Been busy, what can I say?
Work has been overloading my brain! It's nice to have a couple of days off. Last week was also a rough week. Just the reality of being 2000 miles away from home for Christmas. Generally, even when I don't live there, I always go home for Christmas. So, I was feeling pretty emotional a couple of days, and coming up with all of these reasons to move home.
I am feeling much better now.
I think as I get older it gets harder to roam to and fro. Almost all of my friends are married now, and most have kids. Everybody is settled down and I guess I am feeling that pull to be near friends and family.
Anyway, I have probably mentioned this many times before.
For awhile now, most of the time I have been in San Antonio, I have been feeling this constant stretching feeling. Being here, though good, has also been very hard. I have definitely grown. I have felt all along though, that I was supposed to be here. I can't really explain it.
In any case, that is what keeps me here. It would be easier for me to go home and be able to work at Starbucks, which I love even when I hate it. haha!
My new job is going to be boring and tedious, but I am going to do whatever I have to do until I feel released to do the next thing.
There are some things in life that I just do not understand, and my being here is one of them!!!! haha!
It's good though. It's great being only two hours from Becky and being able to drive down and visit sometimes. We have great times.
Merry Christmas to all of you reading this. I hope your Holiday is tremendously blessed. Take time to stop and remember the reason for the season.
Much love coming your way from San Antonio!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
JOE SHERRY ROCKS MY FACE OFF! WOOHOO!
Okay, so I have been meaning to post this entry for two days now.
I am not so used to my schedule. It's not a rough one, just different, and I have had plenty to do when I get home lately. By the time I get around to blogging I have been exhausted.
So anyway...
Joe gets the blog title this week for giving me a heads up on the Wheel of Time info. When Robert Jordan died and he didn't rush straight to email to let me know, I gave him a really hard time. hehe. :p
WAHOOO! Harriet has picked a writer for a Memory of Light, which is great news. Althouth I know nothing about this guy, noone could make a better decision than her. It won't be the same, but I know it will be as close as possible.
Possible release date of Fall 2009!!!! I am STOKED about that!! Wooo!
Thanks Joe, for the heads up.
I still check dragonmount, but who knows how many days might have gone by before I visited the site again.
Okay, this is a two part blog.
I asked you guys for blogging topics, and Lara told me that I should blog about what I would personally do if my potential employers were reading my blog.
Ugh.
Hard for me to imagine.
Honestly, the first thing I would probably do would be to change my blog address. lol! I realise that Lara has way too big a fan base to do that, but I don't have that problem. In fact, I could personally email everyone I know of who reads this blog, and direct them to the new place, thereby resolving the issue.
Of course, I really don't WANT to resort to moving my blog. So....hmm.
I guess it depends if I get the job. haha. If this is a job that I want and they have already read my blog...well, what can you do? What's done is done. That doesn't mean that I am feeling comfortable with my boss reading my blog and my not being able to vent about any work related issues, possibly including the fact that one of my supervisors is a snake.
So, if I get the job and keep it, I am moving my blog...or password protecting the entire thing.
If, on the other hand, I interviewed, but they hate me because of my blog or my personality (whatever), or I decide not to take the job for whatever reason...then I really don't care. Read away people!
At that point, they can't affect me professionally, and since I am most likely not going to see them again, or only coincidentally, it isn't that big of a deal.
When it comes to people in my personal sphere though...then I have a tendency to feel exposed or threatened. I like to be in control of what the people surrounding me know about me, as much as is possible. People out there....it's a bit different. Weird huh? I am sure that I am not the only one who feels that way however.
I am thinking of some things to post in response to Jill's suggestion as well. In the meantime, keep 'em comin'!! My brain is way too fried to think up my own topics. Today in training we had about half an hour left and I was ready to get up and run around the room screaming....just to have something else to do. The material is not particularly difficult, it's just taking it all in at once and remembering it!!! Easier said than done.
Wish me luck!
I am not so used to my schedule. It's not a rough one, just different, and I have had plenty to do when I get home lately. By the time I get around to blogging I have been exhausted.
So anyway...
Joe gets the blog title this week for giving me a heads up on the Wheel of Time info. When Robert Jordan died and he didn't rush straight to email to let me know, I gave him a really hard time. hehe. :p
WAHOOO! Harriet has picked a writer for a Memory of Light, which is great news. Althouth I know nothing about this guy, noone could make a better decision than her. It won't be the same, but I know it will be as close as possible.
Possible release date of Fall 2009!!!! I am STOKED about that!! Wooo!
Thanks Joe, for the heads up.
I still check dragonmount, but who knows how many days might have gone by before I visited the site again.
Okay, this is a two part blog.
I asked you guys for blogging topics, and Lara told me that I should blog about what I would personally do if my potential employers were reading my blog.
Ugh.
Hard for me to imagine.
Honestly, the first thing I would probably do would be to change my blog address. lol! I realise that Lara has way too big a fan base to do that, but I don't have that problem. In fact, I could personally email everyone I know of who reads this blog, and direct them to the new place, thereby resolving the issue.
Of course, I really don't WANT to resort to moving my blog. So....hmm.
I guess it depends if I get the job. haha. If this is a job that I want and they have already read my blog...well, what can you do? What's done is done. That doesn't mean that I am feeling comfortable with my boss reading my blog and my not being able to vent about any work related issues, possibly including the fact that one of my supervisors is a snake.
So, if I get the job and keep it, I am moving my blog...or password protecting the entire thing.
If, on the other hand, I interviewed, but they hate me because of my blog or my personality (whatever), or I decide not to take the job for whatever reason...then I really don't care. Read away people!
At that point, they can't affect me professionally, and since I am most likely not going to see them again, or only coincidentally, it isn't that big of a deal.
When it comes to people in my personal sphere though...then I have a tendency to feel exposed or threatened. I like to be in control of what the people surrounding me know about me, as much as is possible. People out there....it's a bit different. Weird huh? I am sure that I am not the only one who feels that way however.
I am thinking of some things to post in response to Jill's suggestion as well. In the meantime, keep 'em comin'!! My brain is way too fried to think up my own topics. Today in training we had about half an hour left and I was ready to get up and run around the room screaming....just to have something else to do. The material is not particularly difficult, it's just taking it all in at once and remembering it!!! Easier said than done.
Wish me luck!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Invitation...
By the way (for the whole three of you that actually read this blog! ha!), I am up for blogging suggestions at the moment. So, if there is a topic or two that you would just love to hear my commentary on, or any questions that you are just dying to ask....feel free.
It could be fun. It could be amusing. It could be revealing!
Mwah!
P.S. One of the big bonuses of not having a kazillion readers and not being THAT incredibly interesting, is that unlike Lara, potential employers do NOT read my blog. I like to keep my anonymity. :p
Go tiny blogging me!
Woo!
It could be fun. It could be amusing. It could be revealing!
Mwah!
P.S. One of the big bonuses of not having a kazillion readers and not being THAT incredibly interesting, is that unlike Lara, potential employers do NOT read my blog. I like to keep my anonymity. :p
Go tiny blogging me!
Woo!
Bloggin' bloggin' bloggin'...
So, Jill asked for an update on my new job. However, since I just started the training today, there is not much I can say about it. Essentially I work for an insurance company, dealing with benefits information, etc etc. Not terribly exciting. In fact, I am going to be bored to tears. I have done these kinds of jobs before and they don't perfectly suit me.
It is, however, a means to an end...as I have said before. Everyone there seems really nice, which is a big bonus.
It may not be the job I have for the next three years, but I will do it for as long as I can without pulling out my hair or someone elses. :p
Actually, I am hoping to save a lot of money the first part of 08. That will be good. So, there are definitely up sides.
And who knows, maybe there is a perfect job up ahead. *shrug*
In any case, I get to wear jeans to work, which is pretty much the highlight of my existence. That's just how I roll. =)
In fact, just in case I die prematurely, perhaps by being stepped on by an elephant, or falling off the roof one day, I would like to say here and now, in writing for all the world to see, that I prefer to be buried in my blue jeans. Ahh yeah baby. ;)
It is cold and foggy in San Antone today and I love it. =) I've been thinking lately about the West coast. Like, I don't care where I live in the future, as long as it is somewhere on the west coast. Things are just so completely different. I don't even care which state it is....Washington, Oregon, California....they are all good options as far as I am concerned. In fact, in Oregon, I wouldn't even have to pump my own gas. :p It's the simple things you know. ha!
Then again, California has In n' Out Burger. ;)
...Well....it's a toss up, what can I say?
=)
It is, however, a means to an end...as I have said before. Everyone there seems really nice, which is a big bonus.
