My Other Life

I am a wretched blogger. Sometimes I have massive blogging phases, but let's face it, overall I suck.
I feel like all I do is complain, so since things have been rather stressful I have wanted to blog even less, afraid that it will end up sounding like a big bitch fest. What I ought to do is to make myself think of something everyday to be greatful for, and then I can blog that. I probably won't do it often, but it's a nice thought. :p
So today I checked out a new church and it was pretty cool. I am still a bit wary of church in general, but so far these guys sound really cool, and the worship was great which is a serious bonus. All of the other stuff I can do on my own at home...it's the big communal worship service I miss most.

I had a chance recently to see an old friend who I had not spoken to in five or six years. We lost touch. She now has a large family. They have also been through their own things with the church, but have managed to come through better for it. It was good to see her and her husband and family, and know that they are doing well.
Hooking up with old friends has definitely been a benefit of being here.

Lately when I am going to bed, turning off my light and praying as I lay down, the world seems to change on me. I feel as if my life is not my own. Maybe none of our lives are actually our own, but you know what I mean....you usually don't think about it that much. As soon as I can sit here and things are quiet, stuff that has been hidden throughout the day, appears suddenly before me. Now I don't mean like...all of my issues suddenly come out at night or anything like that. I am fully aware of lifes stress allll day long. :p
This is different. I start to pray and I just find these things stirring up within me. Like, I guess just having faith to pray for people and things that don't seem very hopeful on the outside. On the inside, what I feel is a completely different matter. It's as if I am part of some great idea. It feels like it is important RIGHT NOW.
Not to say that I ever thought prayer did not matter....but this is a little different than most of my prayer time. It feels like...something is going on right now, and I can be a part of it, if I will. *shrug*
In any case, I find myself praying very random things.

As usual, I cannot help but wonder at the future. As I sit here, making plans, starting to attend a new church, and meeting a potential new roommate, I find myself in a strange place. Feeling as if there is a big PAUSE button on my life right now and I am just WAITING for something. What it is, I do not know, it's just this strange feeling I have. Not always comfortable, but usually able to be ignored. I find it odd though, as my every intention was to come and get all settled in. I have peace with this city, although there are definitely a few things that make me crazy...(more on that later)!
Then again, I still love western Washington and thought I would stay there forever. hehehe.
What can I say?!
I don't live the same life as other people.
Of course, sometimes I desperately want to. :p
In the end, I suppose I would have gotten desperately bored in someone else's life. The Lord keeps moving me, keeps challenging me...
Even when I somtimes feel like I am the same stinky 19 year old I started out being, I know that I am not. Even when I feel like I complain too much and am ungreatful, I also know that hard times have taught me what it is to be greatful. I can look inside myself now and know what I am sincere or insincere.
Yup.
Life is about learning I guess. Constantly learning.

Well, that's all the rambling Amanda has in her tonight.
Goodnight my friends in the blogosphere.