However lame lamedy lame it might be....I LOVE this show. =)
It makes me all happy inside.
So here you go...
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Rawr. Thirteen Things that SUCK!!!
As I was getting ready to get my rant on, I remembered that it was Thursday and that I haven't done one of these things in a long time. So I thought; What the hell?
Here they are, 13 Things that suck.
1. Blind Faith. This stupid feeling in my gut or voice in my head, or whatever it is, that makes me "go this way," or "do the right thing" or whatever. While everyone else is off chasing after their pleasures and I am sitting here crying because this hurts and it sucks, and on top of it everyone thinks I am a freak. Nice.
2. Not being home with your family for Christmas because of stupid blind faith.
3. Being single. Highly overrated.
4. Getting out of the blue messages, on your dead sisters birthday, from her old friends whom you really do not want to comfort or talk to.
5. Taking new jobs that you don't love (even thought you are greatful for) because you have to pay the bills somehow!!
6. Stupid people who will not talk to you or return your messages for no apparently good reason except that they are LAME!!! ppplllllbbbbb!!!!
7. Old Flames.
8. Hormones that amplify the affect of everything you are already feeling and/or trying to bury, while at the same time negating everything you feel and/or are trying to bury by making other people think you are "simply hormonal."
9. All of the above things happening simultaneously.
10. Having absoultely no control over all of the above things, or seemingly of ones faith-lead life at all.
(Thanks Jill for catching my lameness! haha! Apparently I was ranting a little too much if you catch my drift!!!)
Originally I only posted ten things, rather than 13...
So...
11. Only posting ten things when you meant to post 13!!!!
12. The writers in Hollywood not getting paid what they deserve, so that the shows I love can continue to go on and give me some small comfort!!
13. Feeling stupid the day after my rants, even though I sometimes need to just get it all out!!
Being a Christian is not always full of daises and roses...but, ya know, such is life.
Anyway, there ya have it!!
Here they are, 13 Things that suck.
1. Blind Faith. This stupid feeling in my gut or voice in my head, or whatever it is, that makes me "go this way," or "do the right thing" or whatever. While everyone else is off chasing after their pleasures and I am sitting here crying because this hurts and it sucks, and on top of it everyone thinks I am a freak. Nice.
2. Not being home with your family for Christmas because of stupid blind faith.
3. Being single. Highly overrated.
4. Getting out of the blue messages, on your dead sisters birthday, from her old friends whom you really do not want to comfort or talk to.
5. Taking new jobs that you don't love (even thought you are greatful for) because you have to pay the bills somehow!!
6. Stupid people who will not talk to you or return your messages for no apparently good reason except that they are LAME!!! ppplllllbbbbb!!!!
7. Old Flames.
8. Hormones that amplify the affect of everything you are already feeling and/or trying to bury, while at the same time negating everything you feel and/or are trying to bury by making other people think you are "simply hormonal."
9. All of the above things happening simultaneously.
10. Having absoultely no control over all of the above things, or seemingly of ones faith-lead life at all.
(Thanks Jill for catching my lameness! haha! Apparently I was ranting a little too much if you catch my drift!!!)
Originally I only posted ten things, rather than 13...
So...
11. Only posting ten things when you meant to post 13!!!!
12. The writers in Hollywood not getting paid what they deserve, so that the shows I love can continue to go on and give me some small comfort!!
13. Feeling stupid the day after my rants, even though I sometimes need to just get it all out!!
Being a Christian is not always full of daises and roses...but, ya know, such is life.
Anyway, there ya have it!!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Things Come to Pass...
Yesterday someone I knew passed away.
One of my best friends, my big sister really...I mean, if it could be said that I have one...her father passed away. Many years ago he was the associate pastor at our church so I knew him well. Always friendly and full of life, he was a very well liked man.
I haven't seen he or his wife in some time, but I would get occassional reports from my friend. She lives very far from me, back home in Washington, and I am sorry that I am not there to give her a big hug.
Many of my good friends from the old days are scattered all over the place. I made a couple of phone calls to let people know the bad news.