It may not be the job I have for the next three years, but I will do it for as long as I can without pulling out my hair or someone elses. :p
Actually, I am hoping to save a lot of money the first part of 08. That will be good. So, there are definitely up sides.
And who knows, maybe there is a perfect job up ahead. *shrug*
In any case, I get to wear jeans to work, which is pretty much the highlight of my existence. That's just how I roll. =)
In fact, just in case I die prematurely, perhaps by being stepped on by an elephant, or falling off the roof one day, I would like to say here and now, in writing for all the world to see, that I prefer to be buried in my blue jeans. Ahh yeah baby. ;)
It is cold and foggy in San Antone today and I love it. =) I've been thinking lately about the West coast. Like, I don't care where I live in the future, as long as it is somewhere on the west coast. Things are just so completely different. I don't even care which state it is....Washington, Oregon, California....they are all good options as far as I am concerned. In fact, in Oregon, I wouldn't even have to pump my own gas. :p It's the simple things you know. ha!
Then again, California has In n' Out Burger. ;)
...Well....it's a toss up, what can I say?
=)
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Ugh and even more Ugh.
It is so not fun when I really want to talk to someone, and they could genuinely care less about talking to me. I suppose they have much better things to do with their time!!
You know, I generally do not waste my time on these sorts of situations. I find things to distract myself until the desire goes away. Unfortunately, that is not really working out this time!! Phoo.
Soo....I dunno. I guess I am just going to have to deal with that feeling. Bleh.
In other news, I have a possible roommate situation with one of my old DTS friends. She is a really great person, but we are both pretty set in our ways and I do have my doubts. It's the best prospect I have however, and if it works out then that will be good.
I start the new job tomorrow so we will see how that goes.
I am not terribly excited about it, but I am prepared to sink my teeth in and do the best job I can. It is a means to an end.
I was looking into some community college classes, but the tuition here for non-residents is out of control. So, for now I am going to focus on other things, and hope to save some money for whatever is ahead. Including my trip to Europe with Becky in the fall! Woo! Still crossing my fingers that is all going to work out ok.
So, things are not looking good with the writer's strike. I was hoping, probably somewhat naively, that the AMPTP would actually negotiate a good contract, rather than trying to screw the writers. Good Lord, it's NOT like those CEO's are not making plenty of money to spread the wealth around. Half of the good tv is now on reruns and the rest is about to follow in the next couple of weeks.
With no end in sight, there is not a lot of hope for the spring.
It's okay for me. I will miss Bones, but I will also have plenty to keep me entertained in the coming months.
Unfortunately, people are so hooked on their tv's these days, they will probably just go out and buy a lot of shows on dvd to last through the strike. Sad, and I hope it doesn't happen, but possibly the case. I wish we could all rally for the writers...just on general principle. Workers deserve to be fairly compensated, but instead many workers just get buy, while CEO's of large corporations get richer and richer all the time.
Fortunately, my mother does not read this blog. If she did, she would tell me that it is all George Bush's fault, that he is the antichrist and is destroying America. I really hate talking politics with my mom. Regardless of my feelings on Bush, I generally just feel a stubborn desire to argue with her. No matter what the topic.
My mom is, however, a member of a union and I am pretty sure that she would stand with the writers on this. I guess that means we agree on something. I still don't want to talk about it. :p
Things are pretty well here in Texas. I have my good days and my bad days as we all do. There isn't really a lot else to say on the matter right now. I still have no idea what I am doing here, but I am just going with it. I am looking at it as an opportunity for growth. =)
You know, I generally do not waste my time on these sorts of situations. I find things to distract myself until the desire goes away. Unfortunately, that is not really working out this time!! Phoo.
Soo....I dunno. I guess I am just going to have to deal with that feeling. Bleh.
In other news, I have a possible roommate situation with one of my old DTS friends. She is a really great person, but we are both pretty set in our ways and I do have my doubts. It's the best prospect I have however, and if it works out then that will be good.
I start the new job tomorrow so we will see how that goes.
I am not terribly excited about it, but I am prepared to sink my teeth in and do the best job I can. It is a means to an end.
I was looking into some community college classes, but the tuition here for non-residents is out of control. So, for now I am going to focus on other things, and hope to save some money for whatever is ahead. Including my trip to Europe with Becky in the fall! Woo! Still crossing my fingers that is all going to work out ok.
So, things are not looking good with the writer's strike. I was hoping, probably somewhat naively, that the AMPTP would actually negotiate a good contract, rather than trying to screw the writers. Good Lord, it's NOT like those CEO's are not making plenty of money to spread the wealth around. Half of the good tv is now on reruns and the rest is about to follow in the next couple of weeks.
With no end in sight, there is not a lot of hope for the spring.
It's okay for me. I will miss Bones, but I will also have plenty to keep me entertained in the coming months.
Unfortunately, people are so hooked on their tv's these days, they will probably just go out and buy a lot of shows on dvd to last through the strike. Sad, and I hope it doesn't happen, but possibly the case. I wish we could all rally for the writers...just on general principle. Workers deserve to be fairly compensated, but instead many workers just get buy, while CEO's of large corporations get richer and richer all the time.
Fortunately, my mother does not read this blog. If she did, she would tell me that it is all George Bush's fault, that he is the antichrist and is destroying America. I really hate talking politics with my mom. Regardless of my feelings on Bush, I generally just feel a stubborn desire to argue with her. No matter what the topic.
My mom is, however, a member of a union and I am pretty sure that she would stand with the writers on this. I guess that means we agree on something. I still don't want to talk about it. :p
Things are pretty well here in Texas. I have my good days and my bad days as we all do. There isn't really a lot else to say on the matter right now. I still have no idea what I am doing here, but I am just going with it. I am looking at it as an opportunity for growth. =)
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Writers and Joss. My Favorite Things.
Somehow in the midst of the writer's strike and my own crazy life here in San Antonio, I am finding the desire to write things taking over and flowing through my veins again. It creeps up on me you know.
Anyway, I do plenty of writing away from this blog.
Today on the United Hollywood website, I read this post by Joss Whedon. Actually, it was originally posted on Whedonesque, which you can also get to by the link on the right hand side of this page.
It brings up a couple of interesting points, especially pertaining to the audacity of the AMPTP.
I am posting it here in its entirety.
Enjoy.
Joss Whedon Looks Into A Crystal Ball...
(From WGA Member Joss Whedon, originally posted on Whedonesque)
We're a week away from Mutant Enemy Picket day! Since the AMPTP have generously offered us a thimble of sputum in exchange for everything written ever, I think it's fair to say it won't be a picnic.
And in two weeks, I'll be in Boston, speechifying (look for some long, fancy words, yo) and rallying shoulder to shoulder with, among other people, my dad, who somehow lived through both the '88 strike and my adolescence. Word. (Long fancy.)
And after that? Well, we might take this to the streets of some other cities. Get the word out, remind everyone that corporate greed (it's nothing but) is hurting everyone in this country. Not just because they're robbing people of entertainment (and, on occasion, art) and strangling an entire (non-writing) community, but because they're sending a message to every union in the country: you're next. The actors know that in their case, it's literally true, but it's also true for the concept of a unionized workforce. We get a lot of flack for being well-fed, glamorous, rich and powerful. We've worked hard to dispel that stereotype but in fact, a select few of us are wealthy and influential. And we have the support of some of the most famous and beloved (and wealthy and influential) people in the country: TV and movie stars! So the fact that the studios feel perfectly comfortable SPITTING IN OUR FACES in front of the whole world cannot bode well for any other union that works under them -- or under anyone who sees how easy it is to deny the basic rights of workers even so public as we. This is bad for writers, bad for actors, teamsters, teachers, nurses, dockworkers... the shape of this country is changing. The middle class is being squeezed out. We're trundling back to the middle ages, people, and all we can do is lie there and take it.
But of course, that's not what's going to happen. The studios mean to starve us out. They can't. We know what's at stake. We take care of our own, and those around us who aren't our own. We dig in. And eventually, if after months of deadlock we still can't make an equitable deal, you will start to see real change. Change in the way we entertain you, change in the essential structure of America's most popular export. (Unless it's corn. Is it corn?) The fact is, the studios have been robbing us for twenty years. (Actually, it's been much longer, but the statute of limitations says I should let 'em off easy.) This grotesque insult of a negotiation is the end of an era. It will be remembered as the stupidest move the conglomotainment empires ever made. WE ASKED FOR PRACTICALLY NOTHING. And they...
Something snaps. Something changes. Chaos, meet opportunity. Let them try to starve us out. We won't just survive. We will THRIVE. We're known as a creative community, and those numb f#$%ing frost-giants are about to find out we're a lot more of both than they knew.
