International Mindset

The other day when I was picking up some paperwork for World Vision, I had a chance to sit and talk to the HR gal.
This is a really long version of what I told her.

This whole thing is weird.
My DTS was eight long years ago.
My time in India is now far far away.

When you come home from something like that, you are changed. You are no longer the same blind little American.
I am not picking on Americans either. Europeans might stick their noses up at us for not knowing five languages, but it's different, let's face it.
If you are a European, you take a long walk and you are in another country. If you take French in school, you will most likely have many opportunities to use it.
Here, not so.
Most students are required to take a foreign language in high school, and that is not even talking about college level. If you take Spanish there is a slightly larger chance you might get to use it, or if you take Russian and happen to live in a large russian community. So many Americans however, may have foreign neighbors, but the neighbors really want to practice their English, or they never speak their native language. That's just the way it is. The languages they started using, they really have no need for unless they go into some graduate program or travel for work or something. It just makes sense why a lot of Americans only speak English and I definitely don't think it is because we are proud or stuck up. Like anyone in any other country, most americans just want to have a decent job, feed their family, and live in peace. They may be ignorant of the outside world, except for bits they read on the news, but they also have lives that keep them busy.
Okay, I totally digress.....
International mindedness. So, you go overseas, and you play with dirty naked children who want you to teach them how to write their name. You feed them, you go to leper camps, you see a lot of orphans, you talk about AIDS (not the same way you talk about it here).
...You get changed.

Suddenly, when you come home, everything is different. Grocery stores are these massive unbelievable wonderlands. Everything smells different.
It is hard to adjust.
Even though you love your friends, and you love your family, and you are so glad to be home, and not to eat any more curry for awhile, you still have a hard time. Maybe you don't realize it at first in the joy of reconnecting with people. Eventually though, it creeps up.
This is what happened to me.
And then I could never be satisified.
In short, I was ruined for an ordinary life.
Whatever that is.

Eventually I went back to YWAM. That was good. I learned things there, important and practical things. I was among people who were just as messed up as me.
But then I had to go home.
I didn't want to go, but it was time, and there was no more money.

So I spent four long years at home becoming more miserable, and praying to a God that I thought might not be listening. I strove to become normal, and desire to settle down into the perfect little American life. I thought I had almost achieved it.
Once again, I gave up what I thought I wanted. I gave up most hopes of ever going overseas again. I realized that might never happen.
I stopped hanging around most YWAMers I knew, as they now spoke a language I could no longer understand, or bear to listen to.
I buried myself in teaching Bible study, and being involved in church again. I tried to forget, and in many ways, succeeded.

This all leads to now.
Here I am.
I just got this job at World Vision. What are they if not Internationally minded? What do you do if not talk everyday about the state of the world and those in poverty?
I told this woman, that it seemed very odd to be here now, after all this time. Surely this can't be what God has for me? I mean, I am not here anymore am I? I can't really make any small difference in the world can I?
So I think about going there, and I think about famines and disasters like earthquakes and tsunami's that will inevitably happen, and I will inevitably talk to people on the phone about them, and the needs there are, and what's happening. I will know. I won't just be sitting at home watching it on the news. I will be forced to see and hear.
I have laid aside so many things in my life, and now I find myself in this strange place, where I know my heart is going to be broken.
Possibly in a good way, but painful nevertheless.
I know that working there, it cannot be avoided.

It astounds me really. Maybe I should be thinking about the mysteries of God, and the different chapters He takes us through, but honestly more than anything I think I am a little disgruntled; asking Him if he really wants me to give myself to this. Hmm.
So there is that.

On another side of this topic, I have been reading a lot of international blogs lately, which is something I used to do, and I am thinking about making some changes to my blog, which I will get into at a later time. For now, I may be adding a couple of new blog links, so just thought I would give you a heads up.

More on this later....