One of the people I called is also an old roommate of mine. We met at work when I was 18. She knows the people who I live with now here in Texas. We go way back. Anyway, she asked me a couple of questions about them and different things. I don't know why, but it made me stop and think about being here. It made me think about what brought me here in the first place.
I haven't cried yet. I mean, I have been on the verge of tears for awhile, but they don't fall. I think the most sad thing for me, is just not being there with my friends. This is, unfortunately, how life goes sometimes.
I wouldn't say that I was incredibly close with this man, but since his family include some of my favorite people ever....well, you know. I generally spend Christmas Eve with the family. It's a three year running tradition, so this will be the first time I have missed it in awhile. It's ok. I mean, I am not sorry about being here, but there are definitely good and bad points.
I pray that one day I will be able to spend holidays with my family and friends in Washington, even if that means flying or driving long distances. I suppose I have been very lucky to have had so many good holidays with everyone so far.
I am listening to some gregorian chant Christmas carol and it is making me all mushy. heh. I love choirs. Love love love.
Work has been surprisingly good the past three days, which is a HUGE blessing, considering the difficulties I have had here, and the constant pain I carry around inside of me. The stress of work and finances does not help.
I have been blissfully numb in some ways. I mean, the things that are constantly on my mind have appeared somewhat less frequently. It was a break I needed. I know it can't last forever, but I am greatful for the respite.
Tonight I am going to do some praying though, which might cause everything to rise right up. It is just a consequence that I must pay.
God is good though and I am well in body and spirit, if just a little weary in the heart area.
It is well with my soul
One of my best friends, my big sister really...I mean, if it could be said that I have one...her father passed away. Many years ago he was the associate pastor at our church so I knew him well. Always friendly and full of life, he was a very well liked man.
I haven't seen he or his wife in some time, but I would get occassional reports from my friend. She lives very far from me, back home in Washington, and I am sorry that I am not there to give her a big hug.
Many of my good friends from the old days are scattered all over the place. I made a couple of phone calls to let people know the bad news.
One of the people I called is also an old roommate of mine. We met at work when I was 18. She knows the people who I live with now here in Texas. We go way back. Anyway, she asked me a couple of questions about them and different things. I don't know why, but it made me stop and think about being here. It made me think about what brought me here in the first place.
I haven't cried yet. I mean, I have been on the verge of tears for awhile, but they don't fall. I think the most sad thing for me, is just not being there with my friends. This is, unfortunately, how life goes sometimes.
I wouldn't say that I was incredibly close with this man, but since his family include some of my favorite people ever....well, you know. I generally spend Christmas Eve with the family. It's a three year running tradition, so this will be the first time I have missed it in awhile. It's ok. I mean, I am not sorry about being here, but there are definitely good and bad points.
I pray that one day I will be able to spend holidays with my family and friends in Washington, even if that means flying or driving long distances. I suppose I have been very lucky to have had so many good holidays with everyone so far.
I am listening to some gregorian chant Christmas carol and it is making me all mushy. heh. I love choirs. Love love love.
Work has been surprisingly good the past three days, which is a HUGE blessing, considering the difficulties I have had here, and the constant pain I carry around inside of me. The stress of work and finances does not help.
I have been blissfully numb in some ways. I mean, the things that are constantly on my mind have appeared somewhat less frequently. It was a break I needed. I know it can't last forever, but I am greatful for the respite.
Tonight I am going to do some praying though, which might cause everything to rise right up. It is just a consequence that I must pay.
God is good though and I am well in body and spirit, if just a little weary in the heart area.
It is well with my soul
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Way Things Are...
Whenever something political is in the news, so and so (somebody, maybe you, or your neighbor)is commenting on the bias of the media and how they always lean this way or that way. I have heard various critisisms of the New York Times for example, saying that they cater to a certain status of people and maybe they have been bought out.
Well, duh.
Everybody is in it for the money.
If I had enough money to get my opinion spread all around the globe, pertaining to world poverty, AIDS, and various other important social topics, don't you think I would do so?