If they come back to the table this very Tuesday next with the deal we need (and they won't), the change will still have come. The snap. The thing that broke, that can't be fixed. The eye, still wincing from the light, but finally wide open.
Good going, guys! Way to think it through.
Anyway, I do plenty of writing away from this blog.
Today on the United Hollywood website, I read this post by Joss Whedon. Actually, it was originally posted on Whedonesque, which you can also get to by the link on the right hand side of this page.
It brings up a couple of interesting points, especially pertaining to the audacity of the AMPTP.
I am posting it here in its entirety.
Enjoy.
Joss Whedon Looks Into A Crystal Ball...
(From WGA Member Joss Whedon, originally posted on Whedonesque)
We're a week away from Mutant Enemy Picket day! Since the AMPTP have generously offered us a thimble of sputum in exchange for everything written ever, I think it's fair to say it won't be a picnic.
And in two weeks, I'll be in Boston, speechifying (look for some long, fancy words, yo) and rallying shoulder to shoulder with, among other people, my dad, who somehow lived through both the '88 strike and my adolescence. Word. (Long fancy.)
And after that? Well, we might take this to the streets of some other cities. Get the word out, remind everyone that corporate greed (it's nothing but) is hurting everyone in this country. Not just because they're robbing people of entertainment (and, on occasion, art) and strangling an entire (non-writing) community, but because they're sending a message to every union in the country: you're next. The actors know that in their case, it's literally true, but it's also true for the concept of a unionized workforce. We get a lot of flack for being well-fed, glamorous, rich and powerful. We've worked hard to dispel that stereotype but in fact, a select few of us are wealthy and influential. And we have the support of some of the most famous and beloved (and wealthy and influential) people in the country: TV and movie stars! So the fact that the studios feel perfectly comfortable SPITTING IN OUR FACES in front of the whole world cannot bode well for any other union that works under them -- or under anyone who sees how easy it is to deny the basic rights of workers even so public as we. This is bad for writers, bad for actors, teamsters, teachers, nurses, dockworkers... the shape of this country is changing. The middle class is being squeezed out. We're trundling back to the middle ages, people, and all we can do is lie there and take it.
But of course, that's not what's going to happen. The studios mean to starve us out. They can't. We know what's at stake. We take care of our own, and those around us who aren't our own. We dig in. And eventually, if after months of deadlock we still can't make an equitable deal, you will start to see real change. Change in the way we entertain you, change in the essential structure of America's most popular export. (Unless it's corn. Is it corn?) The fact is, the studios have been robbing us for twenty years. (Actually, it's been much longer, but the statute of limitations says I should let 'em off easy.) This grotesque insult of a negotiation is the end of an era. It will be remembered as the stupidest move the conglomotainment empires ever made. WE ASKED FOR PRACTICALLY NOTHING. And they...
Something snaps. Something changes. Chaos, meet opportunity. Let them try to starve us out. We won't just survive. We will THRIVE. We're known as a creative community, and those numb f#$%ing frost-giants are about to find out we're a lot more of both than they knew.
If they come back to the table this very Tuesday next with the deal we need (and they won't), the change will still have come. The snap. The thing that broke, that can't be fixed. The eye, still wincing from the light, but finally wide open.
Good going, guys! Way to think it through.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Small moments of happiness.
However lame lamedy lame it might be....I LOVE this show. =)
It makes me all happy inside.
So here you go...
It makes me all happy inside.
So here you go...
Rawr. Thirteen Things that SUCK!!!
As I was getting ready to get my rant on, I remembered that it was Thursday and that I haven't done one of these things in a long time. So I thought; What the hell?
Here they are, 13 Things that suck.
1. Blind Faith. This stupid feeling in my gut or voice in my head, or whatever it is, that makes me "go this way," or "do the right thing" or whatever. While everyone else is off chasing after their pleasures and I am sitting here crying because this hurts and it sucks, and on top of it everyone thinks I am a freak. Nice.
2. Not being home with your family for Christmas because of stupid blind faith.
3. Being single. Highly overrated.
4. Getting out of the blue messages, on your dead sisters birthday, from her old friends whom you really do not want to comfort or talk to.
5. Taking new jobs that you don't love (even thought you are greatful for) because you have to pay the bills somehow!!
6. Stupid people who will not talk to you or return your messages for no apparently good reason except that they are LAME!!! ppplllllbbbbb!!!!
7. Old Flames.
8. Hormones that amplify the affect of everything you are already feeling and/or trying to bury, while at the same time negating everything you feel and/or are trying to bury by making other people think you are "simply hormonal."
9. All of the above things happening simultaneously.
10. Having absoultely no control over all of the above things, or seemingly of ones faith-lead life at all.
(Thanks Jill for catching my lameness! haha! Apparently I was ranting a little too much if you catch my drift!!!)
Originally I only posted ten things, rather than 13...
So...
11. Only posting ten things when you meant to post 13!!!!
12. The writers in Hollywood not getting paid what they deserve, so that the shows I love can continue to go on and give me some small comfort!!
13. Feeling stupid the day after my rants, even though I sometimes need to just get it all out!!
Being a Christian is not always full of daises and roses...but, ya know, such is life.
Anyway, there ya have it!!
Here they are, 13 Things that suck.
1. Blind Faith. This stupid feeling in my gut or voice in my head, or whatever it is, that makes me "go this way," or "do the right thing" or whatever. While everyone else is off chasing after their pleasures and I am sitting here crying because this hurts and it sucks, and on top of it everyone thinks I am a freak. Nice.
2. Not being home with your family for Christmas because of stupid blind faith.
3. Being single. Highly overrated.
4. Getting out of the blue messages, on your dead sisters birthday, from her old friends whom you really do not want to comfort or talk to.
5. Taking new jobs that you don't love (even thought you are greatful for) because you have to pay the bills somehow!!
6. Stupid people who will not talk to you or return your messages for no apparently good reason except that they are LAME!!! ppplllllbbbbb!!!!
7. Old Flames.
8. Hormones that amplify the affect of everything you are already feeling and/or trying to bury, while at the same time negating everything you feel and/or are trying to bury by making other people think you are "simply hormonal."
9. All of the above things happening simultaneously.
10. Having absoultely no control over all of the above things, or seemingly of ones faith-lead life at all.
(Thanks Jill for catching my lameness! haha! Apparently I was ranting a little too much if you catch my drift!!!)
Originally I only posted ten things, rather than 13...
So...
11. Only posting ten things when you meant to post 13!!!!
12. The writers in Hollywood not getting paid what they deserve, so that the shows I love can continue to go on and give me some small comfort!!
13. Feeling stupid the day after my rants, even though I sometimes need to just get it all out!!
Being a Christian is not always full of daises and roses...but, ya know, such is life.
Anyway, there ya have it!!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Things Come to Pass...
Yesterday someone I knew passed away.
One of my best friends, my big sister really...I mean, if it could be said that I have one...her father passed away. Many years ago he was the associate pastor at our church so I knew him well. Always friendly and full of life, he was a very well liked man.
I haven't seen he or his wife in some time, but I would get occassional reports from my friend. She lives very far from me, back home in Washington, and I am sorry that I am not there to give her a big hug.
Many of my good friends from the old days are scattered all over the place. I made a couple of phone calls to let people know the bad news.
One of the people I called is also an old roommate of mine. We met at work when I was 18. She knows the people who I live with now here in Texas. We go way back. Anyway, she asked me a couple of questions about them and different things. I don't know why, but it made me stop and think about being here. It made me think about what brought me here in the first place.
I haven't cried yet. I mean, I have been on the verge of tears for awhile, but they don't fall. I think the most sad thing for me, is just not being there with my friends. This is, unfortunately, how life goes sometimes.
I wouldn't say that I was incredibly close with this man, but since his family include some of my favorite people ever....well, you know. I generally spend Christmas Eve with the family. It's a three year running tradition, so this will be the first time I have missed it in awhile. It's ok. I mean, I am not sorry about being here, but there are definitely good and bad points.
I pray that one day I will be able to spend holidays with my family and friends in Washington, even if that means flying or driving long distances. I suppose I have been very lucky to have had so many good holidays with everyone so far.
I am listening to some gregorian chant Christmas carol and it is making me all mushy. heh. I love choirs. Love love love.
Work has been surprisingly good the past three days, which is a HUGE blessing, considering the difficulties I have had here, and the constant pain I carry around inside of me. The stress of work and finances does not help.
I have been blissfully numb in some ways. I mean, the things that are constantly on my mind have appeared somewhat less frequently. It was a break I needed. I know it can't last forever, but I am greatful for the respite.
Tonight I am going to do some praying though, which might cause everything to rise right up. It is just a consequence that I must pay.
God is good though and I am well in body and spirit, if just a little weary in the heart area.
It is well with my soul
One of my best friends, my big sister really...I mean, if it could be said that I have one...her father passed away. Many years ago he was the associate pastor at our church so I knew him well. Always friendly and full of life, he was a very well liked man.
I haven't seen he or his wife in some time, but I would get occassional reports from my friend. She lives very far from me, back home in Washington, and I am sorry that I am not there to give her a big hug.
Many of my good friends from the old days are scattered all over the place. I made a couple of phone calls to let people know the bad news.
One of the people I called is also an old roommate of mine. We met at work when I was 18. She knows the people who I live with now here in Texas. We go way back. Anyway, she asked me a couple of questions about them and different things. I don't know why, but it made me stop and think about being here. It made me think about what brought me here in the first place.
I haven't cried yet. I mean, I have been on the verge of tears for awhile, but they don't fall. I think the most sad thing for me, is just not being there with my friends. This is, unfortunately, how life goes sometimes.
I wouldn't say that I was incredibly close with this man, but since his family include some of my favorite people ever....well, you know. I generally spend Christmas Eve with the family. It's a three year running tradition, so this will be the first time I have missed it in awhile. It's ok. I mean, I am not sorry about being here, but there are definitely good and bad points.
I pray that one day I will be able to spend holidays with my family and friends in Washington, even if that means flying or driving long distances. I suppose I have been very lucky to have had so many good holidays with everyone so far.
I am listening to some gregorian chant Christmas carol and it is making me all mushy. heh. I love choirs. Love love love.
Work has been surprisingly good the past three days, which is a HUGE blessing, considering the difficulties I have had here, and the constant pain I carry around inside of me. The stress of work and finances does not help.
I have been blissfully numb in some ways. I mean, the things that are constantly on my mind have appeared somewhat less frequently. It was a break I needed. I know it can't last forever, but I am greatful for the respite.
Tonight I am going to do some praying though, which might cause everything to rise right up. It is just a consequence that I must pay.
God is good though and I am well in body and spirit, if just a little weary in the heart area.
It is well with my soul
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Way Things Are...
Whenever something political is in the news, so and so (somebody, maybe you, or your neighbor)is commenting on the bias of the media and how they always lean this way or that way. I have heard various critisisms of the New York Times for example, saying that they cater to a certain status of people and maybe they have been bought out.
Well, duh.
Everybody is in it for the money.
If I had enough money to get my opinion spread all around the globe, pertaining to world poverty, AIDS, and various other important social topics, don't you think I would do so?
So, where I was going with this is that I actually think the Writer's Strike is a sad commentary on this whole thing. A support of this fact if you will. It has only been minutely covered by the news, and I don't know about you, but I am pretty damn sure that has a lot to do with the networks that are behind the programs.
Even though I believe this to be the case, I still hold out hope that the spirit of journalism will prevail. As far as the internet is concerned, the WGA seems to be well represented, but in the news...pleh.
I guess the Networks don't want the public at large to know they are screwing the people that work for them.
Money hungry bastards.
In any case, as seems ironicly appropriate, I would not doubt that the thing they are unwilling to compromise on, the thing they swear will not last or give money to anyone (despite the fact that they are already rolling in it), will ultimately be
the thing that brings about their demise.
All hail the World Wide Web. =)
Go Writers!
Well, duh.
Everybody is in it for the money.
If I had enough money to get my opinion spread all around the globe, pertaining to world poverty, AIDS, and various other important social topics, don't you think I would do so?
So, where I was going with this is that I actually think the Writer's Strike is a sad commentary on this whole thing. A support of this fact if you will. It has only been minutely covered by the news, and I don't know about you, but I am pretty damn sure that has a lot to do with the networks that are behind the programs.
Even though I believe this to be the case, I still hold out hope that the spirit of journalism will prevail. As far as the internet is concerned, the WGA seems to be well represented, but in the news...pleh.
I guess the Networks don't want the public at large to know they are screwing the people that work for them.
Money hungry bastards.
In any case, as seems ironicly appropriate, I would not doubt that the thing they are unwilling to compromise on, the thing they swear will not last or give money to anyone (despite the fact that they are already rolling in it), will ultimately be
the thing that brings about their demise.
All hail the World Wide Web. =)
Go Writers!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Back to Basics
Today was a good day. Green Bay pretty much wiped the turf with the Vikings. A Packer's fan just can't be sad about that. :p
I live in a household of Dallas fans though...so in a couple of weeks when we go head to head, it is going to be very interesting.
In less exciting news, there haven't really been any positive changes here lately. On the other hand, my attitude about things has begun to sway, which is a good sign. I have realized that I really need to focus on the little things. What I mean by little things are; having a positive attitude at work no matter what, praying for my friends and coworkers, finding ways to bless my very gracious friends that are letting me stay with them. Maybe these things seem like no brainers, but sometimes we get very distracted by the big picture.
I had very specific ideas about the way things were going to go here in San Antonio, and it just hasn't even come CLOSE to what I pictured.
Not to sound all negative, I love my friends and spending time with them, plus reconnecting with others has been a huge blessing. I think this is a point I am reiterating here.
I notice I have been repeating myself a little in the last few posts.
In any case, last week somebody said something to me about "building the foundation," which I HATE hearing. Anything about "foundations" makes me think that I should hide in my room and read the bible for hours and hours each day and I am REALLY bad at that.
It was food for though though, and I am realizing some other areas of my life where some good things do need to be restored and built up. So...gonna work on that.
I had a few days off this week and I go back early in the morning so this will be the first test of whether or not I can have a better attitude. Go me!
Don't get me wrong, I get along with everyone just fine, but my patience is on edge at least half of the time, and I find myself wanting to lose patience even with my customers, which is generally not like me. I feel sick of people and their whiney complaining.
Truth is however, those are a small portion of the people we deal with on a regular basis. I have always been pretty good about brushing them off....just not since I have been in San Antonio.
We'll see how it goes.
In general I can't shake this odd feeling anytime I am outside of this household, that I just don't quite click here. Like...maybe I don't belong, and I definitely do not like people as much as in Washington which genuinely surprises me. Most likely I just haven't given it enough of a chance. I am certainly going to hang in here.
Well, that is the update for this fabulous Sunday evening.
More to come...eventually! ;P
I live in a household of Dallas fans though...so in a couple of weeks when we go head to head, it is going to be very interesting.
In less exciting news, there haven't really been any positive changes here lately. On the other hand, my attitude about things has begun to sway, which is a good sign. I have realized that I really need to focus on the little things. What I mean by little things are; having a positive attitude at work no matter what, praying for my friends and coworkers, finding ways to bless my very gracious friends that are letting me stay with them. Maybe these things seem like no brainers, but sometimes we get very distracted by the big picture.
I had very specific ideas about the way things were going to go here in San Antonio, and it just hasn't even come CLOSE to what I pictured.
Not to sound all negative, I love my friends and spending time with them, plus reconnecting with others has been a huge blessing. I think this is a point I am reiterating here.
I notice I have been repeating myself a little in the last few posts.
In any case, last week somebody said something to me about "building the foundation," which I HATE hearing. Anything about "foundations" makes me think that I should hide in my room and read the bible for hours and hours each day and I am REALLY bad at that.
It was food for though though, and I am realizing some other areas of my life where some good things do need to be restored and built up. So...gonna work on that.
I had a few days off this week and I go back early in the morning so this will be the first test of whether or not I can have a better attitude. Go me!
Don't get me wrong, I get along with everyone just fine, but my patience is on edge at least half of the time, and I find myself wanting to lose patience even with my customers, which is generally not like me. I feel sick of people and their whiney complaining.
Truth is however, those are a small portion of the people we deal with on a regular basis. I have always been pretty good about brushing them off....just not since I have been in San Antonio.
We'll see how it goes.
In general I can't shake this odd feeling anytime I am outside of this household, that I just don't quite click here. Like...maybe I don't belong, and I definitely do not like people as much as in Washington which genuinely surprises me. Most likely I just haven't given it enough of a chance. I am certainly going to hang in here.
Well, that is the update for this fabulous Sunday evening.
More to come...eventually! ;P
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
More on the writer's strike...
I found this insightful video on youtube, reguarding the writer's strike. Of course, it's full of things I personally already knew, but hopefully someone who reads this blog will find it helpful. In case there was any doubt as to my being 100% behind the WGA, let me just say that I wish I was in L.A. so I could drop off some donuts and tasty beverages. =)
Something else, just for sheer amusement value...
Something else, just for sheer amusement value...
Monday, November 05, 2007
Writers Strike, etc.
Yesterday I was reading a lot of very insightful information on this website: www.unitedhollywood.com
As you know if you read this blog much at all, I was interested in screenwriting for awhile. Actually, writing specifically for tv, mostly. I think it would rock. I have a few favorite writers, among those the oft mentioned Joss Whedon, and also Jane Espenson, who is linked on the side of this page.
Anyway, I definitely hope the writers get what they deserve.
I think it is pretty sad that they have to fight so hard for what they already deserve. Without them, we would never have the shows we love in the first place.
I wish I lived in New York or L.A. as I would so join them on the picket lines to show my support.
Today I have been doing the job search once again. Oh, and did I mention when I blogged last that I had checked out that church?? I really liked it.
Anyway, things are made difficult by this wretched sense of waiting. Like when you are teaching your dog manners before giving them a treat. "Waaaiiiit...wait for it.....okay now!" Except, I am still waiting for the "okay now" part.
I had a wonderful email from my friend Beth this morning. She is in Philadelphia working with Teach for America. We have been having some great dialogue...interesting comparison of cities.
I think we have taken for granted that the rest of the country is like the west. In fact, it is QUITE different.
I come from Washington...the land of "green." I do mean that in more than one way, but let's focus on the environment if you will. Not even the hard core environmental issues, but just the seemingly simple things like...recycling paper and not using styrafoam? Yeah, Texas....waaaay behind in that class. :p Not to mention the litterers!!! Good Lord!
Of course, Seattle is listed as one of the most educated cities in the nation, and my friend who works in Corpus reminded me that a lot of people here are poorly educated. Those who lack education tend to care less about environmental issues and the like, because they don't really know why they should care, and also because they often lack the financial means to get things started, or to buy more expensive "green" products.
Tis true, 'tis true.
Also, Beth told me that people in Philadelphia know of Seattle. It is recognized as the home of Starbucks, and generally thought to be somewhere in the Midwest!
:p
Interesting information.
I myself am a college dropout who barely got through high school and that astounds me. I don't consider myself to be a well educated person and even so....Wow.
Goodness. This is two posts right in a row! What in the world is going on! Jill, Lara, try not to have a heart attack! :p
As you know if you read this blog much at all, I was interested in screenwriting for awhile. Actually, writing specifically for tv, mostly. I think it would rock. I have a few favorite writers, among those the oft mentioned Joss Whedon, and also Jane Espenson, who is linked on the side of this page.
Anyway, I definitely hope the writers get what they deserve.
I think it is pretty sad that they have to fight so hard for what they already deserve. Without them, we would never have the shows we love in the first place.
I wish I lived in New York or L.A. as I would so join them on the picket lines to show my support.
Today I have been doing the job search once again. Oh, and did I mention when I blogged last that I had checked out that church?? I really liked it.
Anyway, things are made difficult by this wretched sense of waiting. Like when you are teaching your dog manners before giving them a treat. "Waaaiiiit...wait for it.....okay now!" Except, I am still waiting for the "okay now" part.
I had a wonderful email from my friend Beth this morning. She is in Philadelphia working with Teach for America. We have been having some great dialogue...interesting comparison of cities.
I think we have taken for granted that the rest of the country is like the west. In fact, it is QUITE different.
I come from Washington...the land of "green." I do mean that in more than one way, but let's focus on the environment if you will. Not even the hard core environmental issues, but just the seemingly simple things like...recycling paper and not using styrafoam? Yeah, Texas....waaaay behind in that class. :p Not to mention the litterers!!! Good Lord!
Of course, Seattle is listed as one of the most educated cities in the nation, and my friend who works in Corpus reminded me that a lot of people here are poorly educated. Those who lack education tend to care less about environmental issues and the like, because they don't really know why they should care, and also because they often lack the financial means to get things started, or to buy more expensive "green" products.
Tis true, 'tis true.
Also, Beth told me that people in Philadelphia know of Seattle. It is recognized as the home of Starbucks, and generally thought to be somewhere in the Midwest!
:p
Interesting information.
I myself am a college dropout who barely got through high school and that astounds me. I don't consider myself to be a well educated person and even so....Wow.
Goodness. This is two posts right in a row! What in the world is going on! Jill, Lara, try not to have a heart attack! :p
Saturday, November 03, 2007
My Other Life
I am a wretched blogger. Sometimes I have massive blogging phases, but let's face it, overall I suck.
I feel like all I do is complain, so since things have been rather stressful I have wanted to blog even less, afraid that it will end up sounding like a big bitch fest. What I ought to do is to make myself think of something everyday to be greatful for, and then I can blog that. I probably won't do it often, but it's a nice thought. :p
So today I checked out a new church and it was pretty cool. I am still a bit wary of church in general, but so far these guys sound really cool, and the worship was great which is a serious bonus. All of the other stuff I can do on my own at home...it's the big communal worship service I miss most.
I had a chance recently to see an old friend who I had not spoken to in five or six years. We lost touch. She now has a large family. They have also been through their own things with the church, but have managed to come through better for it. It was good to see her and her husband and family, and know that they are doing well.
Hooking up with old friends has definitely been a benefit of being here.
Lately when I am going to bed, turning off my light and praying as I lay down, the world seems to change on me. I feel as if my life is not my own. Maybe none of our lives are actually our own, but you know what I mean....you usually don't think about it that much. As soon as I can sit here and things are quiet, stuff that has been hidden throughout the day, appears suddenly before me. Now I don't mean like...all of my issues suddenly come out at night or anything like that. I am fully aware of lifes stress allll day long. :p
This is different. I start to pray and I just find these things stirring up within me. Like, I guess just having faith to pray for people and things that don't seem very hopeful on the outside. On the inside, what I feel is a completely different matter. It's as if I am part of some great idea. It feels like it is important RIGHT NOW.
Not to say that I ever thought prayer did not matter....but this is a little different than most of my prayer time. It feels like...something is going on right now, and I can be a part of it, if I will. *shrug*
In any case, I find myself praying very random things.
As usual, I cannot help but wonder at the future. As I sit here, making plans, starting to attend a new church, and meeting a potential new roommate, I find myself in a strange place. Feeling as if there is a big PAUSE button on my life right now and I am just WAITING for something. What it is, I do not know, it's just this strange feeling I have. Not always comfortable, but usually able to be ignored. I find it odd though, as my every intention was to come and get all settled in. I have peace with this city, although there are definitely a few things that make me crazy...(more on that later)!
Then again, I still love western Washington and thought I would stay there forever. hehehe.
What can I say?!
I don't live the same life as other people.
Of course, sometimes I desperately want to. :p
In the end, I suppose I would have gotten desperately bored in someone else's life. The Lord keeps moving me, keeps challenging me...
Even when I somtimes feel like I am the same stinky 19 year old I started out being, I know that I am not. Even when I feel like I complain too much and am ungreatful, I also know that hard times have taught me what it is to be greatful. I can look inside myself now and know what I am sincere or insincere.
Yup.
Life is about learning I guess. Constantly learning.
Well, that's all the rambling Amanda has in her tonight.
Goodnight my friends in the blogosphere.
I feel like all I do is complain, so since things have been rather stressful I have wanted to blog even less, afraid that it will end up sounding like a big bitch fest. What I ought to do is to make myself think of something everyday to be greatful for, and then I can blog that. I probably won't do it often, but it's a nice thought. :p
So today I checked out a new church and it was pretty cool. I am still a bit wary of church in general, but so far these guys sound really cool, and the worship was great which is a serious bonus. All of the other stuff I can do on my own at home...it's the big communal worship service I miss most.
I had a chance recently to see an old friend who I had not spoken to in five or six years. We lost touch. She now has a large family. They have also been through their own things with the church, but have managed to come through better for it. It was good to see her and her husband and family, and know that they are doing well.
Hooking up with old friends has definitely been a benefit of being here.
Lately when I am going to bed, turning off my light and praying as I lay down, the world seems to change on me. I feel as if my life is not my own. Maybe none of our lives are actually our own, but you know what I mean....you usually don't think about it that much. As soon as I can sit here and things are quiet, stuff that has been hidden throughout the day, appears suddenly before me. Now I don't mean like...all of my issues suddenly come out at night or anything like that. I am fully aware of lifes stress allll day long. :p
This is different. I start to pray and I just find these things stirring up within me. Like, I guess just having faith to pray for people and things that don't seem very hopeful on the outside. On the inside, what I feel is a completely different matter. It's as if I am part of some great idea. It feels like it is important RIGHT NOW.
Not to say that I ever thought prayer did not matter....but this is a little different than most of my prayer time. It feels like...something is going on right now, and I can be a part of it, if I will. *shrug*
In any case, I find myself praying very random things.
As usual, I cannot help but wonder at the future. As I sit here, making plans, starting to attend a new church, and meeting a potential new roommate, I find myself in a strange place. Feeling as if there is a big PAUSE button on my life right now and I am just WAITING for something. What it is, I do not know, it's just this strange feeling I have. Not always comfortable, but usually able to be ignored. I find it odd though, as my every intention was to come and get all settled in. I have peace with this city, although there are definitely a few things that make me crazy...(more on that later)!
Then again, I still love western Washington and thought I would stay there forever. hehehe.
What can I say?!
I don't live the same life as other people.
Of course, sometimes I desperately want to. :p
In the end, I suppose I would have gotten desperately bored in someone else's life. The Lord keeps moving me, keeps challenging me...
Even when I somtimes feel like I am the same stinky 19 year old I started out being, I know that I am not. Even when I feel like I complain too much and am ungreatful, I also know that hard times have taught me what it is to be greatful. I can look inside myself now and know what I am sincere or insincere.
Yup.
Life is about learning I guess. Constantly learning.
Well, that's all the rambling Amanda has in her tonight.
Goodnight my friends in the blogosphere.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
My sad, addictive relationship.
So...you see these people in these horrible situations with a friend or loved one and you think; "that could never be me." Well, at least you HOPE it could never be you.
Somehow though, I have had a revelation. I have been in a terrible relationship for the past 30 years. That's right, 30 years (...or damn close!).
What happens is this; I get my hopes up. It's simple really.
It started out innocently. I was too young to know what was happening in the beginning. Once I started going to school, my friend was there, every September, with the false promise of a new day. Everything seemed fresh with potential. Usually, that was not to be. At first we would be fine. We would get along as friends do. We would hang out together on the weekends and an occassional weekday evening. It could be fun. There would be jumping and shouting and general revelry. We would also go through hard times together...a bad tumble, a twisted ankle, unkind words from those who misunderstood us.
Through it all, I was a good friend.
I was a faithful friend.
I defended their name against those who would trample on it.
I was there for them.
I have come to realize that our relationship has been more ugly than nice. Every year I have hope that things will change. There have even been moments when this seemed to be the case. Years where my friend was seemingly transformed, where they failed to dissappoint or let me down. A couple of years ago I even thought we were golden. Everything seemed to be all better. The years ahead were filled with promise...but that promise has not been fulfilled!
In general, it has been one heartache after another. My heart is constantly being ripped out and handed to me on a platter!! Just when I think I am over it and I don't care anymore, I find myself coming back!! It's like I just can't stop! I tell myself not to give in, but after all these years that is nearly impossible.
Then, tonight, it was almost more than I could bear!
We were set up for a VERY promising evening. Things were looking good. Even the naysayers were confident we could work things out.
Then, it happened...
Stutz, the new guy, fumbled the snap.
There was no coming back after the touchdown that resulted from that little piece of football idiocy.
How does a team that can be as great as ours can, lose to a team that has NOT WON A GAME ALL SEASON?!?!?!?!
Okay, in all honesty, the game is not over yet.
In fact, we still have the entire 4th quarter to pull this game out of our ass.
Even so, it's 28 to 10.
It's been a painful display so far, and I was already reeling with the shame of last weeks loss.
Once again, things are taking a turn for the worst.
That' right folks, I am a Seahawks fan.
Born and bred in Washington state, how could I be otherwise?
It's no wonder my life can be so dreary.
Perhaps I have absorbed the curse of my team??
I mean, hell, the one year we go to the Superbowl, noone even takes us seriously, and then the Ref's completely screw us anyway.
Rawr.
If it weren't for Brett Favre and his rookie Packers to brighten my day, I would be in the middle of my third pint of Cider and getting ready to shave my head.
*sigh*
Ahhh....football season. How I both love (and later loathe) your appearance every fall.
Somehow though, I have had a revelation. I have been in a terrible relationship for the past 30 years. That's right, 30 years (...or damn close!).
What happens is this; I get my hopes up. It's simple really.
It started out innocently. I was too young to know what was happening in the beginning. Once I started going to school, my friend was there, every September, with the false promise of a new day. Everything seemed fresh with potential. Usually, that was not to be. At first we would be fine. We would get along as friends do. We would hang out together on the weekends and an occassional weekday evening. It could be fun. There would be jumping and shouting and general revelry. We would also go through hard times together...a bad tumble, a twisted ankle, unkind words from those who misunderstood us.
Through it all, I was a good friend.
I was a faithful friend.
I defended their name against those who would trample on it.
I was there for them.
I have come to realize that our relationship has been more ugly than nice. Every year I have hope that things will change. There have even been moments when this seemed to be the case. Years where my friend was seemingly transformed, where they failed to dissappoint or let me down. A couple of years ago I even thought we were golden. Everything seemed to be all better. The years ahead were filled with promise...but that promise has not been fulfilled!
In general, it has been one heartache after another. My heart is constantly being ripped out and handed to me on a platter!! Just when I think I am over it and I don't care anymore, I find myself coming back!! It's like I just can't stop! I tell myself not to give in, but after all these years that is nearly impossible.
Then, tonight, it was almost more than I could bear!
We were set up for a VERY promising evening. Things were looking good. Even the naysayers were confident we could work things out.
Then, it happened...
Stutz, the new guy, fumbled the snap.
There was no coming back after the touchdown that resulted from that little piece of football idiocy.
How does a team that can be as great as ours can, lose to a team that has NOT WON A GAME ALL SEASON?!?!?!?!
Okay, in all honesty, the game is not over yet.
In fact, we still have the entire 4th quarter to pull this game out of our ass.
Even so, it's 28 to 10.
It's been a painful display so far, and I was already reeling with the shame of last weeks loss.
Once again, things are taking a turn for the worst.
That' right folks, I am a Seahawks fan.
Born and bred in Washington state, how could I be otherwise?
It's no wonder my life can be so dreary.
Perhaps I have absorbed the curse of my team??
I mean, hell, the one year we go to the Superbowl, noone even takes us seriously, and then the Ref's completely screw us anyway.
Rawr.
If it weren't for Brett Favre and his rookie Packers to brighten my day, I would be in the middle of my third pint of Cider and getting ready to shave my head.
*sigh*
Ahhh....football season. How I both love (and later loathe) your appearance every fall.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Oh Humanity. Sometimes I loathe You.
I'm bored.
Okay, so I worked early this morning and drank waaaay too many shots of espresso. It made things a little bit more entertaining though. Unfortunately since I worked early, I also got off early. Which means of course, that I had a whole lot of today left to find something to do. There just wasn't really anything to do.
I am attempting to hide in my house so that I don't have to spend money on anything, including gas, since I can barely even pay my rent.
So, sometime early this afternoon I attempted to take a nice long nap. I even dozed off for around 20 minutes, but then something happened to wake me up and I just laid there thinking about things I didn't need to think about.
I should have gotten up right then and sent somebody an email, or made a phone call to someone far away, but did I?? Nope.
I just laid there and kept thinking.
My brain wandered into territories best left unexplored.
It contemplated things that are far from happening.
I got a little frustrated at my lack of patience in certain areas of life.
I also thought about an old friend, who now has six children. Count them S-I-X.
She and I have not spoken for a long time and she has been chasing a herd of rugrats for those years, while I have become more of a hermit and enjoyed my individuality way too much. I was recently presented with her long missing email and I wrote to her, but I wonder if I will even be able to relate anymore. Most of my friends are married and lots have kids...just not that many. lol. I do fine playing with families, it's just a bit out of my sphere. I sometimes feel like a big dumb alien. Like, I don't quite get it. I was held back a grade or five.
:p
Luckily, I do like children, even if I am undecided on having any.
I let my brain wander into the realm of old relationships, which again was best left in that dark, musty corner it inhabits in my memories.
It gets me into trouble when I dig it out. All those dust particles and things make a heck of a mess all over Amanda's tender pshyche...Or however you spell that word.
I've come to realize that I am quite possibly insane.
I am of of those crazy people that show up on television dramas. The ones who have left reality far behind and live in some universe of their own making.
I ponder things in my life that other people have entirely moved on from.
I hope for things that seem completely illogical, and yet I cannot help myself.
Quite possibly it is more appropriate to say that I am just a damn fool.
When all is well I create ways to get my heart broken.
For some reason I just can't get my heart broken in normal up-to-date ways like everyone else. Oh no, I have to get creative. :p
Ahh, who knows.
There is a God, and He randomly created this foolish girl named Amanda. So, maybe in some unexpected divine intervention, I will get what I hope for.
Otherwise I have at least been blessed with tremendous adventures and friends along my way.
I should write a book about that. heh.
Okay, so I worked early this morning and drank waaaay too many shots of espresso. It made things a little bit more entertaining though. Unfortunately since I worked early, I also got off early. Which means of course, that I had a whole lot of today left to find something to do. There just wasn't really anything to do.
I am attempting to hide in my house so that I don't have to spend money on anything, including gas, since I can barely even pay my rent.
So, sometime early this afternoon I attempted to take a nice long nap. I even dozed off for around 20 minutes, but then something happened to wake me up and I just laid there thinking about things I didn't need to think about.
I should have gotten up right then and sent somebody an email, or made a phone call to someone far away, but did I?? Nope.
I just laid there and kept thinking.
My brain wandered into territories best left unexplored.
It contemplated things that are far from happening.
I got a little frustrated at my lack of patience in certain areas of life.
I also thought about an old friend, who now has six children. Count them S-I-X.
She and I have not spoken for a long time and she has been chasing a herd of rugrats for those years, while I have become more of a hermit and enjoyed my individuality way too much. I was recently presented with her long missing email and I wrote to her, but I wonder if I will even be able to relate anymore. Most of my friends are married and lots have kids...just not that many. lol. I do fine playing with families, it's just a bit out of my sphere. I sometimes feel like a big dumb alien. Like, I don't quite get it. I was held back a grade or five.
:p
Luckily, I do like children, even if I am undecided on having any.
I let my brain wander into the realm of old relationships, which again was best left in that dark, musty corner it inhabits in my memories.
It gets me into trouble when I dig it out. All those dust particles and things make a heck of a mess all over Amanda's tender pshyche...Or however you spell that word.
I've come to realize that I am quite possibly insane.
I am of of those crazy people that show up on television dramas. The ones who have left reality far behind and live in some universe of their own making.
I ponder things in my life that other people have entirely moved on from.
I hope for things that seem completely illogical, and yet I cannot help myself.
Quite possibly it is more appropriate to say that I am just a damn fool.
When all is well I create ways to get my heart broken.
For some reason I just can't get my heart broken in normal up-to-date ways like everyone else. Oh no, I have to get creative. :p
Ahh, who knows.
There is a God, and He randomly created this foolish girl named Amanda. So, maybe in some unexpected divine intervention, I will get what I hope for.
Otherwise I have at least been blessed with tremendous adventures and friends along my way.
I should write a book about that. heh.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Sometimes by Faith..
Apparently it is back to school season, because generally after I post (especially when I haven't posted in awhile) Lara and Jill are right there with a comment, as if they had been staring at the computer, willing it to show an updated post! Hopefully I will be able to be a little better now.
Anyway, hey girls.
So here I am, in San Antonio. Things are going pretty good as I mentioned before. It helps to have friends here.
I came here by faith. I felt like there was a reason, although I did not know what it was. I still feel that way, but I know the purpose may not be revealed for some time. That is sometimes the way things are. Even so, I have the most incredible faith I've had in such a very long time. I don't let myself dwell on the negative, and I try to keep myself going, try to keep my drive up. It has had its moments, but in general has been great. The weather is different, the scenery is different, the grocery stores are different....Let's face it, it's sometimes like another country! Still, I feel good. I know I am supposed to be here. I am doing just fine.
The other day I was hanging out with my friends, and I can't remember what we were talking about, or what specifically brought it up, but I found myself going; "Whoa! have I been living in a cave?!" I just felt like...I had lived in such a sheltered cocoon for so long, that the world outside of it was still feeling very foreign.
I am not saying it's all bad. I worked for a couple of Christian non-profits and both were a great experience, and even all the years I worked with a college age ministry were valuable, even though some of that time just made me feel mad and other times numb. They were all good lessons that formed me.
I do feel, however, as if I had lost some sense of reality while I was in there. When I was younger I think I balanced a little better, even though I had NO idea I was doing so, and was ultimately floundering in the dark.
It's amazing when we look back, at the things we did better, even in immaturity. haha! Oh, we think we are so much older and wiser now!! :p
Anyway, here I am. I am praying. I am believing in good things...and I am trying to keep balance. I am trying to be comfortable among people again, who live outside of my safe little bubble. Just appreciate them and learn to love them.
I am praying for my friend and that good things will be restored to him.
Beyond that....well, there is not much beyond that right now!
If anything interesting comes up, I will be sure to let you know. ;)
Anyway, hey girls.
So here I am, in San Antonio. Things are going pretty good as I mentioned before. It helps to have friends here.
I came here by faith. I felt like there was a reason, although I did not know what it was. I still feel that way, but I know the purpose may not be revealed for some time. That is sometimes the way things are. Even so, I have the most incredible faith I've had in such a very long time. I don't let myself dwell on the negative, and I try to keep myself going, try to keep my drive up. It has had its moments, but in general has been great. The weather is different, the scenery is different, the grocery stores are different....Let's face it, it's sometimes like another country! Still, I feel good. I know I am supposed to be here. I am doing just fine.
The other day I was hanging out with my friends, and I can't remember what we were talking about, or what specifically brought it up, but I found myself going; "Whoa! have I been living in a cave?!" I just felt like...I had lived in such a sheltered cocoon for so long, that the world outside of it was still feeling very foreign.
I am not saying it's all bad. I worked for a couple of Christian non-profits and both were a great experience, and even all the years I worked with a college age ministry were valuable, even though some of that time just made me feel mad and other times numb. They were all good lessons that formed me.
I do feel, however, as if I had lost some sense of reality while I was in there. When I was younger I think I balanced a little better, even though I had NO idea I was doing so, and was ultimately floundering in the dark.
It's amazing when we look back, at the things we did better, even in immaturity. haha! Oh, we think we are so much older and wiser now!! :p
Anyway, here I am. I am praying. I am believing in good things...and I am trying to keep balance. I am trying to be comfortable among people again, who live outside of my safe little bubble. Just appreciate them and learn to love them.
I am praying for my friend and that good things will be restored to him.
Beyond that....well, there is not much beyond that right now!
If anything interesting comes up, I will be sure to let you know. ;)
Monday, September 24, 2007
Here I am, Oh here I am...
Yes, I am here in San Antooooonio!
It's warm, but not too warm thank goodness. Adjusting to the humidity has so far been easier than expected. Phew!
I am sure everyone wants to know all about Texas and how things are going, but I really want to talk about football. lol
Okay, okay, it's going fine. Everything is fine. It's great to see my friends. We have been hanging out a lot and it's been really really good. Buuuttt...more on that later. hehe.
Did you SEE how my Seahawks squeaked out a win yesterday?!?! Okay, yes, it WAS "squeaked" but even so, they won. =) Happy Amanda.
Even BETTER, the PACKERS won too! Brett Favre and his little band of rookies are kicking so much more ass than anyone thought them capable of, and I am LOOOOVING it. Plus, he tied Dan Marino for the career touchdown pass record!!
Go him!!! =)
I love that guy!!
I love football season. =)
It's true, I do sometimes get a little too into it, and a little stressed out about it...but that's just because I love it so much. :p
So, in horrible and wretched news, I have to talk about my football goodness because it covers up my terrible feelings over the loss of James Rigney, aka Robert Jordan!! =(
He passed away on the 16th and I didn't even know until like five days later!!!! Where were my friends?!?! Why didn't they call me?!?! JOE! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!
I actually passed the dreaded news onto a couple of people myself.
Why, oh why, Lord God in Heaven, could he NOT have just finished that ONE. LAST. BOOK! before he left us?!?!?! Okay, okay, yes, I am sad for his wife Harriet, and his cousin, and all other family members...I am sad that his life was cut short. I really am. Even though he did not die in pain, and believed in God's timing...
Still...
Moiraine is now going to be trapped in the tower of Gengei forever. Who's going to rescue her?!?!?! It just won't be the same if whoever George R.R. Martin thinks should rescue her, rescues her...or anybody else's opinion for that matter!!! Rawr.
Now I have even more incentive to get to heaven. Until I die, I will NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh*
*pout*
Okay, yes, SOMEONE is going to finish A Memory of Light, and they might even do an okay job...but it will still be like...Mercedes Lackey finishing the Lord of the Rings. Just not quite acceptable. Just not even close to the same. =(
In response to all of this wretched horribleness, all I can say to console myself is; GO BRETT FAVRE!!! KICK SOME ASS ROOKIE PACKERS!!!!
It's warm, but not too warm thank goodness. Adjusting to the humidity has so far been easier than expected. Phew!
I am sure everyone wants to know all about Texas and how things are going, but I really want to talk about football. lol
Okay, okay, it's going fine. Everything is fine. It's great to see my friends. We have been hanging out a lot and it's been really really good. Buuuttt...more on that later. hehe.
Did you SEE how my Seahawks squeaked out a win yesterday?!?! Okay, yes, it WAS "squeaked" but even so, they won. =) Happy Amanda.
Even BETTER, the PACKERS won too! Brett Favre and his little band of rookies are kicking so much more ass than anyone thought them capable of, and I am LOOOOVING it. Plus, he tied Dan Marino for the career touchdown pass record!!
Go him!!! =)
I love that guy!!
I love football season. =)
It's true, I do sometimes get a little too into it, and a little stressed out about it...but that's just because I love it so much. :p
So, in horrible and wretched news, I have to talk about my football goodness because it covers up my terrible feelings over the loss of James Rigney, aka Robert Jordan!! =(
He passed away on the 16th and I didn't even know until like five days later!!!! Where were my friends?!?! Why didn't they call me?!?! JOE! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!
I actually passed the dreaded news onto a couple of people myself.
Why, oh why, Lord God in Heaven, could he NOT have just finished that ONE. LAST. BOOK! before he left us?!?!?! Okay, okay, yes, I am sad for his wife Harriet, and his cousin, and all other family members...I am sad that his life was cut short. I really am. Even though he did not die in pain, and believed in God's timing...
Still...
Moiraine is now going to be trapped in the tower of Gengei forever. Who's going to rescue her?!?!?! It just won't be the same if whoever George R.R. Martin thinks should rescue her, rescues her...or anybody else's opinion for that matter!!! Rawr.
Now I have even more incentive to get to heaven. Until I die, I will NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh*
*pout*
Okay, yes, SOMEONE is going to finish A Memory of Light, and they might even do an okay job...but it will still be like...Mercedes Lackey finishing the Lord of the Rings. Just not quite acceptable. Just not even close to the same. =(
In response to all of this wretched horribleness, all I can say to console myself is; GO BRETT FAVRE!!! KICK SOME ASS ROOKIE PACKERS!!!!
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Go ahead Armadillo. Try to hide.
One more day.
To accomplish things in Washington that is.
I will be in Spokane on Wednesday, true, and I might accomplish a couple of things while I am there...but tomorrow is pretty much my last solid day for anything on the west side, and for most of those last minutes little details.
Today my car went to the shop. It was leaking oil like...and I quote..."the Exxon Valdez." Also my power steering pump was shot and spewing forth its contents to the four corners of my engine. You will be happy to know that not only are these things fixed, but that I now have some nifty new spark plugs and wiper blades, and freshly flushed coolant. =)
In Spokane I am going to buy a new set of tires (cheaper there) and then I will hopefully be set to go.
Okay, so today was a FABULOUS day. I hung out with my girls from Starbucks and it was so chill!! We took my friends jeep (LAAA!!!!!) and drove around Puget Sound. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Sun was out, but it wasn't too hot. After our nice drive and some time chilling at home, we went to Jimmy Mack's and had a drink. It was lovely.
Then, I went home and met Lance & Jeni and we went out to an awesome Italian dinner, complete with wine and creme brulee. The good conversation was the best part.
Of course, Jeni wanted to know who the guy was that I was moving to Texas for. haha. I assured her that I was NOT moving to Texas for a guy, as I don't know any guys who actually *live* in Texas. I don't think she was very convinced.
I have tried to assure my friends that I have no idea why I am moving to Texas, but Lance says that he thinks I am scheming. *shrug*
Time will tell. *wink wink*
In any case, today was fabulous. Despite the car issues, I have a lot of peace. I had an excellent day with friends, just relaxing and enjoying them. Those are the best kind of days in my opinion. Now I just have to get everything finished and make sure I am set to go.
Later taters!
To accomplish things in Washington that is.
I will be in Spokane on Wednesday, true, and I might accomplish a couple of things while I am there...but tomorrow is pretty much my last solid day for anything on the west side, and for most of those last minutes little details.
Today my car went to the shop. It was leaking oil like...and I quote..."the Exxon Valdez." Also my power steering pump was shot and spewing forth its contents to the four corners of my engine. You will be happy to know that not only are these things fixed, but that I now have some nifty new spark plugs and wiper blades, and freshly flushed coolant. =)
In Spokane I am going to buy a new set of tires (cheaper there) and then I will hopefully be set to go.
Okay, so today was a FABULOUS day. I hung out with my girls from Starbucks and it was so chill!! We took my friends jeep (LAAA!!!!!) and drove around Puget Sound. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Sun was out, but it wasn't too hot. After our nice drive and some time chilling at home, we went to Jimmy Mack's and had a drink. It was lovely.
Then, I went home and met Lance & Jeni and we went out to an awesome Italian dinner, complete with wine and creme brulee. The good conversation was the best part.
Of course, Jeni wanted to know who the guy was that I was moving to Texas for. haha. I assured her that I was NOT moving to Texas for a guy, as I don't know any guys who actually *live* in Texas. I don't think she was very convinced.
I have tried to assure my friends that I have no idea why I am moving to Texas, but Lance says that he thinks I am scheming. *shrug*
Time will tell. *wink wink*
In any case, today was fabulous. Despite the car issues, I have a lot of peace. I had an excellent day with friends, just relaxing and enjoying them. Those are the best kind of days in my opinion. Now I just have to get everything finished and make sure I am set to go.
Later taters!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Yee Haw!
So, this past week I worked several twelve hour days, and after that went home to pack, sort, and clean out my apartment. My lease was up on Friday.
By the grace of God, and two awesome friends named Brittany and DaLona, I managed to get out of there in time....barely.
Of course, that wasn't without a great deal of hard work and sleep deprivation. I have been a bit zombie-ish of late. This morning I slept in for a long time, and even after I woke up I just laid around and let my mind wander.
It was nice to have some quiet time with my thoughts. =)
It's 4:30 on Sunday and I need to go dig some things out of my car and sort through them, but I really don't want to. My car is currently loaded up with nearly everything I kept from my apartment. It's like I am driving my house around. hahaha. I am staying with my friends that I used to live with until I fly to San Antonio on Saturday (the 8th). I return to Washington on the 11th. If everything goes well while I am there, then I will just turn around and drive back down. Terrifying?? Pretty much.
A couple of days ago I talked to Mary, my friend Daniel's mom, and it made me soooo glad!!! She told me that the guest room was all ready for me, but that she is not cleaning the house because I am family!! lol! She also told me that when I get there I better just make myself at home because I am family!!! =)I was feeling the love!
She told me there are a lot of great churches to choose from nearby, and that she said to her family; "Maybe it takes Amanda moving here to get us to go to church once in awhile!"
Talking to her was great and made me more excited to visit, and less scared to move.
For those of you who are asking yourselves; Why on EARTH is Amanda moving to Texas, I assure you, not even Amanda is completely sure of the answer to that question. hehe. In any case, I am hopeful for the future even if it is frightening. ;)
It's hard enough to move 2000 miles away from the state and weather one loves, so keep your snarky comments to yourself. lol!
Well, there's an update, if a not very exciting one. I'll try to write again before I fly away on Saturday. I'm not promising anything!
=)
**Currently listening to: Anberlin:Never Take Friendship Personal**
By the grace of God, and two awesome friends named Brittany and DaLona, I managed to get out of there in time....barely.
Of course, that wasn't without a great deal of hard work and sleep deprivation. I have been a bit zombie-ish of late. This morning I slept in for a long time, and even after I woke up I just laid around and let my mind wander.
It was nice to have some quiet time with my thoughts. =)
It's 4:30 on Sunday and I need to go dig some things out of my car and sort through them, but I really don't want to. My car is currently loaded up with nearly everything I kept from my apartment. It's like I am driving my house around. hahaha. I am staying with my friends that I used to live with until I fly to San Antonio on Saturday (the 8th). I return to Washington on the 11th. If everything goes well while I am there, then I will just turn around and drive back down. Terrifying?? Pretty much.
A couple of days ago I talked to Mary, my friend Daniel's mom, and it made me soooo glad!!! She told me that the guest room was all ready for me, but that she is not cleaning the house because I am family!! lol! She also told me that when I get there I better just make myself at home because I am family!!! =)I was feeling the love!
She told me there are a lot of great churches to choose from nearby, and that she said to her family; "Maybe it takes Amanda moving here to get us to go to church once in awhile!"
Talking to her was great and made me more excited to visit, and less scared to move.
For those of you who are asking yourselves; Why on EARTH is Amanda moving to Texas, I assure you, not even Amanda is completely sure of the answer to that question. hehe. In any case, I am hopeful for the future even if it is frightening. ;)
It's hard enough to move 2000 miles away from the state and weather one loves, so keep your snarky comments to yourself. lol!
Well, there's an update, if a not very exciting one. I'll try to write again before I fly away on Saturday. I'm not promising anything!
=)
**Currently listening to: Anberlin:Never Take Friendship Personal**
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
