House

Well, I haven't written in awhile and it's sort of been bugging me. Last week I was really sick and not on the computer at all. In fact, I didn't do much of anything except lie around and be sick. This week I've just been doing other things but I keep thinking..Man, I need to update. Not that there's really much to report anyway.
This weekend I am going to Seattle area with some friends who are moving. They needed somebody to drive over one of their vehicles. I am excited and not. It will be a nice drive, and good to hang out with my friend who, after all, will be living on the other side of the state. Even so, I know we are going to spend most of the weekend (and Mon/Tues) hanging out with their family, and other friends, and I am a little concerned about the amount of enthusiasm. I just don't have much, and having to deal with people who ooze with all things positive is sometimes a drain on me. Does that sound terrible? Well, you know how some people just have no troubles in life, and are constantly peppy and if you aren't then they want to preach at you the good news, and how life is oh so fabulous?! Man, that drives me so crazy. I hope I am never that person. lol. I just want to be normal and chill ya know?
So that's that.
In other non-important news...I am completely addicted to the t.v. show House. I absolutely love Hugh Laurie. Something about those british men??.... Anyway, I have always liked the show, but it has become my absolute favorite. It is interesting and intelligently written. Plus, The sarcastic Dr. House just cracks me up, makes me feel compassionate, and causes me to cringe all at the same time with some of the things he says. Fabulous team of lackeys. Great female supervisor. It's just a damn good show. =) I needed to share that!
Completely unrelated, and yet, strangely similar is that I also really like Simon Cowell..(is that how his name is spelled? brain freeze.) Yeah, sometimes he totally crosses the line, but underneath I think he is just very genuine. I just love the guy. It's weird...what can I say? =)

Well, with that little bit of information I think I am going to retire. I am wide awake and have nothing better to do, so I am thinking about whipping out some Buffy episodes. Nighty night.

Identity.

Last night I write this fabulous entry, but then I had a computer problem and I lost it. Grrr. So I thought I would rewrite it this morning. Earlier however, I ate some quiche and it has not been agreeing with me. I don't know why I even try to eat quiche, since it usually doesn't agree with me. Will I ever learn?! Anyway, I've been putting this off, but I am going to give it a try now.

My friend has been harassing me to start up a myspace account, so I thought I finally would. Last night I was kind of messing with that. There's a whole group of people who I knew from working with YWAM. Yesterday I was just thinking a little bit about identity, and reading profiles of a couple of my friends and whatnot, just brought some things home.
For example, I sometimes feel like I lead a dual life. I have my little journal, and my couple of friends that I email and I can vent to them...they don't have to deal with me personally, so it is easier for them to be objective.
Of course, some of my friends at home...they know all of my past mistakes, etc. It's a little bit more difficult to explain myself sometimes, without them seeing everything that has gone before, or without my feeling like they do.
You know when you make a decision to to do something different in your life...try to do something good...get out of debt or whatever, and you have already tried and failed at this course before? So now, you already have your own doubt that you have to battle, and now you have to battle the doubt of the people around you as well. I hate that. If the people around me are going to be all...We know what you should do...Here is *our* plan for you. We have the answers...and then show disdain when I decide to try another way.
No. I just can't deal with that. It pisses me off so much. I am an adult and free to make my own mistakes. I am okay with making my own mistakes you know?! If one thing doesn't work, what's wrong with trying another way? I just keep doing the best I can. I keep trying to do what's right. I keep trying to get things straightened out, and if I splat on my face I pick myself up and try try again. As far as I am concerned, that is the best thing I can do.

So anyway, sometimes I get tired of listening to other peoples opinions, and I just go hang out and journal, where noone can give me any crap. Apparently there is something about my personality that screams "please give me your opinion!!" haha.

Well, the point is, I just want to be myself and I am tired of caring so much what other people think about that. So I think I am annoying people with my attitude. heh. It's not that I still won't take advice from my close friends...I mean, of course there are people who can speak into my life no matter what. As far as everyone else goes though...they can think I am a jerk all they want!!! I am done with people pleasing!!! I am just going to be meeee nnooooowwwww!!!!!!!!!
Woo hooo!