So, where I was going with this is that I actually think the Writer's Strike is a sad commentary on this whole thing. A support of this fact if you will. It has only been minutely covered by the news, and I don't know about you, but I am pretty damn sure that has a lot to do with the networks that are behind the programs.
Even though I believe this to be the case, I still hold out hope that the spirit of journalism will prevail. As far as the internet is concerned, the WGA seems to be well represented, but in the news...pleh.
I guess the Networks don't want the public at large to know they are screwing the people that work for them.
Money hungry bastards.
In any case, as seems ironicly appropriate, I would not doubt that the thing they are unwilling to compromise on, the thing they swear will not last or give money to anyone (despite the fact that they are already rolling in it), will ultimately be
the thing that brings about their demise.
All hail the World Wide Web. =)
Go Writers!
Well, duh.
Everybody is in it for the money.
If I had enough money to get my opinion spread all around the globe, pertaining to world poverty, AIDS, and various other important social topics, don't you think I would do so?
So, where I was going with this is that I actually think the Writer's Strike is a sad commentary on this whole thing. A support of this fact if you will. It has only been minutely covered by the news, and I don't know about you, but I am pretty damn sure that has a lot to do with the networks that are behind the programs.
Even though I believe this to be the case, I still hold out hope that the spirit of journalism will prevail. As far as the internet is concerned, the WGA seems to be well represented, but in the news...pleh.
I guess the Networks don't want the public at large to know they are screwing the people that work for them.
Money hungry bastards.
In any case, as seems ironicly appropriate, I would not doubt that the thing they are unwilling to compromise on, the thing they swear will not last or give money to anyone (despite the fact that they are already rolling in it), will ultimately be
the thing that brings about their demise.
All hail the World Wide Web. =)
Go Writers!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Back to Basics
Today was a good day. Green Bay pretty much wiped the turf with the Vikings. A Packer's fan just can't be sad about that. :p
I live in a household of Dallas fans though...so in a couple of weeks when we go head to head, it is going to be very interesting.
In less exciting news, there haven't really been any positive changes here lately. On the other hand, my attitude about things has begun to sway, which is a good sign. I have realized that I really need to focus on the little things. What I mean by little things are; having a positive attitude at work no matter what, praying for my friends and coworkers, finding ways to bless my very gracious friends that are letting me stay with them. Maybe these things seem like no brainers, but sometimes we get very distracted by the big picture.
I had very specific ideas about the way things were going to go here in San Antonio, and it just hasn't even come CLOSE to what I pictured.
Not to sound all negative, I love my friends and spending time with them, plus reconnecting with others has been a huge blessing. I think this is a point I am reiterating here.
I notice I have been repeating myself a little in the last few posts.
In any case, last week somebody said something to me about "building the foundation," which I HATE hearing. Anything about "foundations" makes me think that I should hide in my room and read the bible for hours and hours each day and I am REALLY bad at that.
It was food for though though, and I am realizing some other areas of my life where some good things do need to be restored and built up. So...gonna work on that.
I had a few days off this week and I go back early in the morning so this will be the first test of whether or not I can have a better attitude. Go me!
Don't get me wrong, I get along with everyone just fine, but my patience is on edge at least half of the time, and I find myself wanting to lose patience even with my customers, which is generally not like me. I feel sick of people and their whiney complaining.
Truth is however, those are a small portion of the people we deal with on a regular basis. I have always been pretty good about brushing them off....just not since I have been in San Antonio.
We'll see how it goes.
In general I can't shake this odd feeling anytime I am outside of this household, that I just don't quite click here. Like...maybe I don't belong, and I definitely do not like people as much as in Washington which genuinely surprises me. Most likely I just haven't given it enough of a chance. I am certainly going to hang in here.
Well, that is the update for this fabulous Sunday evening.
More to come...eventually! ;P
I live in a household of Dallas fans though...so in a couple of weeks when we go head to head, it is going to be very interesting.
