Oh Humanity. Sometimes I loathe You.

I'm bored.
Okay, so I worked early this morning and drank waaaay too many shots of espresso. It made things a little bit more entertaining though. Unfortunately since I worked early, I also got off early. Which means of course, that I had a whole lot of today left to find something to do. There just wasn't really anything to do.
I am attempting to hide in my house so that I don't have to spend money on anything, including gas, since I can barely even pay my rent.
So, sometime early this afternoon I attempted to take a nice long nap. I even dozed off for around 20 minutes, but then something happened to wake me up and I just laid there thinking about things I didn't need to think about.
I should have gotten up right then and sent somebody an email, or made a phone call to someone far away, but did I?? Nope.
I just laid there and kept thinking.
My brain wandered into territories best left unexplored.
It contemplated things that are far from happening.
I got a little frustrated at my lack of patience in certain areas of life.

I also thought about an old friend, who now has six children. Count them S-I-X.
She and I have not spoken for a long time and she has been chasing a herd of rugrats for those years, while I have become more of a hermit and enjoyed my individuality way too much. I was recently presented with her long missing email and I wrote to her, but I wonder if I will even be able to relate anymore. Most of my friends are married and lots have kids...just not that many. lol. I do fine playing with families, it's just a bit out of my sphere. I sometimes feel like a big dumb alien. Like, I don't quite get it. I was held back a grade or five.
:p
Luckily, I do like children, even if I am undecided on having any.

I let my brain wander into the realm of old relationships, which again was best left in that dark, musty corner it inhabits in my memories.
It gets me into trouble when I dig it out. All those dust particles and things make a heck of a mess all over Amanda's tender pshyche...Or however you spell that word.

I've come to realize that I am quite possibly insane.
I am of of those crazy people that show up on television dramas. The ones who have left reality far behind and live in some universe of their own making.
I ponder things in my life that other people have entirely moved on from.
I hope for things that seem completely illogical, and yet I cannot help myself.
Quite possibly it is more appropriate to say that I am just a damn fool.
When all is well I create ways to get my heart broken.
For some reason I just can't get my heart broken in normal up-to-date ways like everyone else. Oh no, I have to get creative. :p

Ahh, who knows.
There is a God, and He randomly created this foolish girl named Amanda. So, maybe in some unexpected divine intervention, I will get what I hope for.
Otherwise I have at least been blessed with tremendous adventures and friends along my way.
I should write a book about that. heh.