Phone Call From a Friend

Yesterday I was taking a nap in the late afternoon when my friend David called. I didn't answer. I was sleeping! Even so, I heard the phone and knew that maybe I should get up. I didn't need to be sleeping anymore, but that is what I felt like doing.
It's just been a couple of those days.
I can't deal, so I sleep. This is just what I do when I feel overwhelmed or depressed.

Of course, David is three hours ahead, so by the time I thought about calling him back it was getting late there. That was ok. I didn't feel like talking anyway. I felt anti-social.

So early this afternoon I was taking a nap again( see above reasons). My phone rang, again. I knew it was David before I looked at my phone. I thought about not getting up. I thought about going back to sleep. I didn't though. I got up and talked to David.
We always have good talks. It's not that or anything...I just didn't really feel like talking to anybody.
So David asked how I was doing, and we kind of caught up on things.
He is a few years younger than I, but we come from a similar charismatic church background, and randomly became friends while working at Starbucks in Spokane (where we both then lived).
So anyway, the conversation turned to God, as it is sometimes wont to do.

It's interesting talking to David about God, since when we met we were both at this very disgruntled-at-church type of place, and now we are both talking about wanting to try out a church here or there. It's also really good though, as evidenced by today's conversation.
We were talking about work, and some of our issues with that. Well, that, and other issues there are with being a grown-up and looking out for ones self. I got a little emotional, which I was not planning on doing, and it surprised me, and then David said something surprising about prayer. If David and I talk about prayer, it is usually something to do with a) the things we want to work out in life that haven't, b) yelling at God, c) God seeming not to listen, or d) all of the above.
Today's comment therefore, seemed a little random.
David suggested that I pray a prayer he has been praying for himself lately. Basically that is just, that God would reveal to me how much he loves me. Fairly simple right?
Right.
So later after we had gotten off the phone, I was sitting in the living room, listening to some music, and I felt pretty upset. I mean, David really had a point. A lot of my issues, (and probably not only mine) stem from the fact that I feel completely abandoned and unloved. This is, of course, completely ridiculous, considering how many freaking amazing friends I have, that keep coming back despite my emotional meltdowns splattering all over them! My family, also, love me tremendously, and I know it, whether it is a feeling I carry around or not.
So what gives?
Maybe this is just one of those moments where I realize how much I need God. *shrug*

In any case, I was sitting there thinking about this other friend I have been praying for, and asking myself whether or not I am really praying something for my friend that I myself do not get. Wouldn't be the first time. Even so, kind of distressing.
So I decided I would pray David's little prayer. Obviously I need to...a lot.
I didn't think it would be as hard to form the words. In fact, I sat there for a really long time staring out the window. I prayed for a few other things, and listened to a few songs before I could muster it up. Maybe it's amazing that I did it today at all.
Of course, nothing was instantly better. It just doesn't work that way.

I thought back on some times in the past though, and I found myself asking God, "Do You remember this?" Do you remember when I had this much faith? When you said no to this, but that was ok with me? When the whole world was open before me and I had hope for it? Before I was bitter? These prayers I prayed? These things I heard You say??
sigh.
It made me cry a little. Okay, maybe more than a little.
Somehow it got me to the prayer I needed to say though, so I guess that was good.

After everything, I decided that maybe it was good that I got up and talked to David after all. The evening has been much more productive than sleep would have brought anyway. Maybe I just needed that little connection, that little reminder. I don't know. God knows though, and despite the fact that I sometimes forget, or fail to notice, He does actually allow these occurances now and then. ;)

That's pretty much all I have to say tonight. I have to open in the morning, which means it is bedtime. I hope you all have a lovely Wednesday.
Bless yas.