In less exciting news, there haven't really been any positive changes here lately. On the other hand, my attitude about things has begun to sway, which is a good sign. I have realized that I really need to focus on the little things. What I mean by little things are; having a positive attitude at work no matter what, praying for my friends and coworkers, finding ways to bless my very gracious friends that are letting me stay with them. Maybe these things seem like no brainers, but sometimes we get very distracted by the big picture.
I had very specific ideas about the way things were going to go here in San Antonio, and it just hasn't even come CLOSE to what I pictured.
Not to sound all negative, I love my friends and spending time with them, plus reconnecting with others has been a huge blessing. I think this is a point I am reiterating here.
I notice I have been repeating myself a little in the last few posts.
In any case, last week somebody said something to me about "building the foundation," which I HATE hearing. Anything about "foundations" makes me think that I should hide in my room and read the bible for hours and hours each day and I am REALLY bad at that.
It was food for though though, and I am realizing some other areas of my life where some good things do need to be restored and built up. So...gonna work on that.
I had a few days off this week and I go back early in the morning so this will be the first test of whether or not I can have a better attitude. Go me!
Don't get me wrong, I get along with everyone just fine, but my patience is on edge at least half of the time, and I find myself wanting to lose patience even with my customers, which is generally not like me. I feel sick of people and their whiney complaining.
Truth is however, those are a small portion of the people we deal with on a regular basis. I have always been pretty good about brushing them off....just not since I have been in San Antonio.
We'll see how it goes.
In general I can't shake this odd feeling anytime I am outside of this household, that I just don't quite click here. Like...maybe I don't belong, and I definitely do not like people as much as in Washington which genuinely surprises me. Most likely I just haven't given it enough of a chance. I am certainly going to hang in here.
Well, that is the update for this fabulous Sunday evening.
More to come...eventually! ;P
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
More on the writer's strike...
I found this insightful video on youtube, reguarding the writer's strike. Of course, it's full of things I personally already knew, but hopefully someone who reads this blog will find it helpful. In case there was any doubt as to my being 100% behind the WGA, let me just say that I wish I was in L.A. so I could drop off some donuts and tasty beverages. =)
Something else, just for sheer amusement value...
Something else, just for sheer amusement value...
Monday, November 05, 2007
Writers Strike, etc.
Yesterday I was reading a lot of very insightful information on this website: www.unitedhollywood.com
As you know if you read this blog much at all, I was interested in screenwriting for awhile. Actually, writing specifically for tv, mostly. I think it would rock. I have a few favorite writers, among those the oft mentioned Joss Whedon, and also Jane Espenson, who is linked on the side of this page.
Anyway, I definitely hope the writers get what they deserve.
I think it is pretty sad that they have to fight so hard for what they already deserve. Without them, we would never have the shows we love in the first place.
I wish I lived in New York or L.A. as I would so join them on the picket lines to show my support.
Today I have been doing the job search once again. Oh, and did I mention when I blogged last that I had checked out that church?? I really liked it.
Anyway, things are made difficult by this wretched sense of waiting. Like when you are teaching your dog manners before giving them a treat. "Waaaiiiit...wait for it.....okay now!" Except, I am still waiting for the "okay now" part.
I had a wonderful email from my friend Beth this morning. She is in Philadelphia working with Teach for America. We have been having some great dialogue...interesting comparison of cities.
I think we have taken for granted that the rest of the country is like the west. In fact, it is QUITE different.
I come from Washington...the land of "green." I do mean that in more than one way, but let's focus on the environment if you will. Not even the hard core environmental issues, but just the seemingly simple things like...recycling paper and not using styrafoam? Yeah, Texas....waaaay behind in that class. :p Not to mention the litterers!!! Good Lord!
Of course, Seattle is listed as one of the most educated cities in the nation, and my friend who works in Corpus reminded me that a lot of people here are poorly educated. Those who lack education tend to care less about environmental issues and the like, because they don't really know why they should care, and also because they often lack the financial means to get things started, or to buy more expensive "green" products.
Tis true, 'tis true.
Also, Beth told me that people in Philadelphia know of Seattle. It is recognized as the home of Starbucks, and generally thought to be somewhere in the Midwest!
:p
Interesting information.
I myself am a college dropout who barely got through high school and that astounds me. I don't consider myself to be a well educated person and even so....Wow.
Goodness. This is two posts right in a row! What in the world is going on! Jill, Lara, try not to have a heart attack! :p
As you know if you read this blog much at all, I was interested in screenwriting for awhile. Actually, writing specifically for tv, mostly. I think it would rock. I have a few favorite writers, among those the oft mentioned Joss Whedon, and also Jane Espenson, who is linked on the side of this page.
Anyway, I definitely hope the writers get what they deserve.
I think it is pretty sad that they have to fight so hard for what they already deserve. Without them, we would never have the shows we love in the first place.
I wish I lived in New York or L.A. as I would so join them on the picket lines to show my support.
Today I have been doing the job search once again. Oh, and did I mention when I blogged last that I had checked out that church?? I really liked it.
Anyway, things are made difficult by this wretched sense of waiting. Like when you are teaching your dog manners before giving them a treat. "Waaaiiiit...wait for it.....okay now!" Except, I am still waiting for the "okay now" part.
I had a wonderful email from my friend Beth this morning. She is in Philadelphia working with Teach for America. We have been having some great dialogue...interesting comparison of cities.
I think we have taken for granted that the rest of the country is like the west. In fact, it is QUITE different.
I come from Washington...the land of "green." I do mean that in more than one way, but let's focus on the environment if you will. Not even the hard core environmental issues, but just the seemingly simple things like...recycling paper and not using styrafoam? Yeah, Texas....waaaay behind in that class. :p Not to mention the litterers!!! Good Lord!
Of course, Seattle is listed as one of the most educated cities in the nation, and my friend who works in Corpus reminded me that a lot of people here are poorly educated. Those who lack education tend to care less about environmental issues and the like, because they don't really know why they should care, and also because they often lack the financial means to get things started, or to buy more expensive "green" products.
Tis true, 'tis true.
Also, Beth told me that people in Philadelphia know of Seattle. It is recognized as the home of Starbucks, and generally thought to be somewhere in the Midwest!
:p
Interesting information.
I myself am a college dropout who barely got through high school and that astounds me. I don't consider myself to be a well educated person and even so....Wow.
Goodness. This is two posts right in a row! What in the world is going on! Jill, Lara, try not to have a heart attack! :p
Saturday, November 03, 2007
My Other Life
I am a wretched blogger. Sometimes I have massive blogging phases, but let's face it, overall I suck.
I feel like all I do is complain, so since things have been rather stressful I have wanted to blog even less, afraid that it will end up sounding like a big bitch fest. What I ought to do is to make myself think of something everyday to be greatful for, and then I can blog that. I probably won't do it often, but it's a nice thought. :p
So today I checked out a new church and it was pretty cool. I am still a bit wary of church in general, but so far these guys sound really cool, and the worship was great which is a serious bonus. All of the other stuff I can do on my own at home...it's the big communal worship service I miss most.
I had a chance recently to see an old friend who I had not spoken to in five or six years. We lost touch. She now has a large family. They have also been through their own things with the church, but have managed to come through better for it. It was good to see her and her husband and family, and know that they are doing well.
Hooking up with old friends has definitely been a benefit of being here.
Lately when I am going to bed, turning off my light and praying as I lay down, the world seems to change on me. I feel as if my life is not my own. Maybe none of our lives are actually our own, but you know what I mean....you usually don't think about it that much. As soon as I can sit here and things are quiet, stuff that has been hidden throughout the day, appears suddenly before me. Now I don't mean like...all of my issues suddenly come out at night or anything like that. I am fully aware of lifes stress allll day long. :p
This is different. I start to pray and I just find these things stirring up within me. Like, I guess just having faith to pray for people and things that don't seem very hopeful on the outside. On the inside, what I feel is a completely different matter. It's as if I am part of some great idea. It feels like it is important RIGHT NOW.
Not to say that I ever thought prayer did not matter....but this is a little different than most of my prayer time. It feels like...something is going on right now, and I can be a part of it, if I will. *shrug*
In any case, I find myself praying very random things.
As usual, I cannot help but wonder at the future. As I sit here, making plans, starting to attend a new church, and meeting a potential new roommate, I find myself in a strange place. Feeling as if there is a big PAUSE button on my life right now and I am just WAITING for something. What it is, I do not know, it's just this strange feeling I have. Not always comfortable, but usually able to be ignored. I find it odd though, as my every intention was to come and get all settled in. I have peace with this city, although there are definitely a few things that make me crazy...(more on that later)!
Then again, I still love western Washington and thought I would stay there forever. hehehe.
What can I say?!
I don't live the same life as other people.
Of course, sometimes I desperately want to. :p
In the end, I suppose I would have gotten desperately bored in someone else's life. The Lord keeps moving me, keeps challenging me...
Even when I somtimes feel like I am the same stinky 19 year old I started out being, I know that I am not. Even when I feel like I complain too much and am ungreatful, I also know that hard times have taught me what it is to be greatful. I can look inside myself now and know what I am sincere or insincere.
Yup.
Life is about learning I guess. Constantly learning.
Well, that's all the rambling Amanda has in her tonight.
Goodnight my friends in the blogosphere.
I feel like all I do is complain, so since things have been rather stressful I have wanted to blog even less, afraid that it will end up sounding like a big bitch fest. What I ought to do is to make myself think of something everyday to be greatful for, and then I can blog that. I probably won't do it often, but it's a nice thought. :p
So today I checked out a new church and it was pretty cool. I am still a bit wary of church in general, but so far these guys sound really cool, and the worship was great which is a serious bonus. All of the other stuff I can do on my own at home...it's the big communal worship service I miss most.
I had a chance recently to see an old friend who I had not spoken to in five or six years. We lost touch. She now has a large family. They have also been through their own things with the church, but have managed to come through better for it. It was good to see her and her husband and family, and know that they are doing well.
Hooking up with old friends has definitely been a benefit of being here.
Lately when I am going to bed, turning off my light and praying as I lay down, the world seems to change on me. I feel as if my life is not my own. Maybe none of our lives are actually our own, but you know what I mean....you usually don't think about it that much. As soon as I can sit here and things are quiet, stuff that has been hidden throughout the day, appears suddenly before me. Now I don't mean like...all of my issues suddenly come out at night or anything like that. I am fully aware of lifes stress allll day long. :p
This is different. I start to pray and I just find these things stirring up within me. Like, I guess just having faith to pray for people and things that don't seem very hopeful on the outside. On the inside, what I feel is a completely different matter. It's as if I am part of some great idea. It feels like it is important RIGHT NOW.
Not to say that I ever thought prayer did not matter....but this is a little different than most of my prayer time. It feels like...something is going on right now, and I can be a part of it, if I will. *shrug*
In any case, I find myself praying very random things.
As usual, I cannot help but wonder at the future. As I sit here, making plans, starting to attend a new church, and meeting a potential new roommate, I find myself in a strange place. Feeling as if there is a big PAUSE button on my life right now and I am just WAITING for something. What it is, I do not know, it's just this strange feeling I have. Not always comfortable, but usually able to be ignored. I find it odd though, as my every intention was to come and get all settled in. I have peace with this city, although there are definitely a few things that make me crazy...(more on that later)!
Then again, I still love western Washington and thought I would stay there forever. hehehe.
What can I say?!
I don't live the same life as other people.
Of course, sometimes I desperately want to. :p
In the end, I suppose I would have gotten desperately bored in someone else's life. The Lord keeps moving me, keeps challenging me...
Even when I somtimes feel like I am the same stinky 19 year old I started out being, I know that I am not. Even when I feel like I complain too much and am ungreatful, I also know that hard times have taught me what it is to be greatful. I can look inside myself now and know what I am sincere or insincere.
Yup.
Life is about learning I guess. Constantly learning.
Well, that's all the rambling Amanda has in her tonight.
Goodnight my friends in the blogosphere.
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