Another Late Night

I can't really write everything that is on my mind this time. It isn't even really because I don't want to. I just have to sit on it for the time being. Perhaps later it will be okay.
Notice how I have started to say "really" a lot. I must "really" like that word. I also use "haha," "hehe," and "lol," WAY too much, especially in email. Why do I do this? I don't know, but today I thought about asking my friend Joe to throw something at me everytime he notices. I suppose since he is not close enough to throw anything, that effort would be wasted, but it was a thought. I could ask my friend Jan to throw something, but she wouldn't. Who else can I count on? I am just going to hope that it annoys me enough to stop it.
It does annoy me, but I am so used to doing it, that I have stopped noticing. I only notice it when I go back and re-read.
I feel like I am dumbing down in some ways, and that really bothers me.

The other day I said something really bratty to my sister. Well, I didn't mean it to be bratty, but it was, and in a rather condescending way. I still feel horrible. We were talking about the picture that she and Ryan want to use for their wedding invitations. It is a cute picture, I am just not sure if it is appropriate. Of course, that is not really my call. Big sisters sometimes act like everything is their call however. :p I have my moments.

I have to remind myself once in awhile, that the world does not revolve around me. Not that I am more conceited than anyone else, but its still something I occassionally have to work on. I don't want to be a jerk. I want to be someone that people like. I don't mean shallow popularity either. I am not going for loads of superficial friends. I just want to be worthy of the good people that I know. A nice sense of mutual respect would be just fine.

I was having a VERY bad day last week. I slept in for a long time because I was off that day and just not ready to face the world. I ended up talking to my friend Chris on the phone, really late at night. Don't you hate it when you get sucked into having these conversations and things really late at night, when your guard is down? Then you end up telling details that maybe around noon you would have kept to yourself?! Ha! That is just how it was. Not that I don't trust Chris tremendously. We go WAY back. Still, there are some things I like to keep to myself. For example; shortcomings that I am rather ashamed of, I prefer just to skim the surface. Isn't it interesting how we have such different kinds of friends, and how some of those friends know certain things about us, and the rest know something else? Not like we are hiding anything, neccesarily, but just that people see a different side of us.
Plus, I know that certain people I will talk about something like, oh, say relationships with, but another person I just don't feel like I can talk to them about that for whatever reason. Every friendship is unique I suppose.

I am greatful for my friends in all their varying shades.

Friendships change over the years, and that is okay. Some of them fall away, not neccesarily because anything major went wrong. Sometimes it is just because of time and distance. Other friendships mature and flourish. We change and mature (hopefully!) so that makes sense I suppose. Sometimes I like change and sometimes I loathe it. You know, sometimes I think we just have to look at our relationships from a different perspective. Because we grow, we have to give one another room to do so. It's a bummer when certain friendships can't survive that. I don't know why these things are on my mind. It just comes and goes I guess. Relationships in their many forms are a dominating factor in our lives, so I suppose it's to be expected.

Well, I guess that's all I want to say right now.
I finally decided to get with the program and update my links. Jill and Lara changed their sites long ago and I have been sporting the old ones for ages now. Got rid of a few, and that is just fine.