I am one of them! I have crossed over! I am a lame well wisher!!!
GRRRRR!!!! I hate it when I am really hurting, or talking about my pain, and somebody who thinks they are my friend, decides to randomly relate to me, and try to encourage me. Okay, okay, you bloggers can be excluded ok. I mean, here we are, a nameless, faceless, society. You know, if you say something that I don't like, I can weigh it, and decide if the heart is in the right place, and then put it on the shelf ya know?? I might give a little "grrr" but I will get over it. Essentially this is what we do here right? We all kind of bitch about life, and then feel free to make comments about each others bitching?
I guess that when its people I know, or used to know, I just feel like my space is being invaded. Isn't that weird? I know, it so is.
It's just that...you people online...yeah, we might become friends, like Joe and Sandy and me for example...and you might have a real avenue to speak into my life, or you might grow on me, like Lara and Jill, but you aren't here. Judging me, trying to make me feel better. Wanting me to put on a happy face, so that you don't have to deal with my pain. That makes me crazy!
Okay, okay, not everyone wants that. Some people are very genuine, I just hate lame antecdotes.
So, tonight I emailed my friend, and I didn't give them any lame antecdotes. I just told them that I know about pain, the kind that rips your heart out and leaves you bleeding, and I like people who can just let me be there, and not try to fix it, and not expect me to say anything deep in return.
It sounds fine right? Something I would appreciate! The problem is, I haven't spoken to this person in years. So...is it going to be something they are going to appreciate?! I am now starting to be afraid not, and feeling like a lame commenter, trying to make my friend feel better, when I can't.
I hate that. If I was there...maybe I could just sit with my friend, and let them hurt, but still be there, or maybe I could help them out somehow, you know, by doing something practical for them when they wanted to lay on the floor in a heap...but I am not there. I am far far away....and maybe they wouldn't want me there anyway!!!! So I just pray, and hurt, and cry over my friend. I guess that is the best thing I can do after all, but I don't always like it.
So there you have it, my confession.
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3 comments:
i think for me there's a difference between wishing someone well (and telling them so) and making them feel like they *should* feel well. i think it's very annoying when someone invalidates my feelings, but when people are genuinely hoping i'll feel better, i appreciate their thoughts. maybe that's just me, though.
i think your friend will understand your intentions and appreciate. :)
oh, and i'm glad i'm growing on you. ;)
Over the last year or so I've had some serious times that call for serious well-wishing mixed with concern mixed with plain-old support from folk. It was hard for me to accept at times, but in the long run it built to being good. Feeling supported was nice. I don't know your friend's situation, but my recently-developed opinion is that everybody needs regular assurance they're loved...now if I would just get better about sharing the love...
(loves, kid)
You sound like a friend I wish I had. You have a sense of duty, or put in a warmer way, a sense of loyalty to your friend. I respect that. Hey - thanks for your recent comments on my blog. :)
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