need to just get it all out!!
Being a Christian is not always full of daises and roses...but, ya know, such is life.
Anyway, there ya have it!!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Things Come to Pass...
Yesterday someone I knew passed away.
One of my best friends, my big sister really...I mean, if it could be said that I have one...her father passed away. Many years ago he was the associate pastor at our church so I knew him well. Always friendly and full of life, he was a very well liked man.
I haven't seen he or his wife in some time, but I would get occassional reports from my friend. She lives very far from me, back home in Washington, and I am sorry that I am not there to give her a big hug.
Many of my good friends from the old days are scattered all over the place. I made a couple of phone calls to let people know the bad news.
One of the people I called is also an old roommate of mine. We met at work when I was 18. She knows the people who I live with now here in Texas. We go way back. Anyway, she asked me a couple of questions about them and different things. I don't know why, but it made me stop and think about being here. It made me think about what brought me here in the first place.
I haven't cried yet. I mean, I have been on the verge of tears for awhile, but they don't fall. I think the most sad thing for me, is just not being there with my friends. This is, unfortunately, how life goes sometimes.
I wouldn't say that I was incredibly close with this man, but since his family include some of my favorite people ever....well, you know. I generally spend Christmas Eve with the family. It's a three year running tradition, so this will be the first time I have missed it in awhile. It's ok. I mean, I am not sorry about being here, but there are definitely good and bad points.
I pray that one day I will be able to spend holidays with my family and friends in Washington, even if that means flying or driving long distances. I suppose I have been very lucky to have had so many good holidays with everyone so far.
I am listening to some gregorian chant Christmas carol and it is making me all mushy. heh. I love choirs. Love love love.
Work has been surprisingly good the past three days, which is a HUGE blessing, considering the difficulties I have had here, and the constant pain I carry around inside of me. The stress of work and finances does not help.
I have been blissfully numb in some ways. I mean, the things that are constantly on my mind have appeared somewhat less frequently. It was a break I needed. I know it can't last forever, but I am greatful for the respite.
Tonight I am going to do some praying though, which might cause everything to rise right up. It is just a consequence that I must pay.
God is good though and I am well in body and spirit, if just a little weary in the heart area.
It is well with my soul
One of my best friends, my big sister really...I mean, if it could be said that I have one...her father passed away. Many years ago he was the associate pastor at our church so I knew him well. Always friendly and full of life, he was a very well liked man.
I haven't seen he or his wife in some time, but I would get occassional reports from my friend. She lives very far from me, back home in Washington, and I am sorry that I am not there to give her a big hug.
Many of my good friends from the old days are scattered all over the place. I made a couple of phone calls to let people know the bad news.
One of the people I called is also an old roommate of mine. We met at work when I was 18. She knows the people who I live with now here in Texas. We go way back. Anyway, she asked me a couple of questions about them and different things. I don't know why, but it made me stop and think about being here. It made me think about what brought me here in the first place.
I haven't cried yet. I mean, I have been on the verge of tears for awhile, but they don't fall. I think the most sad thing for me, is just not being there with my friends. This is, unfortunately, how life goes sometimes.
I wouldn't say that I was incredibly close with this man, but since his family include some of my favorite people ever....well, you know. I generally spend Christmas Eve with the family. It's a three year running tradition, so this will be the first time I have missed it in awhile. It's ok. I mean, I am not sorry about being here, but there are definitely good and bad points.
I pray that one day I will be able to spend holidays with my family and friends in Washington, even if that means flying or driving long distances. I suppose I have been very lucky to have had so many good holidays with everyone so far.
I am listening to some gregorian chant Christmas carol and it is making me all mushy. heh. I love choirs. Love love love.
Work has been surprisingly good the past three days, which is a HUGE blessing, considering the difficulties I have had here, and the constant pain I carry around inside of me. The stress of work and finances does not help.
I have been blissfully numb in some ways. I mean, the things that are constantly on my mind have appeared somewhat less frequently. It was a break I needed. I know it can't last forever, but I am greatful for the respite.
Tonight I am going to do some praying though, which might cause everything to rise right up. It is just a consequence that I must pay.
God is good though and I am well in body and spirit, if just a little weary in the heart area.
It is well with my soul
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Way Things Are...
Whenever something political is in the news, so and so (somebody, maybe you, or your neighbor)is commenting on the bias of the media and how they always lean this way or that way. I have heard various critisisms of the New York Times for example, saying that they cater to a certain status of people and maybe they have been bought out.
Well, duh.
Everybody is in it for the money.
If I had enough money to get my opinion spread all around the globe, pertaining to world poverty, AIDS, and various other important social topics, don't you think I would do so?
So, where I was going with this is that I actually think the Writer's Strike is a sad commentary on this whole thing. A support of this fact if you will. It has only been minutely covered by the news, and I don't know about you, but I am pretty damn sure that has a lot to do with the networks that are behind the programs.
Even though I believe this to be the case, I still hold out hope that the spirit of journalism will prevail. As far as the internet is concerned, the WGA seems to be well represented, but in the news...pleh.
I guess the Networks don't want the public at large to know they are screwing the people that work for them.
Money hungry bastards.
In any case, as seems ironicly appropriate, I would not doubt that the thing they are unwilling to compromise on, the thing they swear will not last or give money to anyone (despite the fact that they are already rolling in it), will ultimately be
the thing that brings about their demise.
All hail the World Wide Web. =)
Go Writers!
Well, duh.
Everybody is in it for the money.
If I had enough money to get my opinion spread all around the globe, pertaining to world poverty, AIDS, and various other important social topics, don't you think I would do so?
So, where I was going with this is that I actually think the Writer's Strike is a sad commentary on this whole thing. A support of this fact if you will. It has only been minutely covered by the news, and I don't know about you, but I am pretty damn sure that has a lot to do with the networks that are behind the programs.
Even though I believe this to be the case, I still hold out hope that the spirit of journalism will prevail. As far as the internet is concerned, the WGA seems to be well represented, but in the news...pleh.
I guess the Networks don't want the public at large to know they are screwing the people that work for them.
Money hungry bastards.
In any case, as seems ironicly appropriate, I would not doubt that the thing they are unwilling to compromise on, the thing they swear will not last or give money to anyone (despite the fact that they are already rolling in it), will ultimately be
the thing that brings about their demise.
All hail the World Wide Web. =)
Go Writers!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Back to Basics
Today was a good day. Green Bay pretty much wiped the turf with the Vikings. A Packer's fan just can't be sad about that. :p
I live in a household of Dallas fans though...so in a couple of weeks when we go head to head, it is going to be very interesting.
In less exciting news, there haven't really been any positive changes here lately. On the other hand, my attitude about things has begun to sway, which is a good sign. I have realized that I really need to focus on the little things. What I mean by little things are; having a positive attitude at work no matter what, praying for my friends and coworkers, finding ways to bless my very gracious friends that are letting me stay with them. Maybe these things seem like no brainers, but sometimes we get very distracted by the big picture.
I had very specific ideas about the way things were going to go here in San Antonio, and it just hasn't even come CLOSE to what I pictured.
Not to sound all negative, I love my friends and spending time with them, plus reconnecting with others has been a huge blessing. I think this is a point I am reiterating here.
I notice I have been repeating myself a little in the last few posts.
In any case, last week somebody said something to me about "building the foundation," which I HATE hearing. Anything about "foundations" makes me think that I should hide in my room and read the bible for hours and hours each day and I am REALLY bad at that.
It was food for though though, and I am realizing some other areas of my life where some good things do need to be restored and built up. So...gonna work on that.
I had a few days off this week and I go back early in the morning so this will be the first test of whether or not I can have a better attitude. Go me!
Don't get me wrong, I get along with everyone just fine, but my patience is on edge at least half of the time, and I find myself wanting to lose patience even with my customers, which is generally not like me. I feel sick of people and their whiney complaining.
Truth is however, those are a small portion of the people we deal with on a regular basis. I have always been pretty good about brushing them off....just not since I have been in San Antonio.
We'll see how it goes.
In general I can't shake this odd feeling anytime I am outside of this household, that I just don't quite click here. Like...maybe I don't belong, and I definitely do not like people as much as in Washington which genuinely surprises me. Most likely I just haven't given it enough of a chance. I am certainly going to hang in here.
Well, that is the update for this fabulous Sunday evening.
More to come...eventually! ;P
I live in a household of Dallas fans though...so in a couple of weeks when we go head to head, it is going to be very interesting.
In less exciting news, there haven't really been any positive changes here lately. On the other hand, my attitude about things has begun to sway, which is a good sign. I have realized that I really need to focus on the little things. What I mean by little things are; having a positive attitude at work no matter what, praying for my friends and coworkers, finding ways to bless my very gracious friends that are letting me stay with them. Maybe these things seem like no brainers, but sometimes we get very distracted by the big picture.
I had very specific ideas about the way things were going to go here in San Antonio, and it just hasn't even come CLOSE to what I pictured.
Not to sound all negative, I love my friends and spending time with them, plus reconnecting with others has been a huge blessing. I think this is a point I am reiterating here.
I notice I have been repeating myself a little in the last few posts.
In any case, last week somebody said something to me about "building the foundation," which I HATE hearing. Anything about "foundations" makes me think that I should hide in my room and read the bible for hours and hours each day and I am REALLY bad at that.
It was food for though though, and I am realizing some other areas of my life where some good things do need to be restored and built up. So...gonna work on that.
I had a few days off this week and I go back early in the morning so this will be the first test of whether or not I can have a better attitude. Go me!
Don't get me wrong, I get along with everyone just fine, but my patience is on edge at least half of the time, and I find myself wanting to lose patience even with my customers, which is generally not like me. I feel sick of people and their whiney complaining.
Truth is however, those are a small portion of the people we deal with on a regular basis. I have always been pretty good about brushing them off....just not since I have been in San Antonio.
We'll see how it goes.
In general I can't shake this odd feeling anytime I am outside of this household, that I just don't quite click here. Like...maybe I don't belong, and I definitely do not like people as much as in Washington which genuinely surprises me. Most likely I just haven't given it enough of a chance. I am certainly going to hang in here.
Well, that is the update for this fabulous Sunday evening.
More to come...eventually! ;P
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
More on the writer's strike...
I found this insightful video on youtube, reguarding the writer's strike. Of course, it's full of things I personally already knew, but hopefully someone who reads this blog will find it helpful. In case there was any doubt as to my being 100% behind the WGA, let me just say that I wish I was in L.A. so I could drop off some donuts and tasty beverages. =)
Something else, just for sheer amusement value...
Something else, just for sheer amusement value...
Monday, November 05, 2007
Writers Strike, etc.
Yesterday I was reading a lot of very insightful information on this website: www.unitedhollywood.com
As you know if you read this blog much at all, I was interested in screenwriting for awhile. Actually, writing specifically for tv, mostly. I think it would rock. I have a few favorite writers, among those the oft mentioned Joss Whedon, and also Jane Espenson, who is linked on the side of this page.
Anyway, I definitely hope the writers get what they deserve.
I think it is pretty sad that they have to fight so hard for what they already deserve. Without them, we would never have the shows we love in the first place.
I wish I lived in New York or L.A. as I would so join them on the picket lines to show my support.
Today I have been doing the job search once again. Oh, and did I mention when I blogged last that I had checked out that church?? I really liked it.
Anyway, things are made difficult by this wretched sense of waiting. Like when you are teaching your dog manners before giving them a treat. "Waaaiiiit...wait for it.....okay now!" Except, I am still waiting for the "okay now" part.
I had a wonderful email from my friend Beth this morning. She is in Philadelphia working with Teach for America. We have been having some great dialogue...interesting comparison of cities.
I think we have taken for granted that the rest of the country is like the west. In fact, it is QUITE different.
I come from Washington...the land of "green." I do mean that in more than one way, but let's focus on the environment if you will. Not even the hard core environmental issues, but just the seemingly simple things like...recycling paper and not using styrafoam? Yeah, Texas....waaaay behind in that class. :p Not to mention the litterers!!! Good Lord!
Of course, Seattle is listed as one of the most educated cities in the nation, and my friend who works in Corpus reminded me that a lot of people here are poorly educated. Those who lack education tend to care less about environmental issues and the like, because they don't really know why they should care, and also because they often lack the financial means to get things started, or to buy more expensive "green" products.
Tis true, 'tis true.
Also, Beth told me that people in Philadelphia know of Seattle. It is recognized as the home of Starbucks, and generally thought to be somewhere in the Midwest!
:p
Interesting information.
I myself am a college dropout who barely got through high school and that astounds me. I don't consider myself to be a well educated person and even so....Wow.
Goodness. This is two posts right in a row! What in the world is going on! Jill, Lara, try not to have a heart attack! :p
As you know if you read this blog much at all, I was interested in screenwriting for awhile. Actually, writing specifically for tv, mostly. I think it would rock. I have a few favorite writers, among those the oft mentioned Joss Whedon, and also Jane Espenson, who is linked on the side of this page.
Anyway, I definitely hope the writers get what they deserve.
I think it is pretty sad that they have to fight so hard for what they already deserve. Without them, we would never have the shows we love in the first place.
I wish I lived in New York or L.A. as I would so join them on the picket lines to show my support.
Today I have been doing the job search once again. Oh, and did I mention when I blogged last that I had checked out that church?? I really liked it.
Anyway, things are made difficult by this wretched sense of waiting. Like when you are teaching your dog manners before giving them a treat. "Waaaiiiit...wait for it.....okay now!" Except, I am still waiting for the "okay now" part.
I had a wonderful email from my friend Beth this morning. She is in Philadelphia working with Teach for America. We have been having some great dialogue...interesting comparison of cities.
I think we have taken for granted that the rest of the country is like the west. In fact, it is QUITE different.
I come from Washington...the land of "green." I do mean that in more than one way, but let's focus on the environment if you will. Not even the hard core environmental issues, but just the seemingly simple things like...recycling paper and not using styrafoam? Yeah, Texas....waaaay behind in that class. :p Not to mention the litterers!!! Good Lord!
Of course, Seattle is listed as one of the most educated cities in the nation, and my friend who works in Corpus reminded me that a lot of people here are poorly educated. Those who lack education tend to care less about environmental issues and the like, because they don't really know why they should care, and also because they often lack the financial means to get things started, or to buy more expensive "green" products.
Tis true, 'tis true.
Also, Beth told me that people in Philadelphia know of Seattle. It is recognized as the home of Starbucks, and generally thought to be somewhere in the Midwest!
:p
Interesting information.
I myself am a college dropout who barely got through high school and that astounds me. I don't consider myself to be a well educated person and even so....Wow.
Goodness. This is two posts right in a row! What in the world is going on! Jill, Lara, try not to have a heart attack! :p
Saturday, November 03, 2007
My Other Life
I am a wretched blogger. Sometimes I have massive blogging phases, but let's face it, overall I suck.
I feel like all I do is complain, so since things have been rather stressful I have wanted to blog even less, afraid that it will end up sounding like a big bitch fest. What I ought to do is to make myself think of something everyday to be greatful for, and then I can blog that. I probably won't do it often, but it's a nice thought. :p
So today I checked out a new church and it was pretty cool. I am still a bit wary of church in general, but so far these guys sound really cool, and the worship was great which is a serious bonus. All of the other stuff I can do on my own at home...it's the big communal worship service I miss most.
I had a chance recently to see an old friend who I had not spoken to in five or six years. We lost touch. She now has a large family. They have also been through their own things with the church, but have managed to come through better for it. It was good to see her and her husband and family, and know that they are doing well.
Hooking up with old friends has definitely been a benefit of being here.
Lately when I am going to bed, turning off my light and praying as I lay down, the world seems to change on me. I feel as if my life is not my own. Maybe none of our lives are actually our own, but you know what I mean....you usually don't think about it that much. As soon as I can sit here and things are quiet, stuff that has been hidden throughout the day, appears suddenly before me. Now I don't mean like...all of my issues suddenly come out at night or anything like that. I am fully aware of lifes stress allll day long. :p
This is different. I start to pray and I just find these things stirring up within me. Like, I guess just having faith to pray for people and things that don't seem very hopeful on the outside. On the inside, what I feel is a completely different matter. It's as if I am part of some great idea. It feels like it is important RIGHT NOW.
Not to say that I ever thought prayer did not matter....but this is a little different than most of my prayer time. It feels like...something is going on right now, and I can be a part of it, if I will. *shrug*
In any case, I find myself praying very random things.
As usual, I cannot help but wonder at the future. As I sit here, making plans, starting to attend a new church, and meeting a potential new roommate, I find myself in a strange place. Feeling as if there is a big PAUSE button on my life right now and I am just WAITING for something. What it is, I do not know, it's just this strange feeling I have. Not always comfortable, but usually able to be ignored. I find it odd though, as my every intention was to come and get all settled in. I have peace with this city, although there are definitely a few things that make me crazy...(more on that later)!
Then again, I still love western Washington and thought I would stay there forever. hehehe.
What can I say?!
I don't live the same life as other people.
Of course, sometimes I desperately want to. :p
In the end, I suppose I would have gotten desperately bored in someone else's life. The Lord keeps moving me, keeps challenging me...
Even when I somtimes feel like I am the same stinky 19 year old I started out being, I know that I am not. Even when I feel like I complain too much and am ungreatful, I also know that hard times have taught me what it is to be greatful. I can look inside myself now and know what I am sincere or insincere.
Yup.
Life is about learning I guess. Constantly learning.
Well, that's all the rambling Amanda has in her tonight.
Goodnight my friends in the blogosphere.
I feel like all I do is complain, so since things have been rather stressful I have wanted to blog even less, afraid that it will end up sounding like a big bitch fest. What I ought to do is to make myself think of something everyday to be greatful for, and then I can blog that. I probably won't do it often, but it's a nice thought. :p
So today I checked out a new church and it was pretty cool. I am still a bit wary of church in general, but so far these guys sound really cool, and the worship was great which is a serious bonus. All of the other stuff I can do on my own at home...it's the big communal worship service I miss most.
I had a chance recently to see an old friend who I had not spoken to in five or six years. We lost touch. She now has a large family. They have also been through their own things with the church, but have managed to come through better for it. It was good to see her and her husband and family, and know that they are doing well.
Hooking up with old friends has definitely been a benefit of being here.
Lately when I am going to bed, turning off my light and praying as I lay down, the world seems to change on me. I feel as if my life is not my own. Maybe none of our lives are actually our own, but you know what I mean....you usually don't think about it that much. As soon as I can sit here and things are quiet, stuff that has been hidden throughout the day, appears suddenly before me. Now I don't mean like...all of my issues suddenly come out at night or anything like that. I am fully aware of lifes stress allll day long. :p
This is different. I start to pray and I just find these things stirring up within me. Like, I guess just having faith to pray for people and things that don't seem very hopeful on the outside. On the inside, what I feel is a completely different matter. It's as if I am part of some great idea. It feels like it is important RIGHT NOW.
Not to say that I ever thought prayer did not matter....but this is a little different than most of my prayer time. It feels like...something is going on right now, and I can be a part of it, if I will. *shrug*
In any case, I find myself praying very random things.
As usual, I cannot help but wonder at the future. As I sit here, making plans, starting to attend a new church, and meeting a potential new roommate, I find myself in a strange place. Feeling as if there is a big PAUSE button on my life right now and I am just WAITING for something. What it is, I do not know, it's just this strange feeling I have. Not always comfortable, but usually able to be ignored. I find it odd though, as my every intention was to come and get all settled in. I have peace with this city, although there are definitely a few things that make me crazy...(more on that later)!
Then again, I still love western Washington and thought I would stay there forever. hehehe.
What can I say?!
I don't live the same life as other people.
Of course, sometimes I desperately want to. :p
In the end, I suppose I would have gotten desperately bored in someone else's life. The Lord keeps moving me, keeps challenging me...
Even when I somtimes feel like I am the same stinky 19 year old I started out being, I know that I am not. Even when I feel like I complain too much and am ungreatful, I also know that hard times have taught me what it is to be greatful. I can look inside myself now and know what I am sincere or insincere.
Yup.
Life is about learning I guess. Constantly learning.
Well, that's all the rambling Amanda has in her tonight.
Goodnight my friends in the blogosphere.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
My sad, addictive relationship.
So...you see these people in these horrible situations with a friend or loved one and you think; "that could never be me." Well, at least you HOPE it could never be you.
Somehow though, I have had a revelation. I have been in a terrible relationship for the past 30 years. That's right, 30 years (...or damn close!).
What happens is this; I get my hopes up. It's simple really.
It started out innocently. I was too young to know what was happening in the beginning. Once I started going to school, my friend was there, every September, with the false promise of a new day. Everything seemed fresh with potential. Usually, that was not to be. At first we would be fine. We would get along as friends do. We would hang out together on the weekends and an occassional weekday evening. It could be fun. There would be jumping and shouting and general revelry. We would also go through hard times together...a bad tumble, a twisted ankle, unkind words from those who misunderstood us.
Through it all, I was a good friend.
I was a faithful friend.
I defended their name against those who would trample on it.
I was there for them.
I have come to realize that our relationship has been more ugly than nice. Every year I have hope that things will change. There have even been moments when this seemed to be the case. Years where my friend was seemingly transformed, where they failed to dissappoint or let me down. A couple of years ago I even thought we were golden. Everything seemed to be all better. The years ahead were filled with promise...but that promise has not been fulfilled!
In general, it has been one heartache after another. My heart is constantly being ripped out and handed to me on a platter!! Just when I think I am over it and I don't care anymore, I find myself coming back!! It's like I just can't stop! I tell myself not to give in, but after all these years that is nearly impossible.
Then, tonight, it was almost more than I could bear!
We were set up for a VERY promising evening. Things were looking good. Even the naysayers were confident we could work things out.
Then, it happened...
Stutz, the new guy, fumbled the snap.
There was no coming back after the touchdown that resulted from that little piece of football idiocy.
How does a team that can be as great as ours can, lose to a team that has NOT WON A GAME ALL SEASON?!?!?!?!
Okay, in all honesty, the game is not over yet.
In fact, we still have the entire 4th quarter to pull this game out of our ass.
Even so, it's 28 to 10.
It's been a painful display so far, and I was already reeling with the shame of last weeks loss.
Once again, things are taking a turn for the worst.
That' right folks, I am a Seahawks fan.
Born and bred in Washington state, how could I be otherwise?
It's no wonder my life can be so dreary.
Perhaps I have absorbed the curse of my team??
I mean, hell, the one year we go to the Superbowl, noone even takes us seriously, and then the Ref's completely screw us anyway.
Rawr.
If it weren't for Brett Favre and his rookie Packers to brighten my day, I would be in the middle of my third pint of Cider and getting ready to shave my head.
*sigh*
Ahhh....football season. How I both love (and later loathe) your appearance every fall.
Somehow though, I have had a revelation. I have been in a terrible relationship for the past 30 years. That's right, 30 years (...or damn close!).
What happens is this; I get my hopes up. It's simple really.
It started out innocently. I was too young to know what was happening in the beginning. Once I started going to school, my friend was there, every September, with the false promise of a new day. Everything seemed fresh with potential. Usually, that was not to be. At first we would be fine. We would get along as friends do. We would hang out together on the weekends and an occassional weekday evening. It could be fun. There would be jumping and shouting and general revelry. We would also go through hard times together...a bad tumble, a twisted ankle, unkind words from those who misunderstood us.
Through it all, I was a good friend.
I was a faithful friend.
I defended their name against those who would trample on it.
I was there for them.
I have come to realize that our relationship has been more ugly than nice. Every year I have hope that things will change. There have even been moments when this seemed to be the case. Years where my friend was seemingly transformed, where they failed to dissappoint or let me down. A couple of years ago I even thought we were golden. Everything seemed to be all better. The years ahead were filled with promise...but that promise has not been fulfilled!
In general, it has been one heartache after another. My heart is constantly being ripped out and handed to me on a platter!! Just when I think I am over it and I don't care anymore, I find myself coming back!! It's like I just can't stop! I tell myself not to give in, but after all these years that is nearly impossible.
Then, tonight, it was almost more than I could bear!
We were set up for a VERY promising evening. Things were looking good. Even the naysayers were confident we could work things out.
Then, it happened...
Stutz, the new guy, fumbled the snap.
There was no coming back after the touchdown that resulted from that little piece of football idiocy.
How does a team that can be as great as ours can, lose to a team that has NOT WON A GAME ALL SEASON?!?!?!?!
Okay, in all honesty, the game is not over yet.
In fact, we still have the entire 4th quarter to pull this game out of our ass.
Even so, it's 28 to 10.
It's been a painful display so far, and I was already reeling with the shame of last weeks loss.
Once again, things are taking a turn for the worst.
That' right folks, I am a Seahawks fan.
Born and bred in Washington state, how could I be otherwise?
It's no wonder my life can be so dreary.
Perhaps I have absorbed the curse of my team??
I mean, hell, the one year we go to the Superbowl, noone even takes us seriously, and then the Ref's completely screw us anyway.
Rawr.
If it weren't for Brett Favre and his rookie Packers to brighten my day, I would be in the middle of my third pint of Cider and getting ready to shave my head.
*sigh*
Ahhh....football season. How I both love (and later loathe) your appearance every fall.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Oh Humanity. Sometimes I loathe You.
I'm bored.
Okay, so I worked early this morning and drank waaaay too many shots of espresso. It made things a little bit more entertaining though. Unfortunately since I worked early, I also got off early. Which means of course, that I had a whole lot of today left to find something to do. There just wasn't really anything to do.
I am attempting to hide in my house so that I don't have to spend money on anything, including gas, since I can barely even pay my rent.
So, sometime early this afternoon I attempted to take a nice long nap. I even dozed off for around 20 minutes, but then something happened to wake me up and I just laid there thinking about things I didn't need to think about.
I should have gotten up right then and sent somebody an email, or made a phone call to someone far away, but did I?? Nope.
I just laid there and kept thinking.
My brain wandered into territories best left unexplored.
It contemplated things that are far from happening.
I got a little frustrated at my lack of patience in certain areas of life.
I also thought about an old friend, who now has six children. Count them S-I-X.
She and I have not spoken for a long time and she has been chasing a herd of rugrats for those years, while I have become more of a hermit and enjoyed my individuality way too much. I was recently presented with her long missing email and I wrote to her, but I wonder if I will even be able to relate anymore. Most of my friends are married and lots have kids...just not that many. lol. I do fine playing with families, it's just a bit out of my sphere. I sometimes feel like a big dumb alien. Like, I don't quite get it. I was held back a grade or five.
:p
Luckily, I do like children, even if I am undecided on having any.
I let my brain wander into the realm of old relationships, which again was best left in that dark, musty corner it inhabits in my memories.
It gets me into trouble when I dig it out. All those dust particles and things make a heck of a mess all over Amanda's tender pshyche...Or however you spell that word.
I've come to realize that I am quite possibly insane.
I am of of those crazy people that show up on television dramas. The ones who have left reality far behind and live in some universe of their own making.
I ponder things in my life that other people have entirely moved on from.
I hope for things that seem completely illogical, and yet I cannot help myself.
Quite possibly it is more appropriate to say that I am just a damn fool.
When all is well I create ways to get my heart broken.
For some reason I just can't get my heart broken in normal up-to-date ways like everyone else. Oh no, I have to get creative. :p
Ahh, who knows.
There is a God, and He randomly created this foolish girl named Amanda. So, maybe in some unexpected divine intervention, I will get what I hope for.
Otherwise I have at least been blessed with tremendous adventures and friends along my way.
I should write a book about that. heh.
Okay, so I worked early this morning and drank waaaay too many shots of espresso. It made things a little bit more entertaining though. Unfortunately since I worked early, I also got off early. Which means of course, that I had a whole lot of today left to find something to do. There just wasn't really anything to do.
I am attempting to hide in my house so that I don't have to spend money on anything, including gas, since I can barely even pay my rent.
So, sometime early this afternoon I attempted to take a nice long nap. I even dozed off for around 20 minutes, but then something happened to wake me up and I just laid there thinking about things I didn't need to think about.
I should have gotten up right then and sent somebody an email, or made a phone call to someone far away, but did I?? Nope.
I just laid there and kept thinking.
My brain wandered into territories best left unexplored.
It contemplated things that are far from happening.
I got a little frustrated at my lack of patience in certain areas of life.
I also thought about an old friend, who now has six children. Count them S-I-X.
She and I have not spoken for a long time and she has been chasing a herd of rugrats for those years, while I have become more of a hermit and enjoyed my individuality way too much. I was recently presented with her long missing email and I wrote to her, but I wonder if I will even be able to relate anymore. Most of my friends are married and lots have kids...just not that many. lol. I do fine playing with families, it's just a bit out of my sphere. I sometimes feel like a big dumb alien. Like, I don't quite get it. I was held back a grade or five.
:p
Luckily, I do like children, even if I am undecided on having any.
I let my brain wander into the realm of old relationships, which again was best left in that dark, musty corner it inhabits in my memories.
It gets me into trouble when I dig it out. All those dust particles and things make a heck of a mess all over Amanda's tender pshyche...Or however you spell that word.
I've come to realize that I am quite possibly insane.
I am of of those crazy people that show up on television dramas. The ones who have left reality far behind and live in some universe of their own making.
I ponder things in my life that other people have entirely moved on from.
I hope for things that seem completely illogical, and yet I cannot help myself.
Quite possibly it is more appropriate to say that I am just a damn fool.
When all is well I create ways to get my heart broken.
For some reason I just can't get my heart broken in normal up-to-date ways like everyone else. Oh no, I have to get creative. :p
Ahh, who knows.
There is a God, and He randomly created this foolish girl named Amanda. So, maybe in some unexpected divine intervention, I will get what I hope for.
Otherwise I have at least been blessed with tremendous adventures and friends along my way.
I should write a book about that. heh.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Sometimes by Faith..
Apparently it is back to school season, because generally after I post (especially when I haven't posted in awhile) Lara and Jill are right there with a comment, as if they had been staring at the computer, willing it to show an updated post! Hopefully I will be able to be a little better now.
Anyway, hey girls.
So here I am, in San Antonio. Things are going pretty good as I mentioned before. It helps to have friends here.
I came here by faith. I felt like there was a reason, although I did not know what it was. I still feel that way, but I know the purpose may not be revealed for some time. That is sometimes the way things are. Even so, I have the most incredible faith I've had in such a very long time. I don't let myself dwell on the negative, and I try to keep myself going, try to keep my drive up. It has had its moments, but in general has been great. The weather is different, the scenery is different, the grocery stores are different....Let's face it, it's sometimes like another country! Still, I feel good. I know I am supposed to be here. I am doing just fine.
The other day I was hanging out with my friends, and I can't remember what we were talking about, or what specifically brought it up, but I found myself going; "Whoa! have I been living in a cave?!" I just felt like...I had lived in such a sheltered cocoon for so long, that the world outside of it was still feeling very foreign.
I am not saying it's all bad. I worked for a couple of Christian non-profits and both were a great experience, and even all the years I worked with a college age ministry were valuable, even though some of that time just made me feel mad and other times numb. They were all good lessons that formed me.
I do feel, however, as if I had lost some sense of reality while I was in there. When I was younger I think I balanced a little better, even though I had NO idea I was doing so, and was ultimately floundering in the dark.
It's amazing when we look back, at the things we did better, even in immaturity. haha! Oh, we think we are so much older and wiser now!! :p
Anyway, here I am. I am praying. I am believing in good things...and I am trying to keep balance. I am trying to be comfortable among people again, who live outside of my safe little bubble. Just appreciate them and learn to love them.
I am praying for my friend and that good things will be restored to him.
Beyond that....well, there is not much beyond that right now!
If anything interesting comes up, I will be sure to let you know. ;)
Anyway, hey girls.
So here I am, in San Antonio. Things are going pretty good as I mentioned before. It helps to have friends here.
I came here by faith. I felt like there was a reason, although I did not know what it was. I still feel that way, but I know the purpose may not be revealed for some time. That is sometimes the way things are. Even so, I have the most incredible faith I've had in such a very long time. I don't let myself dwell on the negative, and I try to keep myself going, try to keep my drive up. It has had its moments, but in general has been great. The weather is different, the scenery is different, the grocery stores are different....Let's face it, it's sometimes like another country! Still, I feel good. I know I am supposed to be here. I am doing just fine.
The other day I was hanging out with my friends, and I can't remember what we were talking about, or what specifically brought it up, but I found myself going; "Whoa! have I been living in a cave?!" I just felt like...I had lived in such a sheltered cocoon for so long, that the world outside of it was still feeling very foreign.
I am not saying it's all bad. I worked for a couple of Christian non-profits and both were a great experience, and even all the years I worked with a college age ministry were valuable, even though some of that time just made me feel mad and other times numb. They were all good lessons that formed me.
I do feel, however, as if I had lost some sense of reality while I was in there. When I was younger I think I balanced a little better, even though I had NO idea I was doing so, and was ultimately floundering in the dark.
It's amazing when we look back, at the things we did better, even in immaturity. haha! Oh, we think we are so much older and wiser now!! :p
Anyway, here I am. I am praying. I am believing in good things...and I am trying to keep balance. I am trying to be comfortable among people again, who live outside of my safe little bubble. Just appreciate them and learn to love them.
I am praying for my friend and that good things will be restored to him.
Beyond that....well, there is not much beyond that right now!
If anything interesting comes up, I will be sure to let you know. ;)
Monday, September 24, 2007
Here I am, Oh here I am...
Yes, I am here in San Antooooonio!
It's warm, but not too warm thank goodness. Adjusting to the humidity has so far been easier than expected. Phew!
I am sure everyone wants to know all about Texas and how things are going, but I really want to talk about football. lol
Okay, okay, it's going fine. Everything is fine. It's great to see my friends. We have been hanging out a lot and it's been really really good. Buuuttt...more on that later. hehe.
Did you SEE how my Seahawks squeaked out a win yesterday?!?! Okay, yes, it WAS "squeaked" but even so, they won. =) Happy Amanda.
Even BETTER, the PACKERS won too! Brett Favre and his little band of rookies are kicking so much more ass than anyone thought them capable of, and I am LOOOOVING it. Plus, he tied Dan Marino for the career touchdown pass record!!
Go him!!! =)
I love that guy!!
I love football season. =)
It's true, I do sometimes get a little too into it, and a little stressed out about it...but that's just because I love it so much. :p
So, in horrible and wretched news, I have to talk about my football goodness because it covers up my terrible feelings over the loss of James Rigney, aka Robert Jordan!! =(
He passed away on the 16th and I didn't even know until like five days later!!!! Where were my friends?!?! Why didn't they call me?!?! JOE! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!
I actually passed the dreaded news onto a couple of people myself.
Why, oh why, Lord God in Heaven, could he NOT have just finished that ONE. LAST. BOOK! before he left us?!?!?! Okay, okay, yes, I am sad for his wife Harriet, and his cousin, and all other family members...I am sad that his life was cut short. I really am. Even though he did not die in pain, and believed in God's timing...
Still...
Moiraine is now going to be trapped in the tower of Gengei forever. Who's going to rescue her?!?!?! It just won't be the same if whoever George R.R. Martin thinks should rescue her, rescues her...or anybody else's opinion for that matter!!! Rawr.
Now I have even more incentive to get to heaven. Until I die, I will NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh*
*pout*
Okay, yes, SOMEONE is going to finish A Memory of Light, and they might even do an okay job...but it will still be like...Mercedes Lackey finishing the Lord of the Rings. Just not quite acceptable. Just not even close to the same. =(
In response to all of this wretched horribleness, all I can say to console myself is; GO BRETT FAVRE!!! KICK SOME ASS ROOKIE PACKERS!!!!
It's warm, but not too warm thank goodness. Adjusting to the humidity has so far been easier than expected. Phew!
I am sure everyone wants to know all about Texas and how things are going, but I really want to talk about football. lol
Okay, okay, it's going fine. Everything is fine. It's great to see my friends. We have been hanging out a lot and it's been really really good. Buuuttt...more on that later. hehe.
Did you SEE how my Seahawks squeaked out a win yesterday?!?! Okay, yes, it WAS "squeaked" but even so, they won. =) Happy Amanda.
Even BETTER, the PACKERS won too! Brett Favre and his little band of rookies are kicking so much more ass than anyone thought them capable of, and I am LOOOOVING it. Plus, he tied Dan Marino for the career touchdown pass record!!
Go him!!! =)
I love that guy!!
I love football season. =)
It's true, I do sometimes get a little too into it, and a little stressed out about it...but that's just because I love it so much. :p
So, in horrible and wretched news, I have to talk about my football goodness because it covers up my terrible feelings over the loss of James Rigney, aka Robert Jordan!! =(
He passed away on the 16th and I didn't even know until like five days later!!!! Where were my friends?!?! Why didn't they call me?!?! JOE! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!
I actually passed the dreaded news onto a couple of people myself.
Why, oh why, Lord God in Heaven, could he NOT have just finished that ONE. LAST. BOOK! before he left us?!?!?! Okay, okay, yes, I am sad for his wife Harriet, and his cousin, and all other family members...I am sad that his life was cut short. I really am. Even though he did not die in pain, and believed in God's timing...
Still...
Moiraine is now going to be trapped in the tower of Gengei forever. Who's going to rescue her?!?!?! It just won't be the same if whoever George R.R. Martin thinks should rescue her, rescues her...or anybody else's opinion for that matter!!! Rawr.
Now I have even more incentive to get to heaven. Until I die, I will NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh*
*pout*
Okay, yes, SOMEONE is going to finish A Memory of Light, and they might even do an okay job...but it will still be like...Mercedes Lackey finishing the Lord of the Rings. Just not quite acceptable. Just not even close to the same. =(
In response to all of this wretched horribleness, all I can say to console myself is; GO BRETT FAVRE!!! KICK SOME ASS ROOKIE PACKERS!!!!
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Go ahead Armadillo. Try to hide.
One more day.
To accomplish things in Washington that is.
I will be in Spokane on Wednesday, true, and I might accomplish a couple of things while I am there...but tomorrow is pretty much my last solid day for anything on the west side, and for most of those last minutes little details.
Today my car went to the shop. It was leaking oil like...and I quote..."the Exxon Valdez." Also my power steering pump was shot and spewing forth its contents to the four corners of my engine. You will be happy to know that not only are these things fixed, but that I now have some nifty new spark plugs and wiper blades, and freshly flushed coolant. =)
In Spokane I am going to buy a new set of tires (cheaper there) and then I will hopefully be set to go.
Okay, so today was a FABULOUS day. I hung out with my girls from Starbucks and it was so chill!! We took my friends jeep (LAAA!!!!!) and drove around Puget Sound. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Sun was out, but it wasn't too hot. After our nice drive and some time chilling at home, we went to Jimmy Mack's and had a drink. It was lovely.
Then, I went home and met Lance & Jeni and we went out to an awesome Italian dinner, complete with wine and creme brulee. The good conversation was the best part.
Of course, Jeni wanted to know who the guy was that I was moving to Texas for. haha. I assured her that I was NOT moving to Texas for a guy, as I don't know any guys who actually *live* in Texas. I don't think she was very convinced.
I have tried to assure my friends that I have no idea why I am moving to Texas, but Lance says that he thinks I am scheming. *shrug*
Time will tell. *wink wink*
In any case, today was fabulous. Despite the car issues, I have a lot of peace. I had an excellent day with friends, just relaxing and enjoying them. Those are the best kind of days in my opinion. Now I just have to get everything finished and make sure I am set to go.
Later taters!
To accomplish things in Washington that is.
I will be in Spokane on Wednesday, true, and I might accomplish a couple of things while I am there...but tomorrow is pretty much my last solid day for anything on the west side, and for most of those last minutes little details.
Today my car went to the shop. It was leaking oil like...and I quote..."the Exxon Valdez." Also my power steering pump was shot and spewing forth its contents to the four corners of my engine. You will be happy to know that not only are these things fixed, but that I now have some nifty new spark plugs and wiper blades, and freshly flushed coolant. =)
In Spokane I am going to buy a new set of tires (cheaper there) and then I will hopefully be set to go.
Okay, so today was a FABULOUS day. I hung out with my girls from Starbucks and it was so chill!! We took my friends jeep (LAAA!!!!!) and drove around Puget Sound. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Sun was out, but it wasn't too hot. After our nice drive and some time chilling at home, we went to Jimmy Mack's and had a drink. It was lovely.
Then, I went home and met Lance & Jeni and we went out to an awesome Italian dinner, complete with wine and creme brulee. The good conversation was the best part.
Of course, Jeni wanted to know who the guy was that I was moving to Texas for. haha. I assured her that I was NOT moving to Texas for a guy, as I don't know any guys who actually *live* in Texas. I don't think she was very convinced.
I have tried to assure my friends that I have no idea why I am moving to Texas, but Lance says that he thinks I am scheming. *shrug*
Time will tell. *wink wink*
In any case, today was fabulous. Despite the car issues, I have a lot of peace. I had an excellent day with friends, just relaxing and enjoying them. Those are the best kind of days in my opinion. Now I just have to get everything finished and make sure I am set to go.
Later taters!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Yee Haw!
So, this past week I worked several twelve hour days, and after that went home to pack, sort, and clean out my apartment. My lease was up on Friday.
By the grace of God, and two awesome friends named Brittany and DaLona, I managed to get out of there in time....barely.
Of course, that wasn't without a great deal of hard work and sleep deprivation. I have been a bit zombie-ish of late. This morning I slept in for a long time, and even after I woke up I just laid around and let my mind wander.
It was nice to have some quiet time with my thoughts. =)
It's 4:30 on Sunday and I need to go dig some things out of my car and sort through them, but I really don't want to. My car is currently loaded up with nearly everything I kept from my apartment. It's like I am driving my house around. hahaha. I am staying with my friends that I used to live with until I fly to San Antonio on Saturday (the 8th). I return to Washington on the 11th. If everything goes well while I am there, then I will just turn around and drive back down. Terrifying?? Pretty much.
A couple of days ago I talked to Mary, my friend Daniel's mom, and it made me soooo glad!!! She told me that the guest room was all ready for me, but that she is not cleaning the house because I am family!! lol! She also told me that when I get there I better just make myself at home because I am family!!! =)I was feeling the love!
She told me there are a lot of great churches to choose from nearby, and that she said to her family; "Maybe it takes Amanda moving here to get us to go to church once in awhile!"
Talking to her was great and made me more excited to visit, and less scared to move.
For those of you who are asking yourselves; Why on EARTH is Amanda moving to Texas, I assure you, not even Amanda is completely sure of the answer to that question. hehe. In any case, I am hopeful for the future even if it is frightening. ;)
It's hard enough to move 2000 miles away from the state and weather one loves, so keep your snarky comments to yourself. lol!
Well, there's an update, if a not very exciting one. I'll try to write again before I fly away on Saturday. I'm not promising anything!
=)
**Currently listening to: Anberlin:Never Take Friendship Personal**
By the grace of God, and two awesome friends named Brittany and DaLona, I managed to get out of there in time....barely.
Of course, that wasn't without a great deal of hard work and sleep deprivation. I have been a bit zombie-ish of late. This morning I slept in for a long time, and even after I woke up I just laid around and let my mind wander.
It was nice to have some quiet time with my thoughts. =)
It's 4:30 on Sunday and I need to go dig some things out of my car and sort through them, but I really don't want to. My car is currently loaded up with nearly everything I kept from my apartment. It's like I am driving my house around. hahaha. I am staying with my friends that I used to live with until I fly to San Antonio on Saturday (the 8th). I return to Washington on the 11th. If everything goes well while I am there, then I will just turn around and drive back down. Terrifying?? Pretty much.
A couple of days ago I talked to Mary, my friend Daniel's mom, and it made me soooo glad!!! She told me that the guest room was all ready for me, but that she is not cleaning the house because I am family!! lol! She also told me that when I get there I better just make myself at home because I am family!!! =)I was feeling the love!
She told me there are a lot of great churches to choose from nearby, and that she said to her family; "Maybe it takes Amanda moving here to get us to go to church once in awhile!"
Talking to her was great and made me more excited to visit, and less scared to move.
For those of you who are asking yourselves; Why on EARTH is Amanda moving to Texas, I assure you, not even Amanda is completely sure of the answer to that question. hehe. In any case, I am hopeful for the future even if it is frightening. ;)
It's hard enough to move 2000 miles away from the state and weather one loves, so keep your snarky comments to yourself. lol!
Well, there's an update, if a not very exciting one. I'll try to write again before I fly away on Saturday. I'm not promising anything!
=)
**Currently listening to: Anberlin:Never Take Friendship Personal**
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
To Texas, or not To Texas
Yes, I am thinking about moving again, for all yous who are unaware. :p
You know I have considered it before, so it shouldn't be any major surprise. I don't want to hear anything about how there are no maple trees in Texas either!! lol! Please! Don't make it any harder than it already is to leave the grey, rainy emerald city!
One just needs to do what one feels led to do!! So there!
Anyway...
I am going to visit some friends in San Antonio on the 8th. I have not seen them for a very long time, and it is going to be soooo fabulous! Plus, my very wonderful Becky is going to drive over from Corpus to hang out with us, and that is going to be so great I can't even stand it!!!
On top of all of those things, if I am reeaallllyyy lucky (or something), I might even get to talk to Jason on the phone, which, yes, will be weird after nine years of silence. I won't know what to say, and I might have a heart attack or at least burst a blood vessel, but it will still be good. =) One way or another.
If you have any questions about who in the freaking heck Jason is, you have apparently not been reading this blog long enough, as he has been mentioned in the past year, on more than one occassion!! See my crazy after christmas posts, or maybe the interview I did with Lara. They are out there. I tell you so!
In any case, I would expound, but I am not really feeling like going there right now.
This is pretty much all you need to know...(A quick sum up)...
16/Jason/Smooching/18/Friends/Heartache/Prayers for Salvation/Good times/19/Same/Love Me!!/Crazy About You!!/Lots more prayers/Tears/Jen & Daniel/Everyone moving/Amanda pursuing another path
Fast Forward...
30/Dream/Prayer/Why am I thinking about you out of the blue?!/Divorce/Pain/Random reconnect with J & D/More Prayers/More Tears/More Pain/He Really cared about me back then/31/A small question creeps in!/Lots More Prayers!/Maybe one day?/Who knows?/Amanda's heart is lame and should be hiding under the bed, but instead is retardedly letting itself wander into the realm of what if?!/SIGH.
If that makes any sense, then yay for your powers of deduction.
=)
Anyway, I promise to try and be better about letting you know what in the bleep is going on. hehe.
I have been sort of a horrible slacker of late!!
But hey, on the bright side, if I move to Texas, I will miss everyone, and therefore have to spend more time online.
*wink wink*
Cheers!
(Damn you Ryan! :p )
You know I have considered it before, so it shouldn't be any major surprise. I don't want to hear anything about how there are no maple trees in Texas either!! lol! Please! Don't make it any harder than it already is to leave the grey, rainy emerald city!
One just needs to do what one feels led to do!! So there!
Anyway...
I am going to visit some friends in San Antonio on the 8th. I have not seen them for a very long time, and it is going to be soooo fabulous! Plus, my very wonderful Becky is going to drive over from Corpus to hang out with us, and that is going to be so great I can't even stand it!!!
On top of all of those things, if I am reeaallllyyy lucky (or something), I might even get to talk to Jason on the phone, which, yes, will be weird after nine years of silence. I won't know what to say, and I might have a heart attack or at least burst a blood vessel, but it will still be good. =) One way or another.
If you have any questions about who in the freaking heck Jason is, you have apparently not been reading this blog long enough, as he has been mentioned in the past year, on more than one occassion!! See my crazy after christmas posts, or maybe the interview I did with Lara. They are out there. I tell you so!
In any case, I would expound, but I am not really feeling like going there right now.
This is pretty much all you need to know...(A quick sum up)...
16/Jason/Smooching/18/Friends/Heartache/Prayers for Salvation/Good times/19/Same/Love Me!!/Crazy About You!!/Lots more prayers/Tears/Jen & Daniel/Everyone moving/Amanda pursuing another path
Fast Forward...
30/Dream/Prayer/Why am I thinking about you out of the blue?!/Divorce/Pain/Random reconnect with J & D/More Prayers/More Tears/More Pain/He Really cared about me back then/31/A small question creeps in!/Lots More Prayers!/Maybe one day?/Who knows?/Amanda's heart is lame and should be hiding under the bed, but instead is retardedly letting itself wander into the realm of what if?!/SIGH.
If that makes any sense, then yay for your powers of deduction.
=)
Anyway, I promise to try and be better about letting you know what in the bleep is going on. hehe.
I have been sort of a horrible slacker of late!!
But hey, on the bright side, if I move to Texas, I will miss everyone, and therefore have to spend more time online.
*wink wink*
Cheers!
(Damn you Ryan! :p )
Monday, August 13, 2007
Crazy...and bored.
Yes, yes, it has been like a million years since I posted, I know. Jill even left me a message this weekend to try and lure me in (it worked by the way, as you can see..).
I am just in a crazy frame of mind and haven't felt like writing about it I guess.
I am getting bored at my job. Big surprise, I know, but I just thought that would not happen. lol.
I am feeling good in general though...I really can't complain about anything.
I am going to San Antonio next month to see some friends that I have been neglecting for far too long. I think I am also going there to face my past. Grr. I obviously still have some things to work out. Ugh. Nothing like a good heartache to get you going. HA! I am so not serious about that!!
Oh my LANTA I get bored too easily. I should have never left Starbucks. I should have worked there until I died. lol!!!
They kept me running around like a maniac, which apparently is the only way I can function. :p
But you know, I just get like this sometimes. Restless. Antsy.
Things are good though, and I am not complaining. Hopefully I am over that bitching stage of life for awhile. I am just going with it. Here or there, to or fro, wherever it leads me next, I will do it with a smile on.
=)
I am just in a crazy frame of mind and haven't felt like writing about it I guess.
I am getting bored at my job. Big surprise, I know, but I just thought that would not happen. lol.
I am feeling good in general though...I really can't complain about anything.
I am going to San Antonio next month to see some friends that I have been neglecting for far too long. I think I am also going there to face my past. Grr. I obviously still have some things to work out. Ugh. Nothing like a good heartache to get you going. HA! I am so not serious about that!!
Oh my LANTA I get bored too easily. I should have never left Starbucks. I should have worked there until I died. lol!!!
They kept me running around like a maniac, which apparently is the only way I can function. :p
But you know, I just get like this sometimes. Restless. Antsy.
Things are good though, and I am not complaining. Hopefully I am over that bitching stage of life for awhile. I am just going with it. Here or there, to or fro, wherever it leads me next, I will do it with a smile on.
=)
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Friday the 13th...
It was a good day.
Karla has two, lovely, NEARLY 7LB bouncing babies. She had a c-section at 10am this morning London time. (2am here in Washington)
I am stoked!!!
Also, little sister is officially un-engaged. Big sister is happy because she made a wise decision. Also, he didn't love Jesus, and I am sorry...you can believe whatever you want and I will still like you...but my sister is a believer and I thought she should be with someone who was like minded.
Work was good today, and the insane part of my week has once again ended without me bursting a blood vessel. =) Always a bonus!!
I am tired as heck and have a lot on my brain, but once again I have survived until Friday night.
The weather here is LOVELY!! It wasn't too hot today, just nice, and it is still warm. I love warm summer evenings.
I have friends whom I adore and all around I feel that life is very good. I like to roll with that feeling while I have it, ya know?!
Anyway, despite being in a fabulous mood, I am completely wiped out, and although I get to sleep in a bit, I still have to work at 9am tomorrow so I really must go to bed.
Adios!
Karla has two, lovely, NEARLY 7LB bouncing babies. She had a c-section at 10am this morning London time. (2am here in Washington)
I am stoked!!!
Also, little sister is officially un-engaged. Big sister is happy because she made a wise decision. Also, he didn't love Jesus, and I am sorry...you can believe whatever you want and I will still like you...but my sister is a believer and I thought she should be with someone who was like minded.
Work was good today, and the insane part of my week has once again ended without me bursting a blood vessel. =) Always a bonus!!
I am tired as heck and have a lot on my brain, but once again I have survived until Friday night.
The weather here is LOVELY!! It wasn't too hot today, just nice, and it is still warm. I love warm summer evenings.
I have friends whom I adore and all around I feel that life is very good. I like to roll with that feeling while I have it, ya know?!
Anyway, despite being in a fabulous mood, I am completely wiped out, and although I get to sleep in a bit, I still have to work at 9am tomorrow so I really must go to bed.
Adios!
Monday, July 09, 2007
So I am trying to type a title for this blog, but it won't let me click into that little box. How lame is that?
Well kids, sorry for my disappearance, but I am just not feeling the bloggyness of late. Possibly due to physical pain, followed by I-am-so-damn-busy-I-can-hardly-stand-it!!!! Although, look! I have a day off now and I am actually posting!!! Wooo! Wonders will never cease!
So work is going well, but busy, and I am just somewhere in the clouds right now. My brain is MIA. I didn't even know what to do having an entire day off to myself, so I went and got a haircut and let some lady at Macy's put way too much eye make-up on me. Good times.
I was going to go to church since I haven't been in ages, but then I was exhausted so I slept in. I really needed that actually, after everything.
Currently I am trying to figure out the living situation. My lease is up next month and rent is going up...not that I really want to stay here anyway...so I am hoping to find a roommate or something much cheaper. We shall see. It's not looking terribly promising at the moment, but you just never can tell.
I hope all is well out there in cyberland. I am sure your lives are terribly more exciting than mine this summer.
Anyway, that's all for now.
Well kids, sorry for my disappearance, but I am just not feeling the bloggyness of late. Possibly due to physical pain, followed by I-am-so-damn-busy-I-can-hardly-stand-it!!!! Although, look! I have a day off now and I am actually posting!!! Wooo! Wonders will never cease!
So work is going well, but busy, and I am just somewhere in the clouds right now. My brain is MIA. I didn't even know what to do having an entire day off to myself, so I went and got a haircut and let some lady at Macy's put way too much eye make-up on me. Good times.
I was going to go to church since I haven't been in ages, but then I was exhausted so I slept in. I really needed that actually, after everything.
Currently I am trying to figure out the living situation. My lease is up next month and rent is going up...not that I really want to stay here anyway...so I am hoping to find a roommate or something much cheaper. We shall see. It's not looking terribly promising at the moment, but you just never can tell.
I hope all is well out there in cyberland. I am sure your lives are terribly more exciting than mine this summer.
Anyway, that's all for now.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
It's Hard to Chew a Burger When Your Mouth is All Swolled Up
=)
Okay, so disreguard everything I said in that last post about it "not being so bad." It was horrible.
Okay, Friday and Saturday were a breeze, and I was thinking; "Is this it?" Umm..it wasn't it.
About 4am Sunday morning I woke up in about the worst pain I have ever been in in my life, medically speaking. Not only my mouth hurt, but my entire jaw was tight and in agony. I had the most excrutiating headache in my temples that I have ever had before. It made me nauseous.
I had to get up and eat something, so that I could take a couple of pills and slip back into blissful sleep (eventually anyway).
Somehow I managed to survive that horrible day, only to face it again on Monday. Except, dear friends, on Monday, my painkillers chose 'such a time as this' to make me incredibly ill, at which time (around noon give or take) I started to throw up, and continued doing so all. day. long. This was despite the fact that I stopped taking absolutely everything the first time. I was still throwing up right before I went to bed around midnight. So much for going back to work THAT day! haha.
Tuesday, my headache was still excrutiating, and it had now been nearly 24 hours with no drugs, and I was afraid to eat anything. Boys and Girls, I HATE to throw up. More than just about anything.
So I laid in my bed as long as possible before finally venturing into the unsafe territory of applesauce. After three hours, despite the fact that I was still wracked with nausea, I hadn't lost it yet, so I decided to graduate up to a bit of oatmeal.
My head was about ready to explode, like those aliens in "Mars Attacks," when they hear Slim Pickins. I wouldn't dare to even take ibuprofen though, because I knew it would never stay where I put it!
Eventually I survived the whole day, and my friend came over last night to take me to the store, where I bought Sprite, fried chicken, and saltines. I know you are thinking why fried chicken?! It eases my stomache, however weird that sounds, and as hard as it was to get down it was worth every bite. Plus, I ate a lot of saltines last night. Eventually, just before bed, my stomache felt about as close to level as I thought it was going to get, so I took some ibuprofen and went to bed.
You will be happy to know I feel much better today.
I still have a headache, but I have been able to take a little ibuprofen to keep it at bay.
My incisions don't really hurt much, they are just annoying, and I have vowed to never take oxycodone again as long as I live.
Aside from the stomache blahs, I also kept seeing flashes from 'The Color Purple' that made no sense and shouldn't have been traumatizing, and feeling like I was trapped in a nightmare that was never going to end. Literally.
It also took two days for my pupils to dialate back to a normal size.
Today at work someone told me they can never take that stuff because it gives them crazy dreams and I was like...AH HA! I did feel a little paranoid as well, I confess. I was having my doubts that my water supply isn't in fact poisoned, and that my dishwashing detergent hasn't slowly been making me ill.
I'm better now. Well, mostly. My stomache is still a tad ruffled, and my mouth isn't working 100% correctly, but I am going to retire early and possibly watch some lame marathon of Miami Ink, or one of those tattoo shows that I love for no apparent reason. This, I am confident, will help me recover. =)
At least I am well enough to even look at my laptop. I was avoiding it for a few days. I was pretty much avoiding everything that included getting out of bed. You'd think I wouldn't want to lay down again, but it's amazing how fighting off pain can make you tired.
So there you have it, Amanda's grand wisdom teeth adventure!!
I'll try to reappear again sometime soon for more hilarity.
Okay, so disreguard everything I said in that last post about it "not being so bad." It was horrible.
Okay, Friday and Saturday were a breeze, and I was thinking; "Is this it?" Umm..it wasn't it.
About 4am Sunday morning I woke up in about the worst pain I have ever been in in my life, medically speaking. Not only my mouth hurt, but my entire jaw was tight and in agony. I had the most excrutiating headache in my temples that I have ever had before. It made me nauseous.
I had to get up and eat something, so that I could take a couple of pills and slip back into blissful sleep (eventually anyway).
Somehow I managed to survive that horrible day, only to face it again on Monday. Except, dear friends, on Monday, my painkillers chose 'such a time as this' to make me incredibly ill, at which time (around noon give or take) I started to throw up, and continued doing so all. day. long. This was despite the fact that I stopped taking absolutely everything the first time. I was still throwing up right before I went to bed around midnight. So much for going back to work THAT day! haha.
Tuesday, my headache was still excrutiating, and it had now been nearly 24 hours with no drugs, and I was afraid to eat anything. Boys and Girls, I HATE to throw up. More than just about anything.
So I laid in my bed as long as possible before finally venturing into the unsafe territory of applesauce. After three hours, despite the fact that I was still wracked with nausea, I hadn't lost it yet, so I decided to graduate up to a bit of oatmeal.
My head was about ready to explode, like those aliens in "Mars Attacks," when they hear Slim Pickins. I wouldn't dare to even take ibuprofen though, because I knew it would never stay where I put it!
Eventually I survived the whole day, and my friend came over last night to take me to the store, where I bought Sprite, fried chicken, and saltines. I know you are thinking why fried chicken?! It eases my stomache, however weird that sounds, and as hard as it was to get down it was worth every bite. Plus, I ate a lot of saltines last night. Eventually, just before bed, my stomache felt about as close to level as I thought it was going to get, so I took some ibuprofen and went to bed.
You will be happy to know I feel much better today.
I still have a headache, but I have been able to take a little ibuprofen to keep it at bay.
My incisions don't really hurt much, they are just annoying, and I have vowed to never take oxycodone again as long as I live.
Aside from the stomache blahs, I also kept seeing flashes from 'The Color Purple' that made no sense and shouldn't have been traumatizing, and feeling like I was trapped in a nightmare that was never going to end. Literally.
It also took two days for my pupils to dialate back to a normal size.
Today at work someone told me they can never take that stuff because it gives them crazy dreams and I was like...AH HA! I did feel a little paranoid as well, I confess. I was having my doubts that my water supply isn't in fact poisoned, and that my dishwashing detergent hasn't slowly been making me ill.
I'm better now. Well, mostly. My stomache is still a tad ruffled, and my mouth isn't working 100% correctly, but I am going to retire early and possibly watch some lame marathon of Miami Ink, or one of those tattoo shows that I love for no apparent reason. This, I am confident, will help me recover. =)
At least I am well enough to even look at my laptop. I was avoiding it for a few days. I was pretty much avoiding everything that included getting out of bed. You'd think I wouldn't want to lay down again, but it's amazing how fighting off pain can make you tired.
So there you have it, Amanda's grand wisdom teeth adventure!!
I'll try to reappear again sometime soon for more hilarity.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Bye bye Wizzy's!
It's official. I am finally girl-without-wisdom-teeth.
It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. I never even had a chance to see the iv in my arm, as I looked away while they were putting it in, and promptly fell asleep afterward. =)
Anyway, I am still on the medicine from the Oral Surgeon, so I am feeling pretty okay, at least despite the fact that my mouth is full of gauze and I just want to guzzle some water now, without drinking half a pint of blood at the same time. I hate that dry mouth feeling. Bleh.
I definitely need popsicles. fer sure. :p
Anyway, much disomfort, but I will live. It's not so bad...we'll just see when the drugs where off. They did give me a prescription for painkillers though, so that oughta fix me right up. =)
Well, I know this was brief, but I am off to find some ice and a good movie. =) Hope all is well out there in bloggyland.
It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. I never even had a chance to see the iv in my arm, as I looked away while they were putting it in, and promptly fell asleep afterward. =)
Anyway, I am still on the medicine from the Oral Surgeon, so I am feeling pretty okay, at least despite the fact that my mouth is full of gauze and I just want to guzzle some water now, without drinking half a pint of blood at the same time. I hate that dry mouth feeling. Bleh.
I definitely need popsicles. fer sure. :p
Anyway, much disomfort, but I will live. It's not so bad...we'll just see when the drugs where off. They did give me a prescription for painkillers though, so that oughta fix me right up. =)
Well, I know this was brief, but I am off to find some ice and a good movie. =) Hope all is well out there in bloggyland